Poly Relationships

[The_Lady_Snow]

I like My poly neat, drama free & where everyone minds to their own business when Master is busy.

[Tommi]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I like My poly neat, drama free & where everyone minds to their own business when Master is busy.

Well said, time well spent.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I like My poly neat, drama free & where everyone minds to their own business when Master is busy.

yes yes!

Also there have been a few times where Master was asked to discuss *stuff* to help sort it out....and as it turns out the subs had it figured out and didn't need to bother Her..

always learning and growing.

[Soft*Silver]

This has been an interesting season in my life where alot of my "nevers" have been turned inside out, like you do for wash, and discovered where the roots came from and if they were just social taboos or some other goose liver pate', I really examined them.

Many of them became possibilities and some became realities. Like strap ons. I use to say I would never strap on. Oh Pshaw. That went out quickly. So did "I will never do a femme". Nonsense. I know what to do with a femme! I am one!

I have also said, I would never do Poly. I am too selfish. I could never share.

I think this is another self-lie based on cultural norms to fit in, based on heterosexual pairing. I like being coupled. I also know if given mature stable people who abided by consensual mutually agreed upon rules of the unit, it could be done.

However I am not planning on testing that out right now. But I do know never say never....

[girl_dee]

I learned to stop saying never very recently!

[aurora]

LOL yes Sassy, when you visited never-never land and found you never-never wanted to leave.

It is good when 2 or more people's energies come togther in a really positive way. And that sometimes can't be planned or petitioned or advertised for...it just happens. That is when the "never-be-poly" gets replaced by "Wow, this is great! Life is wonderful!" Just got to be open to gifts when they present themselves.

[IrishGrrl]

aurora..

I think you being the one to ask for your sister to join your family is beautiful! I understand how it would help with moments of self doubt. Someday I may have a sister, and I would want the foundation of our love for each other to be strong and in place. When I love someone, I want them to share in all that I find joy in, that's just a natural state of feeling for me.

Irish

[aurora]

Thank you IrishGrrl, I do hope that you find a spirit sister who is as wonderful as Sassy is to me.

A drama free poly is a great situation to aim for in any family...and certainly not bothering Master with silly things is a virtue to be acquired by every submissive and slave.

I think one of the important skills that make poly (under the same roof...online can be a bit different) run more smoothly is for the submissives (if a Ds poly situation) learn to work as a team and for the Dominant to trust them not to need micro managing. And one of the best ways to achieve this is to allow the subs to become best/loving friends or siblings.
As an example, one of the most lovely families I have met is run by a Femme Domme with her 2 bois. The bois are very good buddies and work together so well that when Ma'am gets home from work everything is perfect. She does not know or care who did what...all she knows is that her home is great. Everything is done and the bois are as happy as ever to see her. The bois figure out their own schedules, duties, etc. around their other obligations and live to please their Domme....drama free....efficient...everyone is happy.

[aurora]

When I think about it, humans are a pack animal. We have evolved in family units, tribes, clans, villages etc. The concept of 2 people standing alone against the world is actually a very modern and rather odd concept historically. So in that in queer culture we often make "chosen families and clans" the poly concept is quite logical. Not all poly relationships are sexual, but take the form of a love bond with the energy of a sibling, parent, cousin...so for me, a poly grouping feels much like a traditional association of people, but you get to choose the members of your clan.

[Massive]

I have to admit, this is a subject rather close to my heart right now, I've had my eyes re-opened to living life poly, for a long time I decided rather rigidly that I could only ever go down the monogamy road and then I found my baby boy and baby girl, both who live far, far away on the wrong side of the pond to me, but we're all aware of the distances and how that although we can't be physically there for one another just now, we can still be together emotionally and in our hearts. I love them both for who they are and I'm so glad I found them, I'd given up hope of finding anyone I could connect with on any level other than friendship. Now I just need to solve the whole UK - US side of it all.
On another note, talking about finding your tribe, etc, I call them my Family, a group of people I've got to know over the years, both Brothers and Sisters, from all over the US, who are in many ways more real to me than my own bio-family, which is kinda sad in a way, but at the same time I know that my chosen family gets me in a way my bio-family never, ever can. Don't get me wrong, I love my bio-family, but no matter how hard I try to explain to them, they just can't understand my chosen lifestyle, to them kinky would be not using a coaster under their cup of tea ... They are old fashioned British ladies, all pretty much single and have been for years, or have been married and are now divorced, me and my 'little' brother are the only guys in our family, its all women, so it can get a tad hormonal sometimes, not that that's a bad thing, but at least with my chosen online Family, I can talk to them about what I'm going through without getting "What?!?" I just get nods and hugs and unconditional love. I'm sure there's some kind of saying about being able to choose your friends but not your family, well, I've chosen my family and it's fecking awesome!

[girl_dee]

((((((( Massive ))))))))) It's so nice to see you happy my friend.

LOL @ Kinky = no coaster.....

Chosen family rocks!

[Massive]

Thank you sassy. *bigs hugs back*
Oh, I wish that part about coasters was a joke, I love my family, but could they be any more British?? Sadly, no lol
I can't agree more either, chosen Family does indeed rock!

[Sage]

Sweet Daddy,

Your boy definitely holds you close in her heart. I love you so damn much! I'm just so glad you can love me even with my ridiculously complicated relationship situation...and even though I already have two romantic partners and a Mommy and other Daddy. You really are wonderful, Daddy. *kiss*

Love,

Your Boy Sage

Originally Posted by Massive

I have to admit, this is a subject rather close to my heart right now, I've had my eyes re-opened to living life poly, for a long time I decided rather rigidly that I could only ever go down the monogamy road and then I found my baby boy and baby girl, both who live far, far away on the wrong side of the pond to me, but we're all aware of the distances and how that although we can't be physically there for one another just now, we can still be together emotionally and in our hearts. I love them both for who they are and I'm so glad I found them, I'd given up hope of finding anyone I could connect with on any level other than friendship. Now I just need to solve the whole UK - US side of it all.

[Quintease]

This is such an emotive subject

I consider myself poly, unfortunately I live in a mono world. I can't count the amount of times I've been told by other online users, aquaintances and even lovers that poly is all about sleeping around and disregarding other peoples feelings, that it can never work, that the 'natural' way to show love is monogamy (despite both the bible and the animal kingdom suggesting otherwise), that there is no way to get beyond the jealousy and fear that most people experience.. despite the fact that most of us manage to move past negative feelings in other areas of our lives, that poly will impact on children negatively... as opposed to what? divorce, affairs, acrimonious breakups? And on and on... I've even had people who have had affairs tell me that polyamory was wrong! Um, but weren't you engaging in non-consensual polyamory?!!!

Now however I'm crazy in love with someone who considers himself naturally mono, so can't see himself ever able to be happy in an open arrangement. We both have our own illogical fears about this. He worries that by denying me an allowed outlet, I'll instead have affairs, and I worry that by being so resolutely mono, he'll be dishonest when he does find himself fancying someone else. I can't see it coming to that though. When I met my boyfriend I realised his happiness in our relationship meant more to me than anything else. If he's happy, I'm happy and besides, I can still look

[FemmeWriter]

This is a rough subject for me. I've always known myself to be monogomous, with no judgment held toward poly-anything. My sister is poly and it's nothing new or shocking to me. What consenting adults do is their business. Part of me even envied her the freedom.

But now I'm in a marriage where, thanks to fighting and emotional roller-coaster riding, our passion is pretty much nil. This is a problem that doesn't seem to be getting better and so we've opened the relationship, both to allow her an avenue to express her past needs to cheat (in prior relationships) and my need to not retire sexually at 37.

We love each other. We've promised super discretion--a tactic that has worked for friends for over a decade--and yet I'm mourning as if I've lost my relationship. My brain tells me that being poly is fine. But I can't get over that this isn't where I wanted to be at this point in my life.

I suppose I'll change my mind once I meet someone I'd be willing to be intimate with, but like I said, I have to mourn first, and THEN get on with my life.

So I appreciate all the advice here. It's given me a lot to think about.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by FemmeWriter

This is a rough subject for me. I've always known myself to be monogomous, with no judgment held toward poly-anything. My sister is poly and it's nothing new or shocking to me. What consenting adults do is their business. Part of me even envied her the freedom.

But now I'm in a marriage where, thanks to fighting and emotional roller-coaster riding, our passion is pretty much nil. This is a problem that doesn't seem to be getting better and so we've opened the relationship, both to allow her an avenue to express her past needs to cheat (in prior relationships) and my need to not retire sexually at 37.

We love each other. We've promised super discretion--a tactic that has worked for friends for over a decade--and yet I'm mourning as if I've lost my relationship. My brain tells me that being poly is fine. But I can't get over that this isn't where I wanted to be at this point in my life.

I suppose I'll change my mind once I meet someone I'd be willing to be intimate with, but like I said, I have to mourn first, and THEN get on with my life.

So I appreciate all the advice here. It's given me a lot to think about.

If it's not where you want to be, then why do it? Poly does not fix problems, being poly is a LOT of work without using it to fix things.

Best of luck to you.

[kannon]

Originally Posted by FemmeWriter

This is a rough subject for me. I've always known myself to be monogomous, with no judgment held toward poly-anything. My sister is poly and it's nothing new or shocking to me. What consenting adults do is their business. Part of me even envied her the freedom.

But now I'm in a marriage where, thanks to fighting and emotional roller-coaster riding, our passion is pretty much nil. This is a problem that doesn't seem to be getting better and so we've opened the relationship, both to allow her an avenue to express her past needs to cheat (in prior relationships) and my need to not retire sexually at 37.

We love each other. We've promised super discretion--a tactic that has worked for friends for over a decade--and yet I'm mourning as if I've lost my relationship. My brain tells me that being poly is fine. But I can't get over that this isn't where I wanted to be at this point in my life.

I suppose I'll change my mind once I meet someone I'd be willing to be intimate with, but like I said, I have to mourn first, and THEN get on with my life.

So I appreciate all the advice here. It's given me a lot to think about.

Are you capable of having a sexually intimate relationship without developing feelings for the person? Some women struggle with this.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

If it's not where you want to be, then why do it? Poly does not fix problems, being poly is a LOT of work without using it to fix things.

Best of luck to you.

I totally agree. Being poly is not a way to fix a bad relationship.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by FemmeWriter

This is a rough subject for me. I've always known myself to be monogomous, with no judgment held toward poly-anything. My sister is poly and it's nothing new or shocking to me. What consenting adults do is their business. Part of me even envied her the freedom.

But now I'm in a marriage where, thanks to fighting and emotional roller-coaster riding, our passion is pretty much nil. This is a problem that doesn't seem to be getting better and so we've opened the relationship, both to allow her an avenue to express her past needs to cheat (in prior relationships) and my need to not retire sexually at 37.

We love each other. We've promised super discretion--a tactic that has worked for friends for over a decade--and yet I'm mourning as if I've lost my relationship. My brain tells me that being poly is fine. But I can't get over that this isn't where I wanted to be at this point in my life.

I suppose I'll change my mind once I meet someone I'd be willing to be intimate with, but like I said, I have to mourn first, and THEN get on with my life.

So I appreciate all the advice here. It's given me a lot to think about.

Girl. I wasn't going to respond to this but you did say you welcomed advice. Speaking from someone who had an experience in "going poly" because my relationship was in trouble. It didn't work. More than that, it was horrible. It was hell on earth and just lingered for our relationship to end when it should have ended way before that point.

I am an optimist and it is hard to even type that in response to you. But, wow i see some similarities in what you are saying here. Honestly, i'm worried about you. I wouldn't want anyone to feel the pain i went through with a poly relationship for a fix.

I do believe in poly relationships however, but i certainly don't think they are for everyone for any time in any relationship.

Just wanted to reach out to you, and ask you to really think about it. Love is great but it's not everything. If you are in an unhealthy relationship right now, going this route may only cause you way more pain. I repeat. Way more.

My opinion, of course.

Best of luck.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

Girl. I wasn't going to respond to this but you did say you welcomed advice. Speaking from someone who had an experience in "going poly" because my relationship was in trouble. It didn't work. More than that, it was horrible. It was hell on earth and just lingered for our relationship to end when it should have ended way before that point.

I am an optimist and it is hard to even type that in response to you. But, wow i see some similarities in what you are saying here. Honestly, i'm worried about you. I wouldn't want anyone to feel the pain i went through with a poly relationship for a fix.

I do believe in poly relationships however, but i certainly don't think they are for everyone for any time in any relationship.

Just wanted to reach out to you, and ask you to really think about it. Love is great but it's not everything. If you are in an unhealthy relationship right now, going this route may only cause you way more pain. I repeat. Way more.

My opinion, of course.

Best of luck.

I remember reading about this in another thread. Big hugz. It;'s true what everyone says- if you don't really feel a poly connection and if monogamy is where you're at then its totally fine. You don't elect poly to fix a relationship but to add to it. Very big difference.