[ProfPacker]

not wanting to go into details but this relationship that I just left became more and more emotionally abusive as the years went on. As I try to remove myself from the dynamics the supposed change in the behavior would come but not for long. I grew up in a home with this type of abuse and was abused emotionally by my mother, so this felt all too familiar to me. I knew intellectually that I was destroying my life (shit, I studied the stuff) and was just about to leave when she said she wanted children. I did not feel like I could leave children in her care so I stayed. But, I did leave children in her care by the fact that she was their mother.

I left when I realized that staying was not "saving my kids" in fact I began to see them seeing me as the person that was contributing to the tension in the home. When I left, although they are conflicted about the change in family, it is such a relief to not have to protect them all the time from the rage. I have an entirely different relationship with my kids now. It is not perfect (nor will it ever be, nor would I want it to be) but we are calm, I am not brough tinto the fray by being told in front of them that I am a lousy parent, etc.

I have myself back and what I need to learn now is that it is my responsibility to not emotionally abuse myself anymore by gravitating towards those who would treat me like this.

It is a very treacherous place to be. No one should be blamed or blame themselves (as said above). If you leave and you feel their is danger, go to a local organization that can help you emotionally and legally and keep you safe.

If you are in NY State, they have the most comprehensive regulations. In NYS dv victims are a protected class, so that an employer does not have the right to know why you are taking off and if you do tell them you are a dv victim there are many safe guards to protect livelyhood, insurance and safety.

NYS OPV