[Smiling]

In accordance with my spiritual beliefs, these are the criteria I try to use before I speak my truth (with emphasis on the phrase "I try" because I am still very much a work in progress).

1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary?

Also, I would add a 4th when it comes to brutal honesty.
4. Is it going to affect the outcome or the general situation in a positive way?

For instance, you know that someone has plans to physically or mentally cause harm to another person and you warn that party to avoid a certain situation or individual(s). In that case, obviously my answer is going to be to tell them in order to protect them from potential harm. (And of course, if it is an actionable threat, contact the appropriate authorities).

On the other hand, if it is just mutual friends/acquaintances discussing how stupid they think a friend's new haircut/outfit, etc. looks, then no; I do not feel it necessary to repeat that sort of nonsense. Neither do I think it makes me any less authentic as a friend or otherwise to not do so. I would, however, put a stop to that sort of discussion were it taking place in front of me.

My motto with my closest friends is if I am asked a direct question, I will not lie. However, neither will I go out of my way to say something that I feel is unnecessarily hurtful. And I have found that amongst those closest friends, it is often not what is being said but how it is delivered that makes a lot of difference in how it is received; whether they have specifically asked for the feedback or not.

Just a point of clarification - I don't believe anyone I know would be hurt to be told they had spinach in their teeth, etc; so in those instances I would opt to say something.