Quote:
Originally Posted by Brock
Grainne, I am quoting you below. What you wrote in this quote speaks massive volumes to me. When I read this, the last of my confusion fell away - everything became crystal clear. Thank you so much for your post!
You've no idea how much it helped me to read it.
-----------------------------------------
Quoting Grainne:
*Watch out for the Nice Guy, who is kind to you not because they are a kind person but because they are putting "kind deeds" into an emotional bank account, out of which they want to "pay" for a relationship with you. This is someone who may come on too good to be true ...
-----------------------------------------
By the way -
Please forgive my presentation style (or lack of) ... I am using a cell phone. And it has issues.
|
The emotional bank account thing rings true for me as well and I'll even add a bit to it: Anyone who does something for you and then turns around and uses that act against you in an argument or heated discussion is a red flag. "Well, I did this and this and this for you and you can't do that for me?" I mean, I could see someone being upset in a relationship where they were receiving no reciprocity but that can also be used as a means to confuse and control. Especially if you have no clear understanding of what's being asked of you or what you're being asked to do is in some way inappropriate in the context of your relationship. It's a grey area and hard to describe but I feel it's a red flag, even if it's one that can be easy to mask or hide.
Another one, which could be added to this for clarity, is the rules always change. What was okay one day is not okay the next and it happens often. This is another way an abuser can confuse their target and make them turn it around on themselves. This is verbal/emotional abuse at its finest.
Emotional blackmail can also be added to this. You've "done something" that has angered your partner but they refuse to explain it to you, instead denying love and using this "indiscretion" as a means to justify further abuse. Very creepy and unfortunately, very effective.