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02-07-2010, 02:36 PM | #1 |
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What is Forgiveness?
There are many events that happen in our lives from childhood to current events that require us to forgive. Maybe abuse, or something a friend said or did or your parents or a spouse or partner. Sometimes we even have to find a way to forgive strangers.
How do you deal with forgiveness? Are there steps you take or processes you go through in your mind or physically. What do you do to forgive and really mean it? I read a list that opened my eyes just a bit ago, and got me to thinking. What Forgiveness is not Forgiveness is not condoning unkindness Forgiveness is not forgetting that what happened was painful Forgiveness is not excusing poor behavior Forgiveness is not denying or minimizing your hurt Forgiveness does not mean reconciling with the offender Forgiveness does not mean you give up having feelings What is Forgiveness Forgiveness is for you not the offender Forgiveness is taking back your power Forgiveness is taking responsibility for how you feel Forgiveness is about your healing not about the person that hurt you Forgiveness isa trainable skill just like learning to throw a ball Forgiveness is a choice Forgiveness is becoming the hero instead of the victim Let's talk about forgiveness, as we all have to deal with it in some form or another at various times of our lives |
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02-07-2010, 02:45 PM | #2 |
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In order to save MYSELF, I HAD to forgive the man who raped and beat me within an inch of my life. It was a cancer that grew and ate at me, until it almost destroyed me. So I forgave him in my heart. But forget? NEVER. EVER. I feel compassion towards him that in his fucked up mind he felt by raping me, it would prove his love for me. And that by beating me up, he would scare me into submisson. I forgive that. But forget? NEVER. My forgiveness of him was ALL for me. THAT he couldnt beat or rape out of me,
In unity, Jewel |
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02-07-2010, 03:03 PM | #3 |
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I can forgive...
I will not forget though...
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"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden |
02-07-2010, 04:35 PM | #4 |
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Forgiveness
I will have to come back and post on this.
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02-07-2010, 05:44 PM | #5 |
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Forgiveness = Unconditional Love
For me, and me alone, I believe in forgiveness. It is apart of unconditional love. I also believe it is an attitude. You have to make the decision yourself, by yourself, to forgive someone. I trust God to judge other's and their behavior.
For example, my bio-father was abusive. Nothing can change his behavior. I have to accept him, but forgive his behavior and move on. I cannot change the past. It haunts me to this very day. I cannot understand it. It makes no sense to me. It is the same as a parent who discovers their child who took nude pictures of themselves and posted them on the internet for all to see. You love your child, but hate the behavior. Some people believe in Karma. I do as well. However, Karma isn't just about the bad things in life. It is also about the good things too. What comes around goes around. Both good and bad. Namaste, Andrew |
02-08-2010, 02:25 PM | #6 |
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BUMP de BUMP BUMP
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02-09-2010, 05:58 PM | #7 | |
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Quote:
I just wanted to post a section of the OP......it's so powerful.....and timely. |
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02-10-2010, 03:51 PM | #8 |
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I am interested in forgiveness being a trainable skill. I would love to train myself to forgive.
Don't get me wrong, anyone who has ever asked me for forgiveness has gotten it...in general I would say I am a very forgiving person. And I am not talking about smallslights... I am trying to learn to forgive someone who gaslighted me all my life and is no longer around. People say so many things about how I have to just let it go, and I have no idea how. Yes, I am in therapy.
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02-10-2010, 04:55 PM | #9 | |
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For me, the crux is forgiving when it hasn't been asked for - when the offender may not have a bloody clue as to the impact of the words, the actions, the inactions or nonwords. I think that when we don't freely forgive these "trespasses" that we wind up just bottling that hurt up inside and I do think, as others have wisely stated here, that WE are the ones suffering for it. We stuff that hurt, anger and betrayal down and the negativity usually manifests in our health or in our interactions with the world. Sometimes, when I can't just seem to "get over it", I put it on paper. I write a letter as if I were going to send it to that person. Once its on paper (or in Word) I get rid of it. I've been known to burn the actual paper (not to be confused with setting an ex's stuff on fire at the edge of her yard. Enough bourbon and it SOUNDED like a good idea - but that is another thread about the follies of youth). If I typed it out on the PC, I delete it. Its symbolic for me in that I am making that decision to be done with it - either in the pressing of the delete key or by striking that match. I've also been known to ask for a cathartic "scene". Its been quite a while since I've needed that level of purging of the negative energy, but who knows, maybe its something I need. I'm sure others have their own ways in letting go. I'd be interested to hear them. ((((((((((((((((jen)))))))))))))) I've missed you posting! Christie |
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02-10-2010, 05:18 PM | #10 |
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Actually my therapist mentioned having some sort of ceremonial burning of something. Maybe a letter is the way to go?
I sent him (My father) a letter 12 years ago stating how I felt and demanding that I be treated with respect....We never spoke again. Maybe I will start writing how I feel about the whole thing, then burn the letter with tons of sage or something. I had no idea what to burn, thank you so much. For my sister the cremation was enough, somehow I need more. Man am I high maintenance! Hey that made me laugh...cool!
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02-10-2010, 05:33 PM | #11 |
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I have a personal belief...that although making amends and forgiveness
are 2 different things...I have 'made amends' with a few this year and that seems to ease the need to forgive. Rehashing is not always a good thing...for me.
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02-10-2010, 05:57 PM | #12 |
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eeek a little...
perhaps for me it's semantics...I don't have, for myself, a goal of 'forgiveness'...my goal is for 'acceptance'...what happened, what choices (or compulsions) were meted out is what happened...I think that it's my way of letting go of wishing things had not happened...or trying to figure out what (and it's almost always nothing) I could have done to prevent events, or what I might have 'done' to cause them...
I am, often to my detriment, able to really Understand why people do harm to others...how their own injuries drive them to act out in the ways they do, etc...I also know that someone with the same kinds of woundings can choose Not to impose harm on others...(that is simplistic I know)... my challenge is just accepting the truth of things...not getting stuck in wishing...not getting mired in self-pity...not giving up on struggling to move through the effects of being broken in ways which could keep me paralyzed...I find that when I am able to look at things and not have an immediate reaction which leads to self-destructive impulses, I have achieved a freedom from the past and move in the present and into the future empowered... as for forgetting....I never forget, and I don't want to...all the experiences of my life are just that--all the pieces that make up the Whole of My Life...I strive to be able to remember by conscious choice and not by having tapes running on a loop...but I want to have the strength and grace to hold all the memories of my life... that's what I work for and on and somehow forgiving just isn't the right fit for me, or what my internal filing system is all about... n |
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10-31-2015, 09:14 PM | #13 |
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Clear the air..
Forgiveness??..who am I to forgive?..should I forgive myself? should I forgive others?..hey,the past is the past..and to me,that can mean one day ago.
Not forgetting,now that can be toxic for me...and so,I move on and not lay my bad past experiences onto the new people who come into my life. At my age,I can't worry about nothing else but what is here at the moment.What I mean is that I live right now,right here,in the present..of course i'm probably more wiser,less trusting,more likely these days to say no to someone. Still,I am no angel,I make bad mistakes,I have hurt others and their feelings...people have hurt mine...people do that to one another. Don't let it eat you up inside...we're only human,acting human. |
11-01-2015, 03:59 AM | #14 |
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Although I know it is not good for my soul, it can take me decades to forgive (obviously for the big things, not the small things).
My mom died 27 years ago and I just forgave her about 5 years ago. That doesn't mean I didn't love her, I think it is because I love her so much and she was suppose to love me, that it took that long. I don't ever sweart the small stuff ..... the big stuff hurts. I have something going on with someone right now that very well could matter 5 years from now. I know this person will be one that I won't forgive and will intentionally avoid for the rest if my life. I don't have to wish them bad, I'll just be indifferent towards the situation. When it is all over, I'll never see them ever again and they will never know when I have forgiven because I won't talk to them ever again. Ubless it is a big thing, I forgive quickly. If it is a big thing, they can plan on never hearing from me again.
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11-01-2015, 06:33 AM | #15 |
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accepting the differences in ppl have taught me to forgive ~ there are some things ppl have to forgive themselves for ~
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11-02-2015, 09:34 AM | #16 |
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speaks volumes to me.
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11-02-2015, 07:00 PM | #17 |
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I think we forgive people because hating them doesn't serve us in any way.
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