To smoke or not to smoke?

[Softhearted]

I feel very bad about myself....

After quitting smoking 7 years ago, I picked up this bad habit again last week!

It was either that or totally breaking down.... I've been battling with major depression for years now, and I do know, this fall was the worst one in a long time! In my case it is either eat my way to death or smoke...

Of course, a lot of people around me, told me to go exercise it is good for deal with depression etc. bla bla bla...which I know, but they don't get that when you are really down, you don't feel to do anything espacially exercise... for fuck sake I even have problems getting out bed!

In anyway, thank you for listening, I guess I needed to vent off!

Soft

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Softhearted

I feel very bad about myself....

After quitting smoking 7 years ago, I picked up this bad habit again last week!

It was either that or totally breaking down.... I've been battling with major depression for years now, and I do know, this fall was the worst one in a long time! In my case it is either eat my way to death or smoke...

Of course, a lot of people around me, told me to go exercise it is good for deal with depression etc. bla bla bla...which I know, but they don't get that when you are really down, you don't feel to do anything espacially exercise... for fuck sake I even have problems getting out bed!

In anyway, thank you for listening, I guess I needed to vent off!

Soft

Oh, man, don't do it....put the cigs down!

Don't you remember how hard it was to quit? Please consider not putting yourself back there.

I just had my one year anniversary of quitting. Hardest thing ever to do.

If it was hard for you to quit, think back on that and maybe that will help you throw those smokes away! You don't want to go through that hell again!

[T D]

If you can manage to make yourself throw the cigarettes away and go for a walk you will actually feel much better. Not only will you get a little exercise, it will also distract you from your depression for a short time.

I'm sure you're thinking, yeah, easy for me to say. Honestly though, I've been right where you are more than once in my life and any type of distraction and physical movement will help you. You have to make yourself do it though. I soooo understand!!

Try to take care of yourself!

[Ebon]

Originally Posted by Softhearted

I feel very bad about myself....

After quitting smoking 7 years ago, I picked up this bad habit again last week!

It was either that or totally breaking down.... I've been battling with major depression for years now, and I do know, this fall was the worst one in a long time! In my case it is either eat my way to death or smoke...

Of course, a lot of people around me, told me to go exercise it is good for deal with depression etc. bla bla bla...which I know, but they don't get that when you are really down, you don't feel to do anything espacially exercise... for fuck sake I even have problems getting out bed!

In anyway, thank you for listening, I guess I needed to vent off!

Soft

I definitely understand this. I used to smoke, started when I was 20. I also struggled with depression. They kind of went hand and hand for me. It's hard as hell to quit unless you're ready. I promise you when you are ready you won't even want a cigarette. But trying to do it when you are not ready is just setting yourself up to fail. This is all in my experience.

Don't be so hard on yourself if you don't quit just keep on trying. Remember the only person that can change you or how you feel is you. You should start with baby steps. Make yourself get out of bed even if it's just to go for a walk, make yourself go for a walk etc... Eventually you will want to do these things because the Universe presents opportunities based on your mindset. It's hard to flip yourself into the mindset(breaking habits) but it can be done. I know because I did it. When I started exercising I was a smoker but my body stopped wanting cigarettes and food that was unhealthy for it. I also stopped drinking and I feel so much better. Your body will thank you. Also remember nobody is happy everyday so don't be hard on yourself if you have a day that you are sad. Shit happens.

Good Luck on Your Journey

[Nat]

After toying with cigarettes for the last 19 years, I finally got myself addicted this year. I managed to quit for now, but I'm not sure if I'm done done or not. I guess I want to be able to go back to being able to sometimes-smoke, but I'm not sure if that's a possibility anymore.

Anyway, I have been "smoking" cinnamon sticks. You don't light them, but you just breathe through them as though you were smoking. It can feel foolish, but it's satisfying in a weird way. You get the ritual of something with about the same weight and balance, plus the breathing exercise which is part of the pleasure of cigarette-smoking anyway. In fact, it's a more satisfying breathing exercise. It's weird how deep and low you can breathe in clean air that way - it kinda lifts my mood somehow. Anyway, for me I think it's mostly to psyche myself out, but it also has the added benefits of deep breathing and the ritual of holding and breathing through it. Once the chemical addiction began fading, I slowly became less attached to the cinnamon stick simulation, though I still do it.

[Nat]

PS. Nettle Tea lifts my mood and makes me feel well-rested. Like, almost a mild euphoria. Not sure if that's just a me thing, but the Herbs for Life lady did recommend it among her herbal recommendations for anxiety and depression. It might help you take a step in the direction of exercise. I know my best experience lifting out of depression was when I was walking 3 miles a day (to and from work), eating organic foods and no simple carbs/sugars and meditating daily. I'm in a bit of a valley right now with all that, but for my own depressed/anxious/adhd self, these are the only things that have been truly effective for my depression. Drugs have never helped, and most of them screw up my sex life, which I just really can't stand.

I understand the thing about not wanting to do anything. I've spent most of my life there. Nettle tea and meditation are very close to doing nothing, but they might give you the energy to do more physically, which might in turn regulate your brain chemicals / brain waves and pull your mood up. If you're interested in any guided meditations, I could recommend a few - just lemme know if you're interested.

[diamondrose]

My entire family on my mother's side smokes. My father's side doesn't smoke, but my father did for a brief time before I was born and later gave it up. It always seems that most things in me appear to come from my dad's side of the family. I have always been a non-smoker. I told my mother when I was 7 years old I would never smoke and I never did. I would give anything for my mom to give it up, but thankfully she has carried on with great health thus far!!

[asphaltcowboi]

no one in my family smokes except one of my bros. they hate that i picked up smoking and hate the way i smell when i visit them! and i thought my lifstyle would bother them (nope) i picked up smoking while i was a truck driver working 20 hrs a day. it helped me to stay awake and kept me from getting totaly board in the middle of the night. i wish i would have never started! i do not smoke in my house or car anymore and im working very hard to quit. but it seems about every 3 weeks or so ill go buy a pack smoke them in a couple days, then put them down again. i made it 3 mos last year and hope to do better this year.

[girl_dee]

having chronic lung issues it's hard for me to fathom anyone doing anything that could cause them to go thru lung problems later in life. Not being able to breathe SUCKS. Don't smoke, k? Thank you.

The only ones benefiting from it are the tobacco companies, since my lung problems are probably the result of growing up with two chain smokers.. they should be paying for my health care! The tobacco companies love how addicted people are.. why give in to them!!

[Softhearted]

Thanks for the replies! I will ponder on them !

[WolfyOne]

I wasn't going to post here at all until I read your post saying you'll ponder all this great advice others came here to give you. IMHO, I'd of come back and said, hey these people care about whether I smoke or not. They took enough time to answer my cry for help..........so, I'll do it because now I have the support of others right here in my thread.

You know, I'd tell you to stop smoking, but ultimately the choice is yours.
We can all tell you what you want to hear, but you have to want to change your habit.

I was a smoker for 24 years and dated women that never smoked. It wasn't until I quit 16 years ago and was coming out of a bar that I actually smelled the smoke on me. It made me wonder how these non smokers I dated could even kiss me. I never thought that way when I smoked. That day gave me even more of a reason to never smoke again. One might say an epiphany changed my whole view on cigarettes and everything attached to them.

[asphaltcowboi]

just going to say.. i bought one of those electric ciggs.. they dont help you quit.. they just allow you to smoke thinking your not smoking!! same motion same tar just put out fake smoke!! did me no good! might help some i think im most sucessful just make the dession not to smoke.

[Tommi]

It killed my Mama.

[girl_dee]

wow.. ((( tommi )))

[Gemme]

I grew up with a two-fisted chain smoker. As a child, I had asthma, pneumonia, bronchitis, walking pneumonia and a plethora of other breathing-related illnesses and conditions. For a few years, I spent more time in hospitals than I did at home. And yet, my mom continued to smoke.

I made a deal with her. We shook on it and made a promise. I'd quit sucking my thumb and she give up the ciggies. To me, it was the same. It involved stopping putting something in our mouths and we both really liked what we were doing. I kept my end of the bargain. My mom continued to smoke.

By the time I left home, there were three smokers in my household. One of my deal-breaking criteria for my husbands was that they did not smoke. With the exception of childhood experimentation, I have never smoked.

I don't understand the pull that lures people in. It's expensive, it stinks, it stains your fingers/walls/clothes/etc, and it carries numerable health risks. I do understand that once you begin, there is the addiction factor. By why start if you've stopped already?

Good luck with managing your depression and with kicking the cig habit again.

[Rockinonahigh]

I come from a family of bigtime smokers,ciggars..pipes ciggies..smokeless of one kind or another.I was also a premi when I was born..I have had a lifetime of asthma,broncitis or some kind of respitory issues forever..it was always something or another makeing me sick.Then I started smokeing when I was 14..thought it was cool..heck everyone did it,why not?Then I did quit for ten years,out of the blue put them down and walke away from them.I lived away from home at the time and then mom had a heart attack then a quad bypass.When she got home for two months she did ok without the smokies but bitched about not being able to even have one now and then.She and a friend went on a day trip so when she came back I could smell the smoke on her so bad it was sickning.Seven years later I burried mom from the effects of smokeing.If that wasnt bad enought I picked up the nasty habbit again wich had all my respitory probs back big time.Seven months ago I quit cold turkey again,I have stumbled a fue times but realised I cant even have the occasional ciggy with out wanting more.This time I wont go back to ciggies..how do I know,well I am aslo a pool player with a hard passion for the sport,If I can play on my league nights with everyone smokieng and not smoke one as many nights as ive been at the pool hall..I have broked the hold it has/had on me.Now, I didnt say I didnt want one,just I didnt smoke one and know I wont again.See I treat smokeing like alcholism..one day at the time I am the boss and I wont fall off the wagon.I realise I deal with second hand smoke but thats a fact of life in many places that I handle as best I can.

[Outlaw]

Originally Posted by Gemme

why start if you've stopped already?

I started and stopped hundreds of times, half-hearted attempts coupled with whole-hearted attempts, often cheating, having just one or two, going weeks in between and feeling GOOD about the effort AND feeling like I had really QUIT SMOKING. :/ This last time has been this exception, I quit, I was ready, I had a plan, I was brave, I had what it took and it was so much more than simply battling the addiction to nicotine or any symptoms of withdrawal. This has been the longest I have ever been smoke free in the last 22 years.

When I would try to quit, I would never get very cranky or agitated, I would get sad, cigarettes were my best friend, the only constant in my life, no matter what, I could rely on them.

Quitting meant losing my best friend. Losing your best friend isn't easy. Trying to figure out another way to comfort yourself while struggling through that loss isn't easy either.

Without cigarettes, I found myself vulnerable and struggling to put some kind of buffer, some kind "keep off" or "stay away" sign...between me and the world. Essentially, without cigarettes, I was little, little girls didn't smoke. In my mind, only big, strong, tough, grown ass people smoked...with cigarettes, I was the latter, without them, the former. Without cigarettes, I was afraid that the those feelings of being small would predominate my life and my ten year old self would suddenly show up at a board meeting.

Thankfully, that didn't happen...I mourned the loss of my best friend, I thanked my smokes for being around, but just explained to my menthol lover, that we were just in different places right now. Long story short, it wasn't her, it was me. I couldn't have her in my life anymore, she was making me sick and keeping me small. Would I keep a real live person in my life that kept me from growing or made me sick? Nope...so out went the 20 friends I kept close to my heart an in my pocket. I know that if I choose to pick back up, they will always be there, but I may not need them like I did before...I still have cravings, sometimes every day and..........they pass.

Smoking, the allure and the associations were both strangely attractive and comforting. I loved the pack, I loved the feel in my hands, I loved th sound of the plastic and of packing them, I loved the ritual of it all AND I loved the smell. It reminded me of my grandfather, riding in the car with him, the cabin and fishing.

I sat with my family at his bedside, for the last three days of his life, holding vigil as he died of mesothelioma, a small cell lung cancer. Through that process, we took care of him and we took care of each other by making sure that we took turns giving each other a break from his bedside to have a cigarette. He died in his own bed, surrounded by his wife of 50 years and the 7 children they raised. He was the best thing that ever happened to me. He was my hero and the first thing that I did after he died was go outside for a smoke and I continued to smoke for years.

I don't believe in scare tactics. WhyQuit.com can save their graphic photos. I drove and walked and sat and cleaned and kept cancer company until I watched and listened to it suffocate the truest love I had ever known. That didn't stop me, I stood up from his bedside, said my goodbyes and walked outside, I had a friend out there, she knew what I needed, she was always available and didn't need much in return. She never left me feeling alone or needy, unless we were apart, so I smoked and smoked and smoked and smoked and smoked, until one day, I didn't anymore, when I was ready and on my terms.

Just my story, from my me place, for whatever it's worth.

[Gayla]

Originally Posted by Outlaw

I don't believe in scare tactics. WhyQuit.com can save their graphic photos. I drove and walked and sat and cleaned and kept cancer company until I watched and listened to it suffocate the truest love I had ever known. That didn't stop me, I stood up from his bedside, said my goodbyes and walked outside, I had a friend out there, she knew what I needed, she was always available and didn't need much in return. She never left me feeling alone or needy, unless we were apart, so I smoked and smoked and smoked and smoked and smoked, until one day, I didn't anymore, when I was ready and on my terms.

For me, it was my mom, although smoking took both of my parents and my grandfather, it was my mom whom I took care of through the last 3 months of her struggle with lung cancer. I'd push her wheelchair into the chemo room, make sure she was settled and then go back downstairs and out front to smoke.

I've been smoking since I was 13. That's 31 years. Up until last January, the longest I had gone without one was a little more than 24 hours. I've had periods where I cut back, got down to a pack a week a few times but never actually quit. I've read the scare tactics. I've taken the guilt trips and listened to years of nagging. I've tried the patches and the gum and the medications. Nothing worked because I didn't really want to quit.

January 5, 2010, I had major surgery. It wasn't supposed to be as major as it turned out to be but my 1.5 hour procedure took more than 5 hours and during that time I managed to lose about a third of the blood in my body. When I came to in the PACU, I had six IV's, a damn Foley and was too weak to even lift my arm up to scratch my nose. I also lost my voice and couldn't speak above a whisper. But, my lungs were clear and I was breathing better than I had in years! They can't tell me for sure, but most of the complications were probably related to smoking.

Less than a month later, I was back to a pack a day.

I'm not ready to let go of my friend. I don't know who I am as a non-smoker and I'm not ready to find out yet. When the time is right, it will happen. Until then, I do not kid myself into thinking this is anything other than a choice. I do not justify it. I do not lie. I'm smoking because, today, I choose to, knowing, more than most, what the consequences really will be.

[Jet]

I quote smoking after 34 years. I was a hardened smoker and hated it. I hated being owned by it and I was certain I could never quit. But all it took was 3 weeks on patches. I was staying with my Aunt Louise and one night she called from work and asked if I wanted to go to the 5:00 Mass. So I showered and got ready and she came by to get me.

Once I got into church it hit me that I hadn't put on a patch after my shower. So I sat there for about 20 minutes with miserable cravings and my chest tightening. I made it through an hour of Mass and I asked if we could go home to get my patches.

She goes, "no, we're meeting everyone for dinner and we're late." Amazingly, once we got into dinner the addiction feelings left...for good. I never wore another patch after that night. I have no desire or need even during my most severe bouts with PTSD. In fact, quitting is one of my few accomplishments and one of the very few things I feel good about. I never tolerate anyone smoking cigs. I hate everything about it and I'll leave the table or move away through a crowd to get away from it. Thinks like that. I could be open to pipes but don't really see the need. I've been smoke-free for 4 years.

[DapperButch]

Outlaw and gayla, I really enjoyed reading both of your open and powerful posts.

Like Outlaw, for me, quitting smoking was a loss. A loss of a best friend. I too was sad and didn't have the agitation like symptoms others have when quitting.

gayla's post about not being ready to meet who she is as a non-smoker is spot on. For me, being a smoker was a part of my identity. So it wasn't only losing a friend, it was losing part of my identity somehow. Kind of strange.

Jet, you may not have had as hard of a time quitting as some others, as they have found there to be a nicotine "gene" just like one finds in alcoholics. You can still be addicted to nicotine and such without the gene, but it is harder to quit for one who has this gene.

Just to throw it out there for people who are considering quitting, Chantix is what worked for me. The patches and gum didn't do anything.

Some states will pay for Chantix if your insurance doesn't cover it.