Breeder and other words we use to hurt our own.

[SuperFemme]

I was a little upset today by seeing the word "Breeder" used in a thread.

I find the word Breeder when used in reference to ANY woman vulgar and offensive. It reduces a woman (once again) to her reproductive organs.

What I cannot understand is why in the Queer Community it is used as a descriptor of women that have had children.

It's kind of like using the "Gold Star Lesbian" thing. As if those of us that were in relationships with bio-men are some how a less desirable grade of Queer than those that were not.

When somebody uses that term about me it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. My path to self acceptance may have been longer than the next girls, but that doesn't make me a receptacle for sperm.

I am not an animal, and have never EVER been *bred*.

Why do we do this to each other? How do you feel about that word?

[The_Lady_Snow]

I don't like it, it's degrading, it's mean, it's ugly and it makes is sound that if we chose to give birth to our children that we have no more value than some form of cattle...

[JakeTulane]

I will weigh in... which I usually do not do. However, I have to say I detest the word "breeder" and agree that it is degrading and when it is used it is as though a woman who has had children is some form of animal and has just been bred only to be led to pasture. We are all here by a man's sperm. I do not feel that My Mom "bred" Me.

[Nat]

I think it's a dehumanizing word.

[Spirit Dancer]

SF
I agree with you it's disgusting and rude, what if their mother
was called a breeder? I love my children and am no less part of this community
because I had a child.If it weren't for those who give birth the
cycle of life ends.

[SuperFemme]

Why IS it that people continue to use this word? I am sad that we would devalue WOMEN in a Queer Community.

[T D]

Whenever I've heard this word used it's been in a deragatory manner, usually as a means to belittle the person it's directed at. I've especially heard or seen it used towards the heterosexual community when they've made disparaging remarks about the homosexual community or persons. I find it pretty darn disrespectful!

To be honest it baffles me why people can't just get along and let each other live their lives. I'm pretty darn sure this isn't going to change in my life time, so I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time being overly baffled by this question though... which is unfortunate in so many ways!

you SuperFemme!

[Spirit Dancer]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Why IS it that people continue to use this word? I am sad that we would devalue WOMEN in a Queer Community.

I just hung up with my son, I told him about the thread.
His opinion is, there are those whom are no longer connected to moral feelings about each other,
and if someone called me or his wife a breeder, they would answer to
his brand of respect. Thank goodness for Sons

[Nat]

Originally Posted by Spirit Dancer

there are those whom are no longer connected to moral feelings about each other

If this is true, I wonder what the percentages are. This could explain a lot of behavior in the world. The isms and such. I wonder if there is a remedy?

[JakeTulane]

I believe that people will say what they want to say and use terms they want to use. However, when another person makes it KNOWN that is bothers them in some way .. or they find it hurtful... then perhaps the one using the term should at the very least .. respect that and let the offended person know they were "heard".

[suebee]

I've only ever heard the term used in a good-hearted joking way, and have not used it since I became aware that it has a derogotory connotation to some. However, why do we assume that it's used only in reference to women. I've heard it used to differenciate heterosexuals from homosexuals - no reference to gender that I'm aware of.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by T D

Whenever I've heard this word used it's been in a deragatory manner, usually as a means to belittle the person it's directed at. I've especially heard or seen it used towards the heterosexual community when they've made disparaging remarks about the homosexual community or persons. I find it pretty darn disrespectful!

To be honest it baffles me why people can't just get along and let each other live their lives. I'm pretty darn sure this isn't going to change in my life time, so I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time being overly baffled by this question though... which is unfortunate in so many ways!

you SuperFemme!

Good points TD. I am still going to hold on to the hope that WE can be the change. I'm weird like that.

you too.

Originally Posted by Spirit Dancer

I just hung up with my son, I told him about the thread.
His opinion is, there are those whom are no longer connected to moral feelings about each other,
and if someone called me or his wife a breeder, they would answer to
his brand of respect. Thank goodness for Sons

Thank Goodness for sons is right. And their amazing Mommas that raise them with awareness.

[Nat]

Originally Posted by cybersuebee

I've only ever heard the term used in a good-hearted joking way, and have not used it since I became aware that it has a derogotory connotation to some. However, why do we assume that it's used only in reference to women. I've heard it used to refer to differenciate heterosexuals from homosexuals - no reference to gender that I'm aware of.

I haven't heard it used in a good-hearted way, but I think it's used in several contexts. I've heard vehemently child-free people use this term about those who have kids too. The first time I heard it used, it was by a gay man talking about straight people. But there's also the gold star lesbian vs breeder context - which I find most painful. I don't have kids (sadly), but I definitely have a past that included straight cisgender men, and I don't want my own dear community shaming me for that past.

[Spirit Dancer]

[suebee]

Originally Posted by Nat

I haven't heard it used in a good-hearted way, but I think it's used in several contexts. I've heard vehemently child-free people use this term about those who have kids too.

Toward females only?

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by cybersuebee

I've only ever heard the term used in a good-hearted joking way, and have not used it since I became aware that it has a derogotory connotation to some. However, why do we assume that it's used only in reference to women. I've heard it used to refer to differenciate heterosexuals from homosexuals - no reference to gender that I'm aware of.

Some of us homosexual are referred to as breeders...

Hence the hierarchy in our queerness.. We are viewed as less than.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by cybersuebee

I've only ever heard the term used in a good-hearted joking way, and have not used it since I became aware that it has a derogotory connotation to some. However, why do we assume that it's used only in reference to women. I've heard it used to refer to differenciate heterosexuals from homosexuals - no reference to gender that I'm aware of.

Can you use it in a sentence in a good hearted joking way?

I'm really super curious as to what that sounds like.

I'm not being snarky, I just don't know how that could be so.

As far as differentiating between heterosexuals and homosexuals I think that is still just as rude. Women are not bred. Men are not studded out. Homo's are parents too, so I don't get the differentiation.

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I was a little upset today by seeing the word "Breeder" used in a thread.

I find the word Breeder when used in reference to ANY woman vulgar and offensive. It reduces a woman (once again) to her reproductive organs.

What I cannot understand is why in the Queer Community it is used as a descriptor of women that have had children.

It's kind of like using the "Gold Star Lesbian" thing. As if those of us that were in relationships with bio-men are some how a less desirable grade of Queer than those that were not.

When somebody uses that term about me it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. My path to self acceptance may have been longer than the next girls, but that doesn't make me a receptacle for sperm.

I am not an animal, and have never EVER been *bred*.

Why do we do this to each other? How do you feel about that word?

I love how you take it out of context and start a thread about it.

You want to drag this conversation over to another thread now?

Honestly, if you don't think little girls are groomed for this shit from before they can even talk, I really don't understand how or why you'd jump into a conversation about that exact topic

It wasn't a dis on people who have kids...it was used as a dis for how girls are groomed by a sexist culture.

I heard you. I got your feelings on the topic. Had that been the way I used it in the post, I would agree with you. But that's not how I used it.


Dylan

[suebee]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Can you use it in a sentence in a good hearted joking way?

I'm really super curious as to what that sounds like.

I'm not being snarky, I just don't know how that could be so.

As far as differentiating between heterosexuals and homosexuals I think that is still just as rude. Women are not bred. Homo's are parents too, so I don't get the differentiation.

I won't give an example as the difference between something said in a non-harmful way and an insulting way is most often not in the words but in the context, tone, etc. However that's just the background of the usage I'm aware of. My real question is whether or not people think it's in reference to women only.

[Spirit Dancer]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Some of us homosexual are referred to as breeders...

Hence the hierarchy in our queerness.. We are viewed as less than.

Snow
I swear when I came out, and a butch referred to me as a breeder
I flipped, she said Queers don't have kids.
Mind you her mom was queer, so I pointed to said Mom and said,
your kiddo thinks I'm a breeder so therefore I cannot be queer.
Said mom goes to baby butch and says, pssst I'm no SOB breeder
and whomps her across the head. Thump as lesson learned