Able-Bodied Privilege

[AtLast]

There is certainly able-bodied privilege present here (and all over) and I especially see it poke it's ugly head often in threads about sex & sexuality. We seem to have no problem recognizing our racial or class privilege, and face our denial quite often, but I don't see this much when it comes to able-bodied privilege. Don't see much consideration about it much at all. Of course, someone could be a POC, poor, female, etc. and disabled... Disability can range in severity and impairment as well as age of onset. Going from able-bodied status to one of disability is quite different than for people that have always lived with a disability.

Please post your thoughts....

Able-bodied privilege checklist:

This list is based on Peggy McIntosh’s article on white privilege. These dynamics are but a few examples of the privilege which able-bodied people have.

On a daily basis as an able-bodied person…

1. I can easily arrange to be in the company of people of my physical ability.
2. If I need to move, I can easily be assured of purchasing housing I can get access to easily - accessibility is one thing I do not need to make a special point of looking for.
3. I can be assured that my entire neighborhood will be accessible to me.
4. I can assume that I can go shopping alone, and they will always have appropriate accommodations to make this experience hassle-free.
5. I can turn on the television or open a newspaper and see people of my physical ability represented.
6. When I learned about history, people of my physical ability were well represented.
7. I was given curricular material which showed people like me as a role model.
8. I can be assured that assumptions about my mental capabilities will not be made based on my physical status.
9. I can swear, dress sloppily, or even be in a bad mood without people attributing it to my physical disability.
10. I can do well in challenging situations very often without being told what an inspiration I must be to other able-bodied people.
11. I have been asked to speak for all physically challenged people.
12. Almost always, when asking to speak to the person in charge, will find someone of the same physical status.
13. I can buy posters, postcards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys, children’s magazines featuring people of the same physical status.
14. I can take a job with an affirmative action employer without having someone suspect I got my job because of my disability.
15. If I am fired, not given a raise, or not hired, I do not have to question whether it had anything to do with my appearing physically incompetent..

Addition:

I can be assured that assumptions about my sexuality and sexual needs and desires as well will not be made based on my physical status.

[I'mOneToo]

not sure how to do this but my replies are in CAPS

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

There is certainly able-bodied privilege present here (and all over) and I especially see it poke it's ugly head often in threads about sex & sexuality. We seem to have no problem recognizing our racial or class privilege, and face our denial quite often, but I don't see this much when it comes to able-bodied privilege. Don't see much consideration about it much at all. Of course, someone could be a POC, poor, female, etc. and disabled... Disability can range in severity and impairment as well as age of onset. Going from able-bodied status to one of disability is quite different than for people that have always lived with a disability.

Please post your thoughts....

Able-bodied privilege checklist:

This list is based on Peggy McIntosh’s article on white privilege. These dynamics are but a few examples of the privilege which able-bodied people have.

On a daily basis as an able-bodied person…

1. I can easily arrange to be in the company of people of my physical ability.

NO


2. If I need to move, I can easily be assured of purchasing housing I can get access to easily - accessibility is one thing I do not need to make a special point of looking for.

NO


3. I can be assured that my entire neighborhood will be accessible to me.

NO NO NO


4. I can assume that I can go shopping alone, and they will always have appropriate accommodations to make this experience hassle-free.

HELL NO


5. I can turn on the television or open a newspaper and see people of my physical ability represented.

NOPE


6. When I learned about history, people of my physical ability were well represented.

NON-EXISTENT


7. I was given curricular material which showed people like me as a role model.

NO


8. I can be assured that assumptions about my mental capabilities will not be made based on my physical status.

OH HELL NO


9. I can swear, dress sloppily, or even be in a bad mood without people attributing it to my physical disability.

NOPE


10. I can do well in challenging situations very often without being told what an inspiration I must be to other able-bodied people.

THAT KIND OF PANDERING MAKES ME BARF


11. I have been asked to speak for all physically challenged people.

UH NO, BUT I HAVE PIPED UP TO ADVOCATE FOR MYSELF AND OTHERS


12. Almost always, when asking to speak to the person in charge, will find someone of the same physical status.

NO, AND VERY UNLIKELY TO EVER FIND THAT


13. I can buy posters, postcards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys, children’s magazines featuring people of the same physical status.

HAHA NOT IN THIS SPHERE


14. I can take a job with an affirmative action employer without having someone suspect I got my job because of my disability.

I COULDN'T EVEN GET AN INTERVIEW, LET ALONE A JOB


15. If I am fired, not given a raise, or not hired, I do not have to question whether it had anything to do with my appearing physically incompetent..

DOES NOT APPLY

Addition:

I can be assured that assumptions about my sexuality and sexual needs and desires as well will not be made based on my physical status.

NO, IT IS ASSUMED I HAVE NO SEXUALITY, NO SEXUAL NEEDS, NO DESIRES, AND NEVER WILL.

[SuperFemme]

What does it look like when able body privilege pokes it ugly head up in conversations about sex and sexuality? Because I'm differently abled (HATE the word disabled) and I have not seen it.

Can you give me some examples?

[I'mOneToo]

For me, primarily in clinical settings (of which there are many in my life, unfortunately). I am loath to discuss such personal details in a public forum but it is an issue for me. It's an extremely sensitive issue, obviously, and I can answer a general survey (such as above) but that's about it. But are you asking AtLastHome? Not clear. Sorry if this is overstepping. You may have gotten that answer already while I'm typing.

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

What does it look like when able body privilege pokes it ugly head up in conversations about sex and sexuality? Because I'm differently abled (HATE the word disabled) and I have not seen it.

Can you give me some examples?

[Andrew, Jr.]

For me, it too is a very sensative topic. It isn't something that I can be talking about openly on a forum. I am a pretty open guy, but somethings I do hold close to my chest.

[Corkey]

I can address something here. Until I met my Ami, I hadn't been accepted for my abelness, or lack there of. I won't talk about our sex life, that is private, but I can say, she is the only one who has ever said I am fine, just the way I am.
I am fortunate enough to qualify for the lift access anywhere I need or want to go. There is a large differently abled population here where we are, and companies for the most part have wheel chair access. Of course its illegal to use a powered wheelchair on the side walks here, dumb beyond belief.
The stores we use have power carts, except Aldees, at least it's small and I can walk that far.
Does this give me more privilege because we're in a place that has these accommodations? Perhaps, there is still so much more to do for the community.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by I'mOneToo

For me, primarily in clinical settings (of which there are many in my life, unfortunately). I am loath to discuss such personal details in a public forum but it is an issue for me. It's an extremely sensitive issue, obviously, and I can answer a general survey (such as above) but that's about it. But are you asking AtLastHome? Not clear. Sorry if this is overstepping. You may have gotten that answer already while I'm typing.

I really have no specific agenda about how the thread can or should go. I know that there are some things I would not be specific about just because, unfortunately, sometimes members post in very insensitive and.. well, ignorant ways. I just wanted to call attention to this as I feel all other kinds of privilege get talked about. And since I really have read some totally able-bodied privileged remarks about sex here and on the dash site, I feel a little enlightenment is needed. Also, many people are really not aware of what they are saying.. and not really in a mean way. They just don't have any perswonal experience with the subject.

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

What does it look like when able body privilege pokes it ugly head up in conversations about sex and sexuality? Because I'm differently abled (HATE the word disabled) and I have not seen it.

Can you give me some examples?

Yes, I get the differently-abled idea.

OK, on the infidelity thread, there was a post that bugged me in that it made a reference to illness and disability as a reason for someone to seek sex outside of the relationship. Obviously, the person was talking about a partner not having these issues at the start of their relationship.

What bothered me was 1) viewing someone with a disability or chronic illness as sexually defective.... Hello, there are many ways to have sex and I felt this was predicated on the able-bodied place of privilege that sexual activity can only be one way, the able-bodied person's way. 2) an inability to explore adjustments and adaptations for a partner. 3) Using a disability issue as an excuse to seek sex outside of the relationship. People are different about fidelity, so please do not think I am speaking about poly folks in a negative manner, I'm not. This is just one example.

I also have a close femme friend that has run into the other side of this- having people believe they are doing her some kind of favor as an able-bodied person having sex with her. She can see this sort a mile away and smacks their privilege right down, but this is not true for many other differently-abled women. She has also had more than one incident of drivers of Para-transit buses hitting on her, mostly with this pity-fuck attitude. All old farty men.. she's in her 20's and this is during the course of their work hours. Yes, she reported this. She is very attractive and quite severely disabled and has been since birth. She is also an extremely bright and articulate woman.. and enjoys sex. She has been sexually active in the same age ranges and frequencies as the rest of us. LOL.. I admit, I have to be careful and not try to intervene for her if it is not invited. She can take care of herself and does.

And oh yes, she deals with what One is talking about…. The complete denial of disabled people having a normal and healthy libido!

Does this help?

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

Yes, I get the differently-abled idea.

OK, on the infidelity thread, there was a post that bugged me in that it made a reference to illness and disability as a reason for someone to seek sex outside of the relationship. Obviously, the person was talking about a partner not having these issues at the start of their relationship.

What bothered me was 1) viewing someone with a disability or chronic illness as sexually defective.... Hello, there are many ways to have sex and I felt this was predicated on the able-bodied place of privilege that sexual activity can only be one way, the able-bodied person's way. 2) an inability to explore adjustments and adaptations for a partner. 3) Using a disability issue as an excuse to seek sex outside of the relationship. People are different about fidelity, so please do not think I am speaking about poly folks in a negative manner, I'm not. This is just one example.

I also have a close femme friend that has run into the other side of this- having people believe they are doing her some kind of favor as an able-bodied person having sex with her. She can see this sort a mile away and smacks their privilege right down, but this is not true for many other differently-abled women. She has also had more than one incident of drivers of Para-transit buses hitting on her, mostly with this pity-fuck attitude. All old farty men.. she's in her 20's and this is during the course of their work hours. Yes, she reported this. She is very attractive and quite severely disabled and has been since birth. She is also an extremely bright and articulate woman.. and enjoys sex. She has been sexually active in the same age ranges and frequencies as the rest of us. LOL.. I admit, I have to be careful and not try to intervene for her if it is not invited. She can take care of herself and does.

And oh yes, she deals with what One is talking about…. The complete denial of disabled people having a normal and healthy libido!

Does this help?

Maybe it is two different reading on one thing. I read and then re-read the post in question. I didn't read it the same way you did. I read it as an unfortunate fact that chronic/severe illness can cause so much stress in a relationship that intimacy goes by the wayside. It happens, and I am not sure that is able bodied privilege as it takes TWO to work on intimacy. Perhaps in some cases. I have more than a fair share of differentabilities. I have traumatic brain injury and have seizures. I've done a few years of chemo. It hasn't affected me too much. I have a great relationship with the hubby and we use humor to get through. (like i am a life sized vibrator).

I went to a Winter Ball recently and wow did they go out of the way to accommodate my wheelchair. I even had my own personal valet push me up the wheel chair ramp, and Toughy danced with me a did a strip-tease. My hubby sat on my lap and we slow wheeled rather than slow dance.

I have NEVER had the impression that a person was doing me a favor, but I have thought to myself that some people LOVE to pat themselves on the back for being so accepting. It makes me smile inside because they have no clue how transparent or asshatish that is.

We're all sexual creatures, no matter the ism we carry. Woof!

eta: i don't so much believe that able bodied *privilege* is a systemic problem. I think for the most part people don't know what they don't know. I try to educate whomever journeys into my path, and usually when I do we have a wonderful series of A-Ha moments OR they bury their head in sand deeper because it scares them in a *but for the grace of god go I* kind of way.

[AtLast]

Able-bodied privilege checklist:

This list is based on Peggy McIntosh’s article on white privilege. These dynamics are but a few examples of the privilege which able-bodied people have.

On a daily basis as an able-bodied person…

1. I can easily arrange to be in the company of people of my physical ability.

NO


2. If I need to move, I can easily be assured of purchasing housing I can get access to easily - accessibility is one thing I do not need to make a special point of looking for.

NO


3. I can be assured that my entire neighborhood will be accessible to me.

NO NO NO


4. I can assume that I can go shopping alone, and they will always have appropriate accommodations to make this experience hassle-free.

HELL NO


5. I can turn on the television or open a newspaper and see people of my physical ability represented.

NOPE


6. When I learned about history, people of my physical ability were well represented.

NON-EXISTENT


7. I was given curricular material which showed people like me as a role model.

NO


8. I can be assured that assumptions about my mental capabilities will not be made based on my physical status.

OH HELL NO


9. I can swear, dress sloppily, or even be in a bad mood without people attributing it to my physical disability.

NOPE


10. I can do well in challenging situations very often without being told what an inspiration I must be to other able-bodied people.

THAT KIND OF PANDERING MAKES ME BARF


11. I have been asked to speak for all physically challenged people.

UH NO, BUT I HAVE PIPED UP TO ADVOCATE FOR MYSELF AND OTHERS


12. Almost always, when asking to speak to the person in charge, will find someone of the same physical status.

NO, AND VERY UNLIKELY TO EVER FIND THAT


13. I can buy posters, postcards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys, children’s magazines featuring people of the same physical status.

HAHA NOT IN THIS SPHERE


14. I can take a job with an affirmative action employer without having someone suspect I got my job because of my disability.

I COULDN'T EVEN GET AN INTERVIEW, LET ALONE A JOB


15. If I am fired, not given a raise, or not hired, I do not have to question whether it had anything to do with my appearing physically incompetent..

DOES NOT APPLY

Addition:

I can be assured that assumptions about my sexuality and sexual needs and desires as well will not be made based on my physical status.

NO, IT IS ASSUMED I HAVE NO SEXUALITY, NO SEXUAL NEEDS, NO DESIRES, AND NEVER WILL.

[SuperFemme]

Able-bodied privilege checklist:


1. I can easily arrange to be in the company of people of my physical ability.

Sometimes. It's getting better.

2. If I need to move, I can easily be assured of purchasing housing I can get access to easily - accessibility is one thing I do not need to make a special point of looking for.

Yes.


3. I can be assured that my entire neighborhood will be accessible to me.

Yes.


4. I can assume that I can go shopping alone, and they will always have appropriate accommodations to make this experience hassle-free.

Not always, but often.


5. I can turn on the television or open a newspaper and see people of my physical ability represented.

Yes, though not as much as I'd like.


6. When I learned about history, people of my physical ability were well represented.

It's hard to say.


7. I was given curricular material which showed people like me as a role model.

Yes.


8. I can be assured that assumptions about my mental capabilities will not be made based on my physical status.

It's actually the opposite, unless I need a wheelchair.


9. I can swear, dress sloppily, or even be in a bad mood without people attributing it to my physical disability.

Yes, then they make classist assumptions.


10. I can do well in challenging situations very often without being told what an inspiration I must be to other able-bodied people.

Yes.


11. I have been asked to speak for all physically challenged people.

No.


12. Almost always, when asking to speak to the person in charge, will find someone of the same physical status.

Again, unless I am in my wheel chair, no. But sometimes they do seek out a man.


13. I can buy posters, postcards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys, children’s magazines featuring people of the same physical status.

Yes, but it's a niche market.


14. I can take a job with an affirmative action employer without having someone suspect I got my job because of my disability.

I've not tried.


15. If I am fired, not given a raise, or not hired, I do not have to question whether it had anything to do with my appearing physically incompetent..

I resigned because my different ability was a liability to my company.

Addition:

I can be assured that assumptions about my sexuality and sexual needs and desires as well will not be made based on my physical status.

Honestly? It's not come up as I am pretty up front about everything erasing the need for assumption.

ETA: The HUGE problem I have with the substitution of race for disability in this checklist is that many many disabilities are invisible. These questions seem geared to a population that has highly visible disabilities and/or mobility issues. Which is important of course, but what of those of us who are disabled AND invisible?

Let us look at THOSE as well.

Autoimmune disabilities

• Scleroderma
• Rheumatoid arthritis
• Crohn's disease
• Primary immunodeficiency
• Lupus
• Sjögren's syndrome
• Interstitial cystitis

Chronic pain disabilities

• Fibromyalgia
• Injuries
• Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy
• Arachnoiditis
• Temporomandibular joint disorder

Dietary disabilities

• Coeliac Disease
• Diabetes
• Fructose malabsorption
• Hypoglycemia
• Inflammatory bowel disease
• Metabolic syndrome
• Lactose Intolerance
• Lactulose Intolerance
• Hereditary Fructose Intolerance
• Irritable Bowel Syndrome
• Food allergies (the most common are peanut, milk, egg, tree nut, fish, shellfish, soy, and wheat)
• Ulcerative Colitis

Neurological disabilities

• Multiple Sclerosis
• Transverse Myelitis
• Lyme Disease
• Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease
• Hyperhidrosis
• ADHD
• Autism
• Asperger syndrome
• Epilepsy
• Circadian rhythm sleep disorders
• Intracranial hypertension
• Fibromyalgia
• Brain Injury
• Dyslexia, dyscalcula, and other specific learning disabilities

Psychiatric disabilities

People with psychiatric disabilities make up a large segment of the invisibly-disabled population covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990. Examples include:

• Major depression
• Bipolar disorder
• Anxiety disorders
• Schizophrenia
• Personality disorders (when discussing mental impairments)

[Andrew, Jr.]

My answers are no, as well. Most all of the women who I have met...they just don't want to be bothered. It is an inconvience to them to have a guy/butch who is not rock solid.