[oblivia]

Sparx and I 'met' long distance. She was in Canada.... way far away... like 3,000 miles.... and I was in Washington. Neither of us even considered it could turn "serious" because of that. I didn't know Canadian Geography... I just knew she was far away.... and she knew I was far away.

But we became fast friends. We clicked from a chemistry standpoint from the beginning and a friendship one. We talked for 4-5 hours minimum every day (yay for chat, and then webcam/voice chat on the computer). The only reason we even met was because a friend of mine was getting married somewhere far away and, out of curiousity, I checked to see how close I was going to be to where Sparx lived... turned out - only a very short flight... so we planned our first visit. We spent a week together, and after all those many hours of talking - of not trying to impress each other, and of just being ourselves (what did we have to lose, since we figured we'd never even meet), we discovered we were in love.

We had some hard conversations, then. Okay, we were in love, but what were we going to (or willing to) do about it? What were our options.... we had two different countries to deal with.

Ultimately, the best for all involved was to settle in Canada, marriage was legal and I could immigrate as Her spouse once we were married... and we picked Vancouver. She and the boys needed to move away from the small town they were in as they were in an economically depressed area. Vancouver was further than they'd planned but had a LOT of opportunities for her and the boys (one of whom is officially gifted - tested etc, the other classified as a gifted underachiever) and school, etc. AND this would keep me a reasonable drive away from some of my closest friends and family members.

The nice thing about this choice was that we ALL moved to a new place... a new city... and began our life together, there, fresh. It wasn't anyone's home turf. This was a HUGE advantage because we all had to learn and adapt together. Additionally, during the immigration process, we were married but living apart, so we transitioned from a cross continent LDR, to a three hour commute LDR as I could come up to Vancouver to visit most weekends until my paperwork was finished.... i temporarily relocated just a wee bit closer during the interim period which made a huge difference.

Look, the thing is, that LDRs ARE hard... but if it's the right relationship, if it's healthy and you've taken the time to get to know each other, there are ways to make it work... but the best advice I could give anyone is that really old fashioned advice. Get to know each other with less strings attached, first. Get comfortable, really comfortable with the person - get to the point where you know you're able to totally let go and be yourself - before you uproot yourself or ask your partner to uproot themselves. Find out what makes sense, together.

Sparx and I had these tough conversations, we had to be brutally honest with each other. We talked about the impact our decisions and plans would have on us if, ultimately, the relationship and/or marriage didn't last. We had to know that moving to Vancouver would ultimately be a wise choice - no matter what. Risk vs. Benefit. Neither of us wanted to have big regrets if things didn't work out. Those conversations were hard. We were in the swooney honeymoon romantic stage. I didnt' want to talk about "What if we break up", but looking back five years later - I am so glad we did.

I don't have to wonder, now, if some part of Her or the boys regrets moving here. I know they don't. I know they wanted this, not JUST because of me, but because it was the right thing for the three of them.

As so many have said - communicate, communicate, communicate! Be authentic. Really hear each other.

There really are some magical love stories out there that began as LDRs....

~o