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06-23-2011, 09:07 AM | #1 |
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I love...
my beautiful M whom I'm spending a month with - starting in less than 3 days - who is beautiful, beautiful through and through and who loves me in a way that heals me and who lets me love her as deeply as I'm wont, who lets me shower her in kisses, who heals my heart and my hurt just by accepting me as I am
Garrison Keillor for his depth and his gorgeous poetry readings on the Writer's Almanac and his masterful and complex story-telling which I think is on-par with Shakespeare in many ways Dorothy Allison for telling her stories about being poor, white, Southern, ill-thought-of, a survivor of abuse, and a victorious, beautiful, real, wise, funny femme James Baldwin for the sheer and total beauty of his mind, the poetry of this thoughts, his philosophy, his attitude toward despair, his deep understanding of human psychology and sociology my mom for loving me even in my worst moments and because she is so damn effing admirable in her own right this site and those who make it both positive and possible, to those who labor for it, who breathed life into it, who mod it, who post frequently and have lately been the targets of vitriol because of their positive actions and their hard decisions. Rachel Maddow for being an unapologetic, intellectual, gleefully geeky start to my day - and it doesn't hurt that she's adorable and a lesbian and that her girlfriend seems like the kind of woman I would love to know. my pets - who are often the most warm and positive "people" in my daily life my best friend who is much more like a sister to me, her fabulous daughter who is (ridiculously!) already grown up now and gutsy and funny and just full of awesome my best friend's husband who is a long-term LGBTQ ally, an artist, and who cried on their wedding day. I love him in his own right, but I love him all the more for being so good for and to my fiery friend PFLAG - for offering comfort and allyship even in conservative Texas counties like mine. I am thinking of joining. my little scientist brother and his collection of bugs - who just got his marine biology bachelor's this year, made high scores on his GRE and who is spending his summer collecting data on sea turtles in Mexico all memories of childhood involving dress-up or a sprinkler or make-believe or the basketball my dad gave me. women's basketball (on occasion) - mostly because I once wanted to play and then also because it just makes me happy to watch the laughing jesus - just the idea of a laughing Jesus brings a bit of warmth to my soul. sea shells - even the broken ones the toads we found happily under some left-over boards in the back yard - may they have found new homes by now. Perhaps a summer project will be to make fancy toad-houses for these sweet bug-eating creatures. dragons and mermaids - dragons because they remind me of her, mermaids because I just always have loved them cigarettes (dammit I broke down last night with no bfp online) feminism (thank you thank you thank you) barton springs pool (austin, tx) at night under the full moon (worth the shivers) zilker gardens (gorgeous, romantic, well-planned) camping (with showers and bathrooms nearby, thanks) zen podcasts (because they give me peace, they make me challenge myself) having a job (thank the gods) camp camp (beautiful, bizarre, occasional free-mic queer night in Austin) having a vehicle that moves forward if not back wondering about the difference between forward and forwards, between toward and towards meditation (because it brings me gifts, because it's a gift I give to myself and anybody who has to deal with me) remembering an old therapist's phrase, "that's on you" - remembering when to apply it to me, remembering when to apply it to others remembering the AA phrase, "you spot it you got it" when it comes to criticism. (I grew up with mountains of criticism, and it helps me to know in my own heart that when I have trouble with others, it's usually because I see some part of myself in them. I can't fix others, but I can always work to fix myself) keeping my side of the street as clean as possible (I have a lot of work to do) all the hard lessons love has taught me (I am the better person for those lessons) my lottery fantasies (they are worth the price) Tracy Chapman for her words and her silence, her strength and her delicacy, her decency, her activism Johnny Depp for his idealism and artistic talent and integrity and his life-long struggle with being objectified Clint Eastwood for Million Dollar Baby which broke my heart Hillary Swank for Boys don't cry and for being an ally to our community Chloe Sevigny for existing Kate Winslett for refusing to be generic, for being lush and full-bodied by hollywood standards, for having integrity Cate Blanchett for her total commitment to her craft and her huge talent old episodes of Northern Exposure - especially the lesbian episode The movie and the book, "Orlando" by Virginia Woolf digging in the dirt (literally) Peter Gabriel for speaking his truth regarding violation in his childhood Being kind even when it's hard The kindness of strangers - often realized long after the fact and therefore ensconced in a type of sadness All of the many things taught to me, brought to me, shared with me by former lovers and friends - those gifts remain even when the partings were harsh those moments when things seem possible, like when the wind blows hard and gusty in the tall trees and it feels like change is in the air Texas thunderstorms - a thing I never stop missing when I spend time elsewhere kids - who can be savage and cruel but who also can be real in a way that's beyond me. The first time I met my best friend's kid, she was 5 and had an imaginary friend. When I met her again, she was a second grader. She sat down with me in the back seat of the car and said to me, "You're a little bit chubby, Mommy's a little bit chubby, and I'm a little bit chubby, AND THAT'S OKAY!" She was so young and so sweet and so warm. She learned from her mother to always build people up and to appreciate the real things worth appreciating about them, to encourage them. She's extremely funny but never cruel. She's a good kid. If I ever have a kid, I hope s/he turns out at least half as well. Near the end of his life, the story goes that Buddha instructed his followers to be lights unto themselves, but I must say I deeply appreciate those who manage to be lights for other people too. The road is long, the critics and ill-wishers too many to count, our rights, our lives, our treatment in sickness, old age and death are up in the air. We have all made it to adulthood without escaping some level of damage. But like Leonard Cohen says, "There's a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." I aspire to keep my sputtering lamp lit, to keep love in my heart, to choose generosity over judgmentalism, to keep fanning the flames of hope within and without this community. I love those people who are able to keep those flames going so brightly we can see our way a little better when our flames are at their lowest. I love my eccentric family, they give me comfort that my own idiosyncracies are alright and not unlovable. I love my iphone because it keeps me connected to brain stimulation while working at my repetitive and thankless job (for which I am still so grateful). I love podcasts and audio books and classes that keep my mind and soul from atrophying in this small fundy town.
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I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl
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06-23-2011, 09:56 AM | #2 |
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old dogs
children watermelon wine (this is not original; i just wanted to see who else thought of this right off)
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06-23-2011, 11:08 PM | #3 |
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solitude
rough lessons tower card moments for their breath taking mix of opportunity and terror my houndies my beautiful, brilliant, complex friends weed for the way it alters my perception and relaxes my body and mind having an internal compass for ethical behavior (even when it is a pain in the ass) old people telling stories poetic prose peaceful quietness between friends
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. "I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction. " Ayn Rand, Anthem "So you'll die happily for your sins. You'd rather die in guilt then live in love?" Timothy Leary |
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06-23-2011, 11:11 PM | #4 |
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I love...
spending time with my best friend sleeping in the same bed as my girlfriend a snoring bulldog at the foot of my bed reading a interesting book hearing good music |
06-24-2011, 01:02 AM | #5 |
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I love
Being a night owl. I forego it for most of the year for responsible bed times. I indulge in it during the summer.
Really good lyrics. The kind that breathe over the music Grammar. But I love breaking the rules in the interest of artistic expression (or laziness). The color Pink because it is polarizing and pisses people off. Gray cats. Goof because he is steadfast and surefooted(unless he's carrying laundry), and his ability to continue to surprise me, not many people do.(he's easy on the eyes too) I love fuz for her tenderhearted thinking soul Pup cuz she hates feelings, but is one of the most kind hearted souls I know. I lovelove "Glee" And I have an unhealthy obsession with gadgets And I would probably hose our house down in floral prints and lace and tiny breakable geehaws if left to my own devices
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"We never forget those who make us blush." Jean-Francois de la Harpe |
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06-24-2011, 06:24 PM | #6 |
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my car
detailing my car my girlfriend my stepson my dog my family mountain biking hiking being cancer free being butch the beach skippy hellman's dr. marten's watches a fresh haircut woods creeks the perfect pair of underwear the perfect hair gel/paste/wax what I do for a living fountain diet Coke with a squirt of vanilla syrup grotto pizza summer
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-Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated? |
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06-24-2011, 10:18 PM | #7 | |
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Quote:
How I fooled Blush. Dogs. Wine--oh, all right, I might love a couple more things: my Oiley Beauhunk Blush Goof the Dude Hookers a bunch of Austinites and others far and wide but christ I can't get all mushy and go naming a bunch of people I love or that completely blows my whole cover.
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Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things." "I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "...Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." |
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06-24-2011, 10:49 PM | #8 |
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I LOVE
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06-24-2011, 10:52 PM | #9 |
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Nat was totally checking Blush out (OMG me too!).
I will be getting a chocolate chip cookie soon. The Beauhunk thread stalks me like a big dog.
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Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things." "I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "...Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." |
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06-24-2011, 10:53 PM | #10 |
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I love this. My coming out soundtrack. Got me through a very difficult time in my life.
http://youtu.be/O64ymlzUctI |
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06-24-2011, 10:56 PM | #11 | |
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Quote:
I think my coming out soundtrack was
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I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl
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06-24-2011, 11:22 PM | #12 |
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Drives down two lane country roads
small Texas towns My cat Jake the sky at sunset writing poetry at 3 a.m. when the house is quiet having friends for more than 30 years black and white movies Edward Hopper paintings music of all kinds architecture abandoned places photography wensleydale cheese romance the milky way as seen from the west Texas desert Glacier National Park Old Travel Trailers the look in a woman's eye when she is satsified
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Chivalry is when you meet a woman you would rather die for, than live with. |
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06-24-2011, 11:36 PM | #13 | ||
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Quote:
Quote:
And if I'm ever reborn, I want Pup's legs and Nat's ass-ets.
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"We never forget those who make us blush." Jean-Francois de la Harpe |
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06-25-2011, 12:00 AM | #14 |
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Who's Denise? She sounds like a jerk.
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Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things." "I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "...Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." |
06-25-2011, 03:48 AM | #15 |
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The touch of hys hands across my neck as I am cooking dinner...
I love the sound of their innocent little laughs from the next room... I love the way hy smells when he kisses me goodbye in the morning before hy leaves for work I love watching them sleep in their crib as if they don't have a single care in the world... I love my life... |
05-02-2012, 09:31 AM | #16 |
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Spending time with my BFF even if it is just on yahoo.
time with the people who mean the most the Beach!!! Vacations!! Great Health |
05-02-2012, 09:58 AM | #17 |
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Getting really dirty working in the gardens during a warm summer rain...and then taking a long, lavish, lavender-scented, candle-lit, Sade-playing, bubble bath.
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05-22-2012, 10:37 PM | #18 |
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beautiful spirited people that are sincere
real friends that know what to say before they even know what is going on my mentors who want nothing but the best for my projects and the directions i want to go |
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12-04-2012, 02:55 PM | #19 |
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...the habit of sending a message before bed
...waking up to texts from MBE and Bear ...being able to say good morning to another ...sporadic messages throughout the day ...random energy changes around me, and knowing why ...waking up with the realization that with all the faults and trials, I have a beautiful life |
12-23-2012, 09:00 AM | #20 |
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The beautiful blue sky I am looking at right now, out my window and no wind. I think I will go for a bicycle ride when I finish my coffee.
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I don't want to spend my life with someone I can live with, I want to spend my life with someone I can't live without. |
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