My favorite post of the day

Reader · 09-30-2012, 10:34 AM

My favorite post of the day...

Posted by Martina, 09-26-2012, 03:42 AM, in the "Constant Craving ~ BDSM" thread

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...&postcount=890

This is completely unsolicited advice for anyone relatively new to kink.

Be yourself. Don't decide you are, for example a Daddy, and then look around and see what people think Daddies are and try to become that. You will lose yourself that way, if only for a while. It's also anxiety provoking and takes all the fun out of it. How much fun is kink when you aren't being authentic?

Get out there, be your normal everyday self. Do learn enough to not break the rules in a dungeon and to ask good questions of people. But basically be the you you are during all the rest of your life. Show up to whatever you plan to go to -- munches, play parties, whatever. Be real. Don't go goo goo ga ga over the first Dominant you meet. Treat them like you would anyone else -- with respect. But don't fawn. Be interested in them if you are. Don't just dump yourself at their feet. They're gonna just step over the mess on the floor and think wtf.

Likewise, don't go all Dominant on the first attractive sub you meet. If she has any experience, she'll be offended. If she doesn't, and you're new too, god help you (though I have seen that work out).

Seriously, you may be pushed hard by some real needs, but other people do not exist to meet them. They have their own lives. Also, most people out there are in it for relationships or at least authentic interactions, exchanges of quality. So if you have abandoned your authentic self to become some kind of whatever, Daddy, boi, babygirl, perfect sub, or Super Domme, you're not going to engage really decent people. They will be bored by the artiface. It just won't work. You'll waste a lot of time at the very least and probably have a bad experience or two.

Go out and be yourself. Talk to people as people. Play. Experiment. Let your leather identities evolve out of your real experiences. Don't tack them on in the beginning and try to perform them, just hoping that somehow something will happen and your needs will get met.

I have read in this very thread people saying that they will never get their heart's desire. Well, that makes no sense. I mean life is not fantasy. But everyone can get their kink needs met if they are able to form relationships of other types -- friends, lovers, etc. Unless your fantasy is illegal or involves aliens landing on the Golden Gate Bridge, what's preventing it from happening?

But be yourself or it really won't matter IF your fantasies come true because you won't be really present to enjoy them.

09-30-2012, 10:34 AM	#1
Reader Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Butch, Dyke, Feminist, Contrarian Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Single Join Date: May 2011 Location: New Jersey, The Garden State Posts: 732 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,308 Thanked 2,229 Times in 586 Posts Rep Power: 0	My favorite post of the day My favorite post of the day... Posted by Martina, 09-26-2012, 03:42 AM, in the "Constant Craving ~ BDSM" thread http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...&postcount=890 This is completely unsolicited advice for anyone relatively new to kink. Be yourself. Don't decide you are, for example a Daddy, and then look around and see what people think Daddies are and try to become that. You will lose yourself that way, if only for a while. It's also anxiety provoking and takes all the fun out of it. How much fun is kink when you aren't being authentic? Get out there, be your normal everyday self. Do learn enough to not break the rules in a dungeon and to ask good questions of people. But basically be the you you are during all the rest of your life. Show up to whatever you plan to go to -- munches, play parties, whatever. Be real. Don't go goo goo ga ga over the first Dominant you meet. Treat them like you would anyone else -- with respect. But don't fawn. Be interested in them if you are. Don't just dump yourself at their feet. They're gonna just step over the mess on the floor and think wtf. Likewise, don't go all Dominant on the first attractive sub you meet. If she has any experience, she'll be offended. If she doesn't, and you're new too, god help you (though I have seen that work out). Seriously, you may be pushed hard by some real needs, but other people do not exist to meet them. They have their own lives. Also, most people out there are in it for relationships or at least authentic interactions, exchanges of quality. So if you have abandoned your authentic self to become some kind of whatever, Daddy, boi, babygirl, perfect sub, or Super Domme, you're not going to engage really decent people. They will be bored by the artiface. It just won't work. You'll waste a lot of time at the very least and probably have a bad experience or two. Go out and be yourself. Talk to people as people. Play. Experiment. Let your leather identities evolve out of your real experiences. Don't tack them on in the beginning and try to perform them, just hoping that somehow something will happen and your needs will get met. I have read in this very thread people saying that they will never get their heart's desire. Well, that makes no sense. I mean life is not fantasy. But everyone can get their kink needs met if they are able to form relationships of other types -- friends, lovers, etc. Unless your fantasy is illegal or involves aliens landing on the Golden Gate Bridge, what's preventing it from happening? But be yourself or it really won't matter IF your fantasies come true because you won't be really present to enjoy them. Last edited by Linus; 10-03-2012 at 04:45 AM.