school experiences for trans folks

[Soft*Silver]

I started this thread because I didnt see another thread like it. My daughter just graduated and is now a licensed teacher. She secured a summer position teaching a class of 2nd and 3rd graders. She has 10 children. From day one she had a little "boy" who would always go where the girls were suppose to go. If the girls were to go to the tables to eat while the boys were to clean up the last activity, the child would go to the tables to eat. She never corrected him. When she had them line up to use the restrooms he went into the girls line. She asked him if he thought maybe he should be in the boys line and he said, no, because he was a girl. One of the boys piped upm and told "him" to get into the boys line. My daughter told the boy that this child could pick whatever line he wanted to stand in but when it came time to use the bathroom, (and she cleared it with the child before she said this) "he" would use the boys' room.

The child, (lets call him Randy) has a name that can be used for boy or girl. Randy tells my daughter how he knows he is a girl and thanks her for letting her be (note the pronoun change on purpose now..) who she is. My daughter is very comfortable working with her. She is 8 or 9 years old.

My daughter has asked me to ask the trans community what they wish their teachers had done for them when they were kids in school. How were things handled back then and how should they have been handled instead?

I told my daughter that she is giving Randy a safe environment to be who she is, something she might not ever get again in the school system. I told her that it only takes one person, to make a difference in a kid's life. Her impact will last a lifetime for Randy.

So speak up and give me some things I can take back to my daughter...

[Liam]

I have not forgiven Mrs. Manion, for not allowing me to use the boys bathroom, in kindergarten.

[Dylan]

Mrs. Clifford

Second grade

I always got to do the boy stuff. I didn't even have to 'ask' her, she just put me with the boys.

She was the best teacher ever, and not because I learned so much, but because there was never any weirdness with the boy thing...it just was, and she got it, and she wouldn't let anyone give me any crap for it.


There Was Also An Incident Involving My Mother, A Dress, And A Major Ass Beating, And Mrs. Clifford Handled It Very Well,
Dylan

[Soon]

Softness,

Don't you think the school (teacher/admin) needs to talk to the parent(s) about this situation?

I think it is admirable that your daughter is acknowledging the child's gender; however, the parents need to be aware of this situation and (hopefully) be on board (as well as administration) with a reasonable, aware and compassionate approach to recognizing and affirming this child's gender.

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow

Softness,

Don't you think the school (teacher/admin) needs to talk to the parent(s) about this situation?

I think it is admirable that your daughter is acknowledging the child's gender; however, the parents need to be aware of this situation and (hopefully) be on board (as well as administration) with a reasonable, aware and compassionate approach to recognizing and affirming this child's gender.

I disagree that the parents need to be aware

I disagree that a big hoopla has to be made


I Took Enough Ass Beatings For Telling My Mother I Was A Boy...A Phone Call Home And A Stink From School Would Have Only Made It Worse,
Dylan

P.S. I'm sure the child has already informed the parents. If the parents were cool, they'd have already started the hoopla

P.P.S. We can agree to disagree though

[Soon]

Originally Posted by Dylan

I disagree that the parents need to be aware

I disagree that a big hoopla has to be made


I Took Enough Ass Beatings For Telling My Mother I Was A Boy...A Phone Call Home And A Stink From School Would Have Only Made It Worse,
Dylan

P.S. I'm sure the child has already informed the parents. If the parents were cool, they'd have already started the hoopla

P.P.S. We can agree to disagree though

I'm not saying a hoopla needs to be made, but I think most parents would want to be informed (especially at this young age) that a plan of action (Softness' daughter has already taken steps) has been undertaken by a school to accommodate a child's preferred/actual gender.

A teacher can also put themselves at risk (this is Softness' daughter's first job from what I understand as a teacher) for making such decisions without informing the parents.

If a teacher or a school administration has agreed to accommodate and acknowledge the child's gender, without informing the parents (and this continues beyond Junior/Senior Kindergarten--even though, I do think this could even be asking for trouble legal-wise), this could create huge issues for the teacher if the parents are not informed and do not agree upon the school's action.

It just is.

ETA:
I just re-read the OP and the child is actually in second/third grade? At this grade level, where I live, there is no way that parents would not take action against our School Board if a teacher had been recognizing and taking solid steps to acknowledge a child's true gender without the parent(s)' explicit consent to do so.

That teacher and school board are really putting themselves at risk by embarking on a course of gender identity action without parental knowledge and it could be a huge liability for both teacher and employer. I am just being realistic--despite the good intentions of the teacher/principal (and whomever else is on board with acknowledging the child's gender).

[Soft*Silver]

I believe my daughter did talk to the principal about this. I will ask her..and ask if she has talked to the parents too.

to the trans folks:

What experiences did you have, as a trans kid, when your parents were called/talked to, about your gender issues at school?

Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow

Softness,

Don't you think the school (teacher/admin) needs to talk to the parent(s) about this situation?

I think it is admirable that your daughter is acknowledging the child's gender; however, the parents need to be aware of this situation and (hopefully) be on board (as well as administration) with a reasonable, aware and compassionate approach to recognizing and affirming this child's gender.

[Soft*Silver]

I will pose this to my daughter, Liam. I already told her to change the way she makes them line up..boys in one line, girls in another. It emphasises gender roles this way. She said ten kids in one line made the line too long in the hallway. I suggested she question why the lines have to be gender based? Why not create two lines and just let them decide who goes in what line on their own? She loved the idea and is going to implement this.

We talked about how to socialize kids differently about gender. I have taught her well about the unconscious integration of society's beliefs and values and how everything we do and say (and dont do and dont say) creates social more maps in our unconscious that leads kids to develop their concept of not only themselves, but of others. She is acutely aware of how significant the littlest thing can be, when it comes to a child. Bathroom privelages being one such "little" thing. .

The kids have all told her she is the greatest teacher..she has made rubber eggs, dishwasher liquid tornadoes, and mini lava lamps with them. I go in next week and am doing horticulture stuff with them and the following week, I bring in my dog, who will teach them about dragons...(its a story she and I wrote..gonna test drive it on the kids)

Originally Posted by Liam

I have not forgiven Mrs. Manion, for not allowing me to use the boys bathroom, in kindergarten.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by softness

I started this thread because I didnt see another thread like it. My daughter just graduated and is now a licensed teacher. She secured a summer position teaching a class of 2nd and 3rd graders. She has 10 children. From day one she had a little "boy" who would always go where the girls were suppose to go. If the girls were to go to the tables to eat while the boys were to clean up the last activity, the child would go to the tables to eat. She never corrected him. When she had them line up to use the restrooms he went into the girls line. She asked him if he thought maybe he should be in the boys line and he said, no, because he was a girl. One of the boys piped upm and told "him" to get into the boys line. My daughter told the boy that this child could pick whatever line he wanted to stand in but when it came time to use the bathroom, (and she cleared it with the child before she said this) "he" would use the boys' room.

The child, (lets call him Randy) has a name that can be used for boy or girl. Randy tells my daughter how he knows he is a girl and thanks her for letting her be (note the pronoun change on purpose now..) who she is. My daughter is very comfortable working with her. She is 8 or 9 years old.

My daughter has asked me to ask the trans community what they wish their teachers had done for them when they were kids in school. How were things handled back then and how should they have been handled instead?

I told my daughter that she is giving Randy a safe environment to be who she is, something she might not ever get again in the school system. I told her that it only takes one person, to make a difference in a kid's life. Her impact will last a lifetime for Randy.

So speak up and give me some things I can take back to my daughter...

I didn't/wouldn't say a thing. Mama would have beat the hell out of me. I'm sure of it. She loved me but she had a terrible and fast temper. She would never have considered as to why or how I felt the way I felt. And I felt this as far back as 4. I lived life appeasing everyone.....but me. I'm starting injections now at age 53. As sure as hell, I'll get disowned. That little girl in your daughter's class is very fortunate to live in this day and age and have people around like your daughter. Children just don't lie and I have always believed we know who really are early on.

[Soft*Silver]

Jet...I am so glad you are starting injections! Courage rules!

Originally Posted by Jet

I didn't/wouldn't say a thing. Mama would have beat the hell out of me. I'm sure of it. She loved me but she had a terrible and fast temper. She would never have considered as to why or how I felt the way I felt. And I felt this as far back as 4. I lived life appeasing everyone.....but me. I'm starting injections now at age 53. As sure as hell, I'll get disowned. That little girl in your daughter's class is very fortunate to live in this day and age and have people around like your daughter. Children just don't lie and I have always believed we know who really are early on.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by softness

Jet...I am so glad you are starting injections! Courage rules!

Courage or stupidity. I haven't decided which one I am as yet.

[Soft*Silver]

I vote its courage...stupidity doesnt come to my mind when you are the subject....

Originally Posted by Jet

Courage or stupidity. I haven't decided which one I am as yet.

[T D]

Ya know, in the 50's it woulda been a big ole hoopla. The closest I ever came to even hinting at possibly being different was when I announced, at around the age of 6 or 7, that I was NOT having kids, ever! Which I did not. I did however realize in about 1st grade that something was very different for me. I wasn't like the other kids and I knew it.

It took me 50+ years to do something about it.... times, they are very different now!

Many kudos to your daughter!!

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by Jet

Courage or stupidity. I haven't decided which one I am as yet.

I say COURAGE.


“Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.” Tom Krause