[Teddybear]

This thread as really made my brain hurt but not in a really bad way. Im am now able to see what when and by whom. I wont ignore the signs again.

Most ppl who get into abusive relationship had their 1st abuser as a child someone who was suppose to love, and PROTECT them. My first abuser was my father hell he still tries and in some ways is still doing it.

Im sure if he had been there when I was born I may not be here today. That is a truth I feel and Im thankful that I am here today and God willing will be here for some time to come.

I have been in several abusive relationship however each and everyone of them was different in some form.

One was dealing with mental illness and she really tried NOT to put it on to others however things happened. I learned to read her and tell when she wasnt holding together well. She refused to get help at the time. I finally had to go.

Im still processing the others. I have had to take a long hard look at ME. I have had to change things about ME.

An abuser KNOWS what to look for in their victims. They are professionals at it. They know how to portray this innocence that draws us in, makes us believe they arent who they truly are.

I am NOT saying we are at fault for being abused. I AM saying that some how each of us has just what they are looking for. They can find us in a crowd even after we have worked so hard not to be seen. Thankfully over time each of us finds US that deserves to be treated as we treat others.

I dont know the statics on butches who are abused however I know that men, whether bio or FtM, report less abuse then women. Mostly due to shame that is surrounding it. Most of the time it isnt even found out about till AFTER they have been killed by their partner. Most men and unfortunately believe that if they were to bring charges against the woman for being the abuser that no one would BELIEVE them.

I know that I have a lot of work left to do and I AM doing it. I know im worth more then I have ever been told by these ppl and one day I hope that I am able to have the healthy relationship that I WANT and DESERVE. I hope and pray this for every single person who is or has yet to be abused.

I know for me standing up, not letting ANYONE tell me what I can or cant do regarding my life is what I need to do to keep me safe.

There are resources out there. I have to say they are geared more towards women and really geared toward those with kids. Use them!!

I have had great friends thru the years that have helped me get out of these situations and I'm so thankful for that.

Ok stepping off my soap box