If there was widespread expectation that a femme should change her last name when marrying a butch, then I think that could be an indication of unexamined sexism and heteronormative values in this specific type of situation. However, I don't see that. Some people may disagree. There do seem to be more femmes who consider changing their names than butches, so perhaps there is something to it. However, any femme I have ever known who considered changing her last name to the butch's, it was totally her choice and one that appeared to be very well thought out. Same sex marriage is very recent, so yes most of our traditions surrounding marriage do come from traditions that have long been established by heterosexuals. I do think most queers when they do marry put a lot of thought into it and try to make it their own, but we are still working with the traditions that have gone before us.
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