Passing - Is it a Privilege?

[Nat]

I began delving into passing privilege in the (very interesting and intriguing) thread about femme privilege but I think it warrants its own discussion - available to everybody in the community - because there are multiple forms of passing (or not passing) in this community.

This excerpt is from an article regarding mostly transwomen (from annelawrence.com), but I thought a lot of what was said would be relevant in a broader context as well. I really like how much of this is worded, because I think it hits on several important key points regarding the privilege of passing, and also a few points regarding the pain/disadvantages of passing.

*As an aside - where are the transwomen? Do we have transfemmes or other transwomen among us here? If not, I hope they discover us at some point and that they feel welcome here.*

...although most of them don't realize it, gay, lesbian and bisexual people also are gender variant, because they are defying cultural norms for their sexualities in their same-gender sexual relationships. Because passing privilege explains the power imbalances between overt and covert forms of gender variance amongst the sexual minorities, it becomes equally relevant to gay, lesbian and bisexual people as well as to transgendered people. As such, it is a key component of transfeminist analysis, as important as male privilege has been to earlier waves of feminism.

...

Passing privilege creates a significant power imbalance in the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered community, since it allows its possessors to escape the intense societal stigmatization and marginalization associated with being queer. Those who pass as nontransgendered or straight simply do not experience as much external oppression as those who do not. The lack of passing privilege makes it far more likely for someone, regardless of their sexual identity, to fall victim to discrimination, harassment and violence. Indeed, anyone who is perceived as queer - regardless of their sexual orientation - either lacks passing privilege or has forfeited it, by choice or by an overt act.

The impact of passing privilege on the political "LGBT" movement have been painfully obvious. Because the majority of gay men and lesbians possess it, they have the luxury of dominating the movement with their gay and lesbian identity politics which erases the sizable visible gender variance within their own communities. Gay and lesbian identity politics dumbs down the reason for their oppression to invisible acts committed mostly in the privacy of bedrooms. But who you sleep with doesn't get you into trouble - it's what you look like and how you act. One would think that visibly gender variant gay men and lesbians would be our immediate allies, but traditionally they have been almost as marginalized as trans people by their passing privileged peers. The covert and overt forms of gender variance, as manifested by the passing privileged and the visibly queer, have created deep divisions within and amongst the sexual minorities. One of the most glaring consequences is a "civil rights" movement that seeks to protect only the (already passing) privileged, with a leadership all too willing to sacrifice its community's most vulnerable members, as it panders to the genderphobia of straight legislators.

But the impact of passing privilege is felt far beyond just the LGBT political movement. Passing privilege has some unique qualities that separates it from other traditional forms of privilege which are bestowed at birth. For some transgendered and transsexual people seeking to live full-time, passing privilege can be gained through the administration of exogenous hormones, various cosmetic procedures and surgeries. However, the majority ultimately fail to obtain passing privilege, ironically prevented by their lack of birth privilege. There are simply too many physical characteristics produced by the surge of hormones during adolescence that cannot be erased by hormones and surgery in later years. Moreover, accessing these medical technologies is difficult and expensive, and usually a function of class and race privilege. Thus all transgendered people who go full-time will, at least at some point during their gender transitions, lack passing privilege. Even those who pass well enough while clothed or made-up lose their passing privilege in intimate situations - which is why many do not get routine medical check-ups, or even seek treatment for acute illnesses.

And there is an even darker side to passing privilege. Although no one talks about it, a hierarchy exists amongst transsexual women based upon it. In my own estimation, only about a third of transsexual women pass perfectly - thus allowing them to conceal their transsexual status. Passing privilege creates friction in our support groups between those with and without it. The passing privileged are usually a group's most popular members, and coveted as companions. Sadly, those who lack passing privilege are often rudely rebuffed by those who possess it when their friendship is sought. Thus passing privilege creates divisiveness even within our support groups, as it destroys solidarity and cripples our community- building efforts.

I feel like some of the stuff said about transwomen in the above quote applies also to femmes - at least to some extent. We don't talk toooo much about femme hierarchy, but I think there is some hierarchy associated with passing for straight - or for the amount of surprise and disbelief a femme gets when she imparts she is a lesbian and how that's both frustrating, disheartening and, at least for some femmes, also complimentary.

There's a lot here. I'm coming from a femme perspective at the moment, but I'm guessing there are a lot of perspectives here for people in this community who either pass or don't pass - and it could relate to any number of circumstances - passing or not passing for straight, lesbian, butch, femme, woman, man, cisgender, a certain race, nationality, ethinicity, religion, age, class, income-level, education level, etc.

Although these are various, I think perspectives on any of them from people who do or do not pass would or could be a really meaty and interesting discussion. Also, I would love other perspectives from books or articles or interviews or blog posts or whatever it is that speaks to you regarding passing.

My main question is - is it really a privilege? I don't have that answer for myself right now, (or, more accurately, I find myself alternating between "yes" and "no" and "maybe so") but I am very interested in getting a better and broader understanding.

[Nat]

I'm cross-posting this, because it probably belongs more in this thread than in the femme privilege thread, though the two issues (passing and femme privilege) overlap. I hope that's alright!

I was listening to an Outbeat Radio podcast called, "Coming out from Behind the Badge." This was a podcast about police officers both in and out of the closet, and they ended up talking about the negative side-effects of passing within the context of closeted officers. Because I feel that some of these issues do apply to passing privilege as experienced within this community, I went ahead and copied it down:

Gay officers, because a majority of them are in the closet, become the target of harrassment unknowingly by the harrasser. Many officers, they're not out to their families, friends, coworkers - and for that fact, they're unseen. Because they're unseen, a person will make homophobic jokes, gay comments, not knowing that they're affecting their officers sitting at the table. There's been many examples of good officers leaving agencies just because they were afraid that they would not get back-up because of what they've heard in the locker room, or they've heard at the briefing table. The unseen officer is a problem. The officers - once they come out - some harrassment will discontinue. They will not be harrassed in that manner. But their fear of not getting back-up or being ostricized once they are out is a very real threat to their safety.

This is just one example of how passing is a mixed bag. The podcast did interview one female cop and one man who said he is effeminate and that it's always been assumed he was gay. The majority of the officers were masculine men who spent years in the closet, and people assumed they were straight based on their gender presentations. Although there are definitely differences between passing for a straight cisgender man and passing for a straight cisgender woman, I still think this is one of many examples illustrating the mixed bag of passing for straight.

Honestly these days, I'm sick of coming out of the closet. Every aquaintanceship or friendship I begin feels like a game of double-dutch. I'm trying to figure out exactly how and when and in what way to jump in there and say, "I'm a lesbian." If it's too soon, it's out of context. If it's too late, things start feeling dishonest because I know they are assuming I am straight. It's taxing. It doesn't feel like a privilege to feel like I either have to discuss my personal life and identity with people or have them interpret and speak to me me as a straight woman.

Also, as suggested in the quoted text, I don't think it's better to be exposed to homophobic remarks by people who assume I'm straight than to be the intentional target of homophobic language. If I had to choose one-for-one between the two, maybe being the direct target is worse in that it's more immediately threatening, but receiving these messages from people who assume I'm straight is more insidious, frequent and unnerving. I definitely begin to feel those messages are the true feelings of society, and overall that makes me feel less hopeful about humanity.

[theoddz]

Nat, this is a great topic for discussion. I'm on my way out the door, but I'll be back to share some thoughts.

~Theo~

[PapaC]

Drive by thought...

privilege can exist/does exist whether one chooses to believe it is or isn't for themselves.

Is passing a privilege? depends on the context. Since my context tends to take shape from a more worldly/cosmopolitan/not-always-in-a-queer-bubble perspective, I would say, absolutely passing is a privilege, whether I want it to be or not. I like how you're bringing up a variety of intersections around the word privilege.

Much luck with this thread.

-Chris

[Nat]

Originally Posted by PapaC

Drive by thought...

privilege can exist/does exist whether one chooses to believe it is or isn't for themselves.

Is passing a privilege? depends on the context. Since my context tends to take shape from a more worldly/cosmopolitan/not-always-in-a-queer-bubble perspective, I would say, absolutely passing is a privilege, whether I want it to be or not. I like how you're bringing up a variety of intersections around the word privilege.

Much luck with this thread.

-Chris

Chris -

Thank you so much for your input! I've beena arguing with myself on this for the last few days, and I definitely see your point.

[Nat]

A note about the word "Passing" and its problematic use with transfolks -

Although it does appear (from the article I quoted) that some transfolks are fine with using the word "passing" to describe the experience of being interpreted as the gender one is, I can imagine for others that using the term "passing" in this way may seem self-negating.

I met a wonderful and funny transwoman years ago at a Queer Conference down at UT Austin. She said somebody asked her once about how she felt about not passing. She said she asked that person, "Not passing as what?? I look just like a transwoman." Still, many transfolks want to be interpreted as a "man" or a "woman" without the qualifier of "trans." I'm not sure "passing" is the most accurate word for that, and I don't want to impose it on anybody who feels uncomfortable with applying that word to theirself. (<--I know this use of the word "their" is extremely awkward, but I'm experimenting with the singular, gender-neutral use of the word "they" as it's the most commonly used gender-neutral use to spring naturally from the English language (I think)).

If you feel like there are privilege differences between being seen and understood as the gender you are, and *not* being seen and understood as the gender you are, please don't hesitate to contribute to this thread using whatever language suits you best.

Though I am not trans and cannot speak from a trans perspective, I would imagine trans people who are interpreted 24/7 as their gender may run into more trouble at airports, at gyms, in deciding when (and if?) to come out with potential new relationships, when applying for jobs where anxieties may arise about whether your references will use your correct pronoun/name, in the event of arrest, in the event of medical emergency, and also in the event of one's death if the news gets a hold of the story and spins it in a transphobic way. I can also imagine a transperson with this experience would be privy to transphobic commentary from cisgender folks who have no clue, and that this would be insidious and damaging in its unique way.

These are just some of the things I can imagine *might* be issues for transfolks who are interpreted as cisgender, but like I said, I'm not trans (in that sense) and I cannot fully know what it's like to either pass or not pass as the gender I actually feel that I am. (In fact, I never feel as though I pass as the gender I am because I am bigender).

When I "pass" for straight or even cisgender, it is a case of passing as something I am not. In this way, "passing" is a very different thing for me than the "passing" described in the quote from the perspective of a transwoman.

[Nat]

Originally Posted by theoddz

Nat, this is a great topic for discussion. I'm on my way out the door, but I'll be back to share some thoughts.

~Theo~

Yay! I'm looking forward to reading your thoughts!

[adorable]

Thanks Nat. I was going to post in the other thread since Medusa included feminine id'd peeps but it's in the femme zone - I can't figure out who the hell can post what where so - I like it when it's spelled out for me. lol

I pass as straight. That affords me the luxury afforded to all other straight looking white women in this society. I am not discriminated for being gay - unless I am somehow outed or I out myself. People like me who NEVER would if they knew ahead of time - then when they find out - too late - they like me. As a woman I have been passed over for a promotion for specifically that reason being a woman. It happened once and I left the company.

My ex and I both passed. Although people did say they were more likely to tell she was gay. Unless she was with me. lol. So we could hold hands in public and people would actually ask if we were sisters. She was Latina and brown?? We would say "Yep. We're twins!" I think it is because we were about the same size? lol. I have no idea. But it was assumed that we were not gay, just close like that. Even straight women, close friends & family will hold hands and lock arms when they are walking around. I've seen it. I never noticed any stares or backlash.

I could wrap myself in rainbow ribbons, be kissing a girl at pride and someone is likely to say "Oh look, an ally!"

Last year I went to NYC with a masculine looking butch. All morning people were staring at me. Of course, I thought it was because I looked fat. UNTIL someone yelled out to her something like "what up homie?" kind of snickering, trying to start shit. THEN I realized that the reason everyone had been staring at me all day is because they were now assuming I was gay. O-M-G The realization that everyone knew was just shocking to me. All of a sudden I didn't feel safe anymore. I was scared. She just laughed and said that was how it was for her every day of her life. YIKES.

I didn't love it. I felt like people were judging me in a way that they didn't before. I now HAD to hold onto her because we looked more formidable together and I felt like more of a target even 5 feet from her. By the end of the day I was ok, after I realized people weren't lining up to punch me in the face.

Where I live is very safe. I like going out with butches here and being seen as gay. I know where I am. I am sure nothing will happen. No one looks at you "like that." But a butch and I have to hold hands in order for me to be actually seen as gay. Because it's not uncommon to see butches here with lots of people so just walking next to each other doesn't work.

The only time that invisibility really sucks for me is when I'm trying to find someone to date. I am out at work. I am brave where I'm safe. I honestly don't know how I would deal with being stared at every day all the time. I guess I won't until I'm tested. I hate snow. HATE IT. I hate driving in it, looking at it, shoveling it....but I know I'm safe here and can be gay and do things like hug, kiss, hold hands, skip up and down the street with anyone I want- whatever - and it's ok, appreciated even.

Everywhere isn't like that. I have far more respect for those who live very queer looking lives in places that are unfriendly and in some cases hostile. It takes more guts then I realized. They are the ones who make life safer for me (and I think all of us) everyday in a meaningful way just by going to the grocery store and being visible.

[Rufusboi]

Sometimes I am read as female and sometimes male. I never know until I'm referred to as he or she. We recently sold a house. The real estate agent always referred to me as he (by the way, I never "correct" people on the use of pronouns.) Anyway, the agent, who is male, always referred to me as he. What we noticed though is that he spoke to Melissa in a different tone and manner than he talked to me.

Melissa said for the first time she realized how straight men address women differently than men. He was condescending to her but addressed me as a "buddy." At one point he called her "honey." Was he more sexist than other men? We're not sure. Do many straight men use a different tone of voice and approach to men rather than women? I don't know if I would call how he addressed me as "straight privilege" but I feel like we got to peak behind the curtain of how straight men address each other vs how they talk to women.

Rufus

[atomiczombie]

I absolutely anticipate that once the T I am on changes my body significantly, I will pass and experience privilege. When I think about it I feel anxiety. I told my therapist that, and she said I should call people on it when they are sexist toward women and homophobic, etc. But I should at least enjoy the privilege a little. After all, most of my life I have been perceived and treated by people as a girl/woman, a lesbian, and a gender oddity. The gender oddity part I experienced as a little kid, not just since I started wearing mens clothing and cut my hair as an adult (although I definitely experience that these days too). So, should I enjoy the privilege? I don't think I will be able to, because it just seems so fucking unfair to me. But maybe I will like it, I just don't know how that will feel when it comes. If I do end up enjoying the different way I am treated, would that make me an asshole? *shakes head*

On the other hand, I really want to be out as a transguy, for political reasons. I know that gay rights in America would be greatly advanced if every gay man and woman/lesbian came out to their family/friends, etc. When people hide in the closet, they are in some way contributing to the homophobia of our society. There is shame in hiding. At the same time, I understand that there are a lot of people who's well-being and lives would be at stake if they came out, so I don't really judge or fault such people for staying in the closet. Coming out is tough, and no one should be pressured to do so. You have to be ready yourself. But the fact remains, that if more people did come out, that would be a big blow to the homophobic bigots. If people know someone who is gay or lesbian, they are less likely to stay bigoted. Not saying there is a guarantee but the likely hood is significantly reduced. I realize that some of what I am saying is controversial. I know that some people will disagree with me. That's fine.

But I think it works the same way in some degree with transfolk. It is great to be treated as the gender that you feel you are inside. It is a liberating feeling. Yet, I myself want to be out as a transguy, to confront transphobia head-on. I think that if more of us weren't stealth, it would further our cause for equal rights. Yeah, I said it. We should be out if we want the same rights as cisgendered people. That means giving up privilege. I plan to do that in ways that count the most. With friends, (family already knows) and with anyone who I encounter in the world who is homophobic/transphobic. If I am able to work again, I might or might not out myself during the interview, but once I am settled into a job I won't make it a secret. This is a political choice. I make it on behalf of all my gay/lesbian/trangendered/queer brothers and sisters. Fuck privilege. I am out and proud.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Rufusboi

Sometimes I am read as female and sometimes male. I never know until I'm referred to as he or she. We recently sold a house. The real estate agent always referred to me as he (by the way, I never "correct" people on the use of pronouns.) Anyway, the agent, who is male, always referred to me as he. What we noticed though is that he spoke to Melissa in a different tone and manner than he talked to me.

Melissa said for the first time she realized how straight men address women differently than men. He was condescending to her but addressed me as a "buddy." At one point he called her "honey." Was he more sexist than other men? We're not sure. Do many straight men use a different tone of voice and approach to men rather than women? I don't know if I would call how he addressed me as "straight privilege" but I feel like we got to peak behind the curtain of how straight men address each other vs how they talk to women.

Rufus

My experiences are much the same.... amazing, isn't it? Interesting, as I realize that I like this dichotomy in my life (even though it can be difficult at times) because it is in sync with my internalization of female masculinity and keeps me aware of just how far we have to go! Serves as motivation. This probably is so because I am just someone that is ever involved in LGBTIQ politics as well as women's rights. Is different for everyone, I would think.

[mirandabrave]

Thanks for an terrific post. I agree in part (leaders of our movement do sacrifice the rights of trans people in a misguided, pragmatic and even self-hating attempt to lay a foundation for political success) and disagree (the political is personal: as a femme lesbian, I don't enjoy a privilege to pass - rather, I can elect to endure any uneasy detente the price of which is self immolation. I suppose a trans person could simply suffer living the life of the opposite gender, the one the world assigned at birth. So could we femme lesbians do that too. Is that life privledge? And if it is all about a private act in the bedroom, what does it mean when we take our lover's hand in the street because we love her? No, I would refine the argument: Attractive (not fat) apparently-gender confirming queer people are less threatening to the established order. We can choose in those moments of tacit acceptance to champion our trans brothers and sisters or we can leave them behind. Of course, when any of us is left behind, so are we all.

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by mirandabrave

No, I would refine the argument: Attractive (not fat) apparently-gender confirming queer people are less threatening to the established order. We can choose in those moments of tacit acceptance to champion our trans brothers and sisters or we can leave them behind. Of course, when any of us is left behind, so are we all.

What I find interesting here is that with all of the argument on either side about how trans folks have been included or left behind, how femmes can pass or not, how racial appearance matters....we are all apparently willing to let such a messed up fat-phobic statement just slide on by.

Mirandavbrave...I don't know you, and I see that you're new to the site. So...I'll say this gently. Fat does not equal unattractive, or threatening. So...as you are championing your trans brothers and sisters so that they aren't left behind...you might want to think about including your brothers and sisters who are "fat" by your definition as well.

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by JustJo

What I find interesting here is that with all of the argument on either side about how trans folks have been included or left behind, how femmes can pass or not, how racial appearance matters....we are all apparently willing to let such a messed up fat-phobic statement just slide on by.

Mirandavbrave...I don't know you, and I see that you're new to the site. So...I'll say this gently. Fat does not equal unattractive, or threatening. So...as you are championing your trans brothers and sisters so that they aren't left behind...you might want to think about including your brothers and sisters who are "fat" by your definition as well.

I had a hard time understanding the entire post, but I read that part a different way. I read it as acknowledging fat phobia.


But Like I Said, I Had A Hard Time Understanding The Whole Post,
Dylan

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by Dylan

I had a hard time understanding the entire post, but I read that part a different way. I read it as acknowledging fat phobia.


But Like I Said, I Had A Hard Time Understanding The Whole Post,
Dylan

In the interests of fairness, I went back and attempted to read the statement as an acknowledgement of fat phobia. Unfortunately, I can't. I think it's the paranthetical nature of the "attractive (not fat)" comment. To me it reads as if there is an assumption that for a person to be attractive, then they must not be fat.

It would be different for me if the post read "slim, attractive, apparently-gender conforming"...but it doesn't.

Originally Posted by mirandabrave

No, I would refine the argument: Attractive (not fat) apparently-gender confirming queer people are less threatening to the established order. We can choose in those moments of tacit acceptance to champion our trans brothers and sisters or we can leave them behind. Of course, when any of us is left behind, so are we all.

[mirandabrave]

Thanks for taking this up. I absolutely meant this as an acknowledgement of fat phobia and I am sorry it did not come clearly across. I've been quite obese and slim (roughly half my life spent in each category) and I will tell you it is as tough being fat (maybe tougher) that being an out dyke. (I use "fat" assertively, as I do "dyke' in this context.) I really was trying to say - and the parens did not communicate it as I had intended - that it is being "socially" attractive (not the eye of the beholder but the eye of social conformity) provides a significant social advantage. People with these advantages have a special chance to act politically and for justice.

Thanks for the chance to clarify.

[mirandabrave]

Hope you see my explanation - I am new here and I am not sure my clarification posted in the right place. I was being fat positive - I meant to be, but can understand how it wasn't clear. Hope my explanatory post pops up on the thread. I am sorry that my 100% alignment with your feelings instead caused you consternation (apparently due to a badly placed parenthesis). But I appreciate the chance to explain.

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by mirandabrave

Hope you see my explanation - I am new here and I am not sure my clarification posted in the right place. I was being fat positive - I meant to be, but can understand how it wasn't clear. Hope my explanatory post pops up on the thread. I am sorry that my 100% alignment with your feelings instead caused you consternation (apparently due to a badly placed parenthesis). But I appreciate the chance to explain.

Thanks mirandabrave...I appreciate your coming back to clarify. I know that the written word can be easily misunderstood despite all of our best efforts on both ends of the communication.

[chai~]

~bookmarking~

[Quintease]

This is quite an involved thread so I'll have to read it properly later. A couple of comments struck me, about outing a trans person.

My husband no longer considers himself trans, so the idea of 'passing' is irrelevant, he is male. Unfortunately other people, including people in the workplace and close friends, have no issue with 'outing' him. It's almost as if, because he doesn't 'look' trans, some people feel the need to 'warn' others that he is not really a man, that he is trans. I hate the gossipy nature of it and the total disrespect for his identity.