Quote:
Originally Posted by Nattih
My fear is that I will have to completely give up my freedom. This has happened a lot in the past. I am an introvert and I have the need for short solo trips, solo walks, and sometimes just to sit in a coffee shop by myself to think and people watch. I have always been accused of not "really wanting" my significant other or "being afraid of being close" just because I do need time to myself. I have often been in relationships where they just wanted me to completely wrap myself up in their life.
My greatest fear is that it will come down to me having the choice to be alone forever or to be in a relationship and feeling entirely smothered due to my loss of freedom. Both are no-win situations, so I am hoping I can find someone who will understand that my time to myself doesn't impact my strong feelings and desire for my relationship.
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I'm an extrovert and I need one entire day to myself a week, just quietly in my room or apartment pampering myself. I don't want to hang out. Or talk. I need to sleep on my own. Eat by myself. For 24 full hours. And at least another two half days of 12 hours in there a week. I need my cave. I carry my connection to my partner in me, very deeply so I don't need constant attachment.
I will burn myself out looking after others, smother myself, starve myself of space, to make someone else happy. And I get sick. When I need time and rest I get accused of similar, and I date mostly introverts. I don't think it's extrovert/introvert ... I think it's people understanding that boundaries are not there to keep people away. They are there to create me space, you space and us space. I don't have to be merged with someone all the time. In fact, that makes me depressed. I lose myself. But the people who need that are usually codependent and have very scary places in themselves they hate and don't want to deal with alone. So they mask it by being merged with others. My introvert partners did it by using only me, because they found everyone else over stimulating, but having me stuck to their hip because I was non-invasive body company so they didn't feel lonely (I didn't speak or want anything from them) sort of like a human plush toy... Was very suffocating.
And of course I was nurse, cook, house cleaner, administrator/clerk/secretary for all bills and paperwork, grocery shopper, and because they hated talking on phones and dealing with people, I did all the phone calls, dealt with the banks and service people. On top of my full time job.
When I'd reach burn out and need rest, I was faking it, being melodramatic, having a drama, withdrawing and being distant and selfish...
So, I hear you.