5 Signs You May Be Dating an E-Cheater

[bigbutchmistie]

Well I saw this and I thought hmmm its fitting for all of us single folks who are looking online for dates and hopefully potential partnerships....

I also though, NO DUH at all the signs.. Thats common sense.

These days if you are single and NOT dating online, you may be missing out. Over 40 million Americans (that's about half the single population) are looking for love in cyberspace. Gone are the days of having to pretend that "er... Aunt Sally set us up!" At this point, most of us know someone who has found a great long-term relationship as the result of being on an online dating site.
What we don't hear about as much is the number of people dating online who are not single. Some estimate that close to one-third of those dating online are, in fact, otherwise attached.
There are a number of reasons why people who are already in a relationship go online to find love (or more realistically, a fling), but that is for another installment. For now, you need to protect yourself so you don't end up being misled by a person you really like who is e-cheating.
Consider these five questions to determine if you are with someone who is already... with someone.


#1. When do you communicate with each other?

Noticing your date's schedule is the first step in spotting an e-cheater. Are you communicating with your date at odd hours -- very early in the morning or very late at night? Have you ever spoken during peak times, like between 7-10 p.m. during the week? What about the weekends? If your date is only free to see or call you at odd hours and rarely around on the weekends, take note.
Even if this person isn't e-cheating: A person who is never free to speak or meet at peak times, perhaps because he/she is a workaholic, is still unavailable!

#2. Are you confined to emails and texts?

While it's true that some people hate the phone, make sure to have at least a few phone conversations with your date at peak times. And a word of caution: if you have enjoyed intimate online chats for more than a month but have never met in person, that's a warning sign. Typed words are no basis for a relationship! Whenever possible, communicate three to five times before booking a live date, and then go outside and get offline.
Even if this person isn't e-cheating: There's no point in communicating online for months on end. Doing so only increases expectations and decreases your chance for a spark when you finally meet.

#3. Have you met your date's friends, family, or co-workers?

Have you seen your date in his/her world? Of course you likely won't meet your date's network right away. But after a few months of dating, it is a valid concern if you have never met people connected to him/her.
Even if this person isn't e-cheating: If you've dated for months and your partner does not want to introduce you to others, it doesn't matter whether or not he/she is single; you should be concerned that you are not meeting people close to him/her.

#4. Have you been to your date's home?

After a few months of dating, your partner should have shared his/her home with you. I have a client who used to tell me that the guy she was dating was so romantic. He flew into her hometown every month on business and would invite her to hotels all over the city for dates. Turns out this guy -- who she thought was flying into Canada from the U.K. -- lived 30 minutes away from her with his wife and two kids.

#5. Do you trust your intuition?

Bottom line: you have a better sense than anybody does about what feels right. It is true that people who have nothing to worry about in a relationship rarely question their partner's fidelity. If you have an "off" feeling, trust your gut and investigate further. There's likely a good reason why you are questioning where you stand.

Like I said above that's just commons sense. All rules above I live by... I learned the hard way...

[Selenay]

First, where did this come from? Who wrote this?

And secondly, I don't agree with their idea that you should meet a partner after less than a month. Perhaps if you live in the same city that holds true, but otherwise it's a minimum of three months. It takes me a month to give someone my phone number!

But I grew up online, so perhaps I feel differently than others.

[bigbutchmistie]

By dating expert Andrea Syrtash

[Dylan]

For me personally

The article A) reads like it was written by someone who dated a cheater and is therefore scorned and B) setting up unrealistic expectations and ridiculous 'warning' signs, because she 'refuses to be embarrassed again'. I mean, some of the things just sound a little paranoid.

I'm sorry, but the whole 'peak time' thing, just doesn't work all the time...nor does meeting within a month, nor does meeting 'family'. I've been with Mahhh Woman for 2 years, and I've known her for 4 or 5 years. She's met no one from my family, and she's only met one of my close friends. And coworkers? Really? After how long?

At least those things don't work for people in my particular class bracket. Sorry, but I don't have the money to visit friends and family just because I'm internet dating someone, and they're afraid of getting burned twice.


Maybe It's Just Me,
Dylan

[T D]

Been there, lived it... these signs are real and true!

[apretty]

i'm doing #s 1 and 2 right now and i like the idea of #3 but it's hard to get someone to keep their family from me 100 % of the time.

[Kobi]

It's late, I'm tired, I had to read this a few times before I understood that e-cheater was referring to someone who was married or otherwise involved with someone else who was prowling the net as a single person.

Poor June is probably in the corner banging her head against the wall again waiting for the misunderstandings to bloom

[Jet]

Originally Posted by bigbutchmistie

Well I saw this and I thought hmmm its fitting for all of us single folks who are looking online for dates and hopefully potential partnerships....

I also though, NO DUH at all the signs.. Thats common sense.

These days if you are single and NOT dating online, you may be missing out. Over 40 million Americans (that's about half the single population) are looking for love in cyberspace. Gone are the days of having to pretend that "er... Aunt Sally set us up!" At this point, most of us know someone who has found a great long-term relationship as the result of being on an online dating site.
What we don't hear about as much is the number of people dating online who are not single. Some estimate that close to one-third of those dating online are, in fact, otherwise attached.
There are a number of reasons why people who are already in a relationship go online to find love (or more realistically, a fling), but that is for another installment. For now, you need to protect yourself so you don't end up being misled by a person you really like who is e-cheating.
Consider these five questions to determine if you are with someone who is already... with someone.


#1. When do you communicate with each other?

Noticing your date's schedule is the first step in spotting an e-cheater. Are you communicating with your date at odd hours -- very early in the morning or very late at night? Have you ever spoken during peak times, like between 7-10 p.m. during the week? What about the weekends? If your date is only free to see or call you at odd hours and rarely around on the weekends, take note.
Even if this person isn't e-cheating: A person who is never free to speak or meet at peak times, perhaps because he/she is a workaholic, is still unavailable!

#2. Are you confined to emails and texts?

While it's true that some people hate the phone, make sure to have at least a few phone conversations with your date at peak times. And a word of caution: if you have enjoyed intimate online chats for more than a month but have never met in person, that's a warning sign. Typed words are no basis for a relationship! Whenever possible, communicate three to five times before booking a live date, and then go outside and get offline.
Even if this person isn't e-cheating: There's no point in communicating online for months on end. Doing so only increases expectations and decreases your chance for a spark when you finally meet.

#3. Have you met your date's friends, family, or co-workers?

Have you seen your date in his/her world? Of course you likely won't meet your date's network right away. But after a few months of dating, it is a valid concern if you have never met people connected to him/her.
Even if this person isn't e-cheating: If you've dated for months and your partner does not want to introduce you to others, it doesn't matter whether or not he/she is single; you should be concerned that you are not meeting people close to him/her.

#4. Have you been to your date's home?

After a few months of dating, your partner should have shared his/her home with you. I have a client who used to tell me that the guy she was dating was so romantic. He flew into her hometown every month on business and would invite her to hotels all over the city for dates. Turns out this guy -- who she thought was flying into Canada from the U.K. -- lived 30 minutes away from her with his wife and two kids.

#5. Do you trust your intuition?

Bottom line: you have a better sense than anybody does about what feels right. It is true that people who have nothing to worry about in a relationship rarely question their partner's fidelity. If you have an "off" feeling, trust your gut and investigate further. There's likely a good reason why you are questioning where you stand.

Like I said above that's just commons sense. All rules above I live by... I learned the hard way...

I learned my lesson...never again meeting someone online. well,..never again meeting someone period.

[Words]

This part, I agree with.

''Bottom line: you have a better sense than anybody does about what feels right.''

Words, off to prepare breakfast for the wife and six kids that B. forgot to mention during O/our six-month online romance. Not. *Insert eye roll*

P.S. In all seriousness, it's wise to be careful...sometimes, though, you just gotta go, aided by a not insignificant ammount of common sense, with what feels right.

[AtLast]

I think I prefer being set-up.... Well, only by those that really know me well... However, I did meet my last partner online, however, that was 9 years ago and I see a difference with my experiences then and now. Hummm... wonder if it has to do with recent dating within the B -F community almost exclusively? First time for me to do so and I have actually shifted away from this now. Feels too constraining and scripted for me in many ways. LOL... actually shifted away from dating entirely lately! And its Spring...

Who knows! Actually, I find that that where I live has many dating opportunities in which B-F folks are intermingled with the various LGBTI sub-communities and that just works better for me. A very positive thing for someone that doesn't like group think.

[bigbutchmistie]

Thank you all for your responses. Even if you didnt agree.. For some of us it rings true and others it doesnt. I just enjoyed the article and thought I'd share and get a different discussion going

[Dylan]

I think basing all of your future relationships off of past relationships only sets you up for being perpetually single.

I mean, yeah, there's a difference between using common sense and being a moron

But I also tend to think that if the same things keep happening with everyone you date, that has more to do with you than 'everyone you date'. When the only common variable is you, you're probably what's really at issue.

Looking for reasons NOT to date someone is kind of setting them up to fail, and you'll never find a partner. Yeah, some people are assholes, but if you treat everyone else like they're 'going to be an asshole, and I'm going to prove it by looking for any reason to prove that theory...see, look, you don't talk to me during these times. HA! gotcha fucker!" you're only setting yourself up.

If you look at the rest of the world as assholes just waiting to treat you badly, you'll definitely prove that's true...but maybe not because everyone really is an asshole, but because you treat everyone like they're an asshole.


Dylan