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Katniss · 12-10-2013, 10:24 PM

I've been fortunate to have never been involved in an abusive or violent relationship (manipulative/mean/batsh*tcrazy mothers are a different matter.) I did volunteer for many years at an emergency shelter for battered women and children and much of the advice above is spot on. Two things I do want to stress;

1. If you are coming to harm in any way reach out to someone. Many towns have shelters that are not advertised and you would never know they existed. A phone call to a hot line and they can arrange a safe place for you and any minor children. I can't speak for all shelters but many may also have resources you are unaware of including being able to fill prescription drugs. Some abusers hold on to the victim's medication/inhaler/insulin as a form of control. No one is there to judge and help is available but you have to make that call. Which brings me to...

2. The most powerful weapon you can give your abuser is silence. They are banking on your fear/shame/guilt/whatever to keep you quiet. Don't give them that weapon. There was one client I remember who had a warrant out for her arrest, something small and I think it was "theft by taking." She was so afraid of being turned in that she stayed with an extremely abusive partner for three years. She finally showed up at the shelter and explained after a particularly bad scenario she confided to a friend who told her "I had rather go to trial with a fair judge, do my time and have a release date than serve a life sentence with an abuser." If people don't know, they can't help you, so use your voice.

I realize the OP wanted warning signs so I will re-iterate the litmus test for me....when someone swoops in and wants to "rescue" you...from poverty/a previous bad relationship/ill health/depression/etc. and they are almost more invested in the trials of your life than you are and they take charge of your finances/healthcare/therapy/whatever, and they push you to commit to them sooner than you want...they will indeed rescue you, from everyone but themselves.

Katniss~~

12-10-2013, 10:24 PM	#61
Katniss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Dame, doll, twist, dish Preferred Pronoun?: Ladylike ones Relationship Status: ***** Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: We drink sweet tea here Posts: 2,903 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,654 Thanked 10,391 Times in 2,094 Posts Rep Power**: 21474850	I've been fortunate to have never been involved in an abusive or violent relationship (manipulative/mean/batsh*tcrazy mothers are a different matter.) I did volunteer for many years at an emergency shelter for battered women and children and much of the advice above is spot on. Two things I do want to stress; 1. If you are coming to harm in any way reach out to someone. Many towns have shelters that are not advertised and you would never know they existed. A phone call to a hot line and they can arrange a safe place for you and any minor children. I can't speak for all shelters but many may also have resources you are unaware of including being able to fill prescription drugs. Some abusers hold on to the victim's medication/inhaler/insulin as a form of control. No one is there to judge and help is available but you have to make that call. Which brings me to... 2. The most powerful weapon you can give your abuser is silence. They are banking on your fear/shame/guilt/whatever to keep you quiet. Don't give them that weapon. There was one client I remember who had a warrant out for her arrest, something small and I think it was "theft by taking." She was so afraid of being turned in that she stayed with an extremely abusive partner for three years. She finally showed up at the shelter and explained after a particularly bad scenario she confided to a friend who told her "I had rather go to trial with a fair judge, do my time and have a release date than serve a life sentence with an abuser." If people don't know, they can't help you, so use your voice. I realize the OP wanted warning signs so I will re-iterate the litmus test for me....when someone swoops in and wants to "rescue" you...from poverty/a previous bad relationship/ill health/depression/etc. and they are almost more invested in the trials of your life than you are and they take charge of your finances/healthcare/therapy/whatever, and they push you to commit to them sooner than you want...they will indeed rescue you, from everyone but themselves. Katniss~~