Breaking up

[~ocean]

(((( starry ))))) my animals hold allmy secrets I;d like to add .. that there is no right way to break up .. to all who r condisering a break up .. just treat eachother w. empathy and dont disgrace the person who will be left hurting. someone is always left hurting.

[SweetJane]

Starry,
I'm so sorry this has happened! Big hugs, sister!
SweetJane

[ruby_woo]

I'm so thankful I have the Planet right now and you guys are letting me bitch to you, lol.

I just made an appointment with my bank for tomorrow to get some money out of my RSP. Hope to use that money for a deposit on an apartment, maybe I can get something for February 1 so we don't drag this out any longer. Suuuuuucks.

[girl_dee]

Glad you are taking care of you and your heart.

Hugs.

[Vlasta]

Originally Posted by ruby_woo

I'm so thankful I have the Planet right now and you guys are letting me bitch to you, lol.

I just made an appointment with my bank for tomorrow to get some money out of my RSP. Hope to use that money for a deposit on an apartment, maybe I can get something for February 1 so we don't drag this out any longer. Suuuuuucks.

Ruby , I am so sorry what are you going through right now . I feel the same way just a different situation . It's my way to bitch and complain and I am sure people are tired to read my posts , but this is my only way to let it out and to be private to certain point . I can imagine how hard it's for you , been there too .
Stay strong and keep bitching as much you want to . I will gladly read your post and send you a little messages through via rep . I was always concerned what people say about me and tried to keep everything off of board , but no longer . If there are people with a perfect life , I am happy for them .
My life has been everything , but not perfect . Money or what do you own it's not so imported when your personal life it's in pieces .
I am wishing you the best way to get through this difficult time

[ruby_woo]

Originally Posted by Vlasta

Ruby , I am so sorry what are you going through right now . I feel the same way just a different situation . It's my way to bitch and complain and I am sure people are tired to read my posts , but this is my only way to let it out and to be private to certain point . I can imagine how hard it's for you , been there too .
Stay strong and keep bitching as much you want to . I will gladly read your post and send you a little messages through via rep . I was always concerned what people say about me and tried to keep everything off of board , but no longer . If there are people with a perfect life , I am happy for them .
My life has been everything , but not perfect . Money or what do you own it's not so imported when your personal life it's in pieces .
I am wishing you the best way to get through this difficult time

Thanks Vlasta. I've been reading about you're going through and can't believe it.

I feel the same way, I'm sure folks are going to get sick of watching me cry all over the place, but it's not like I can do it at work or something. I'm sure I look needy and crazy. I feel a little needy and crazy, but my head is too far up my own butt right now to care. If they can't remember having their first real love end, then forget them.

In real life, I'm perfectly normal and funny, I swear, haha.

[Vlasta]

Originally Posted by ruby_woo

Thanks Vlasta. I've been reading about you're going through and can't believe it.

I feel the same way, I'm sure folks are going to get sick of watching me cry all over the place, but it's not like I can do it at work or something. I'm sure I look needy and crazy. I feel a little needy and crazy, but my head is too far up my own butt right now to care. If they can't remember having their first real love end, then forget them.

In real life, I'm perfectly normal and funny, I swear, haha.

Hun , I know people are sick of me as well , but this it's a only place we can went . I definitely don't want to put this on FB where I have 1600 + friends in different countries . They wouldn't even understand and to be honest , I am tired to explain things , because they are thinking this it's impossible and I am not being honest .
I believe you , that you are perfectly normal and funny . However , right now my funny side is not working too well . We will get through this one way or other . Keep posting , to me is cathartic just to type up on the website and I don't even expect replies . What is there to say ? and kind people already told me I am sorry what are you going through .
the same thing it's there for you . As I said keep posting the way how you feel , I don't know you as majority people here , but your post was hearth wrenching to me and I replied . I will support you as much I can from far away .
The answer it's the time and you need to heal and get things out of your system which is perfectly understanding .

sending you cyber hugs and if you would like to PM me , please feel to do so .
much love to you

[SoNotHer]

Ruby, I am so sorry you're going through this, but you've set some good things in motion, and that's what matters. Keep taking positive steps and allow yourself to grieve. Many of us have found ourselves sitting in a parked car unable to turn the key to start the car or otherwise immobilized by the loss of something and someone we loved.

Things will continue to get better. I promise. SNH

Originally Posted by ruby_woo

I'm so thankful I have the Planet right now and you guys are letting me bitch to you, lol.

I just made an appointment with my bank for tomorrow to get some money out of my RSP. Hope to use that money for a deposit on an apartment, maybe I can get something for February 1 so we don't drag this out any longer. Suuuuuucks.

[Dominique]

Originally Posted by SoNotHer

SNIPPED Many of us have found ourselves sitting in a parked car unable to turn the key to start the car or otherwise immobilized by the loss of something and someone we loved.

Things will continue to get better. I promise. SNH

I'm not making light of your situation. Reading what SNH wrote, brought a shitty grin to my face, as she is right. I recall a time in my life when I thought there was NO WAY I could go on...and I did sit totally numbed
out, I bet I was gasping for air too. We are stronger than we know.
I look back at that now, thankful that I learned alot but even more thankful that I got the hell away from that person. Our lives are in two completely different hemispheres. (not making a geographical reference)
Feel every thing you need to feel so you never have to come backwards.
Have some of the PLANETS' great koolaid too!

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by T D

I believe that leaving a relationship can be a long drawn out, difficult, and sad process. It is often times very painful and can bring about a great deal of grief for the person leaving as well. Yes it can also be a relief, but that doesn't necessarily make it any easier. No matter which side of the coin you're on it's a loss, and loss is never easy. Just my opinion.

oh yeah. It took me a few years. I cried a lot. I still get a tinge of pain when I think about the life we should of had and the time we invested. Grieving sums it up perfectly

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Does anyone agree here that when you break up with someone you go through a form of grieving ?

Yes, sometimes there is grieving—and it can follow the Kubler-Ross model: Denial, Bargaining, Acceptance, I forget what the five stages are but you probably know them and my gf is yelling from across the room (I asked what they are), that they have been repudiated. Oh well, LOL

Sometimes I think there is also a feeling of liberation. And the healthy impulse to celebrate.

And sometimes it's both, a kind of rollercoaster: I'm free! I'm alone! I'm free! I miss her. I'm free! etc.

[Morgan]

I am finally able to share my grief, it took me along time to come to grips with my feelings. I lost my job and my relationship at the same time, so it was a double whammy....I traveled all over the US, hopping from one place to the next, trying to stuff my grief. I burned a lot of bridges along the way and I am so sorry for that, it was not fair...I do not blame anyone for being angry and hurt by my lack of empathy. I also made some good friends along the way and I will always cherish their love and support on my journey. Love and breaking up, makes us do some crazy shit...as time goes on I can finally see my grief and yes it is process. I am not sure about the process as I am not a grief counselor, but I have had a chance to process my feeling and come to terms with the fact my relationship is over. I am starting a new life and have found someone special I can share with and hopefully a new life....a new journey and a new beginning.

[~ocean]

I cant help but wonder if we learn from our mistakes.... or r we prone to just repeat them.. Head the warnings signs in yourself .. noone can complete you.. noone can make ur life . we r all soo responsiable for ourselves, u can't share what is broken.
Love and hugs (((((( everyone))))) to anyone whos tears have not , yet dried up ..

[SleepyButch]

I think that sometimes you do not see the warning signs until it is already over. Blinded.. maybe. Don't want to see them.. maybe... Stupid.. perhaps... should have been over long time ago.. who knows..

We are all human and of course we grieve any relationship, just some to different extremes. Like when I had to put my dog to sleep, three years ago now.. I still grieve over that at times. Past gfs.. not as long as that lol.

I think this community definitely comes together when someone is in need and the support is definitely helpful when getting through those grieving stages.

[~ocean]

my opinion is there is no right way to break up .. always hurt .. just be fair to one another .. and heal b4 u take on another relationship ..

[DMW]

OUCH

ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch

[Oiler41]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

my opinion is there is no right way to break up .. always hurt .. just be fair to one another .. and heal b4 u take on another relationship ..

I agree with this; there is no right or really even a good way to break up; but long after the grief has subsided, you will be left with one question: Did I do what was RIGHT during the breakup? Be fair and do what is right, and it doesn't take a lot of soul searching to know what is right, even in the midst of grief and perhaps anger. Eventually, once the hurt/anger is past (sometimes longer periods of time than others) a friendship might be able to be had. But if you are unfair and just downright wrong in your breakup dealings, you can probably count on the other party never wanting to have anything to do with you again.

Glynn

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Oiler41

I agree with this; there is no right or really even a good way to break up; but long after the grief has subsided, you will be left with one question: Did I do what was RIGHT during the breakup? Be fair and do what is right, and it doesn't take a lot of soul searching to know what is right, even in the midst of grief and perhaps anger. Eventually, once the hurt/anger is past (sometimes longer periods of time than others) a friendship might be able to be had. But if you are unfair and just downright wrong in your breakup dealings, you can probably count on the other party never wanting to have anything to do with you again.

Glynn

Great and important post.

We do need to do what is right, we can't expect straight people to honor our relationships if we end ours by chopping up sofas and catching them on fire.

Seriously. Be decent. Do the things you agreed you would. Fulfill your obligations, work to avoid related fall out drama.

[Tuff Stuff]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Does anyone agree here that when you break up with someone you go through a form of grieving ?

I agree.There's a lot of tears, I hate that. I can't handle emotional stuff like that. I told my wife give me 5 years (by myself) this means a break up. In 5 years I'll return (if I'm still alive that is) and we can take where we left off. She's free to do whatever she pleases. She has plenty of family to keep her company. I just need to follow this calling.

To our freedom...

[Chad]

I have been thinking about this for a while now. I am very independent and confident and I am walking a deliberate path in my life. My thought has always been if a nice femme wants to join me on my path then I would welcome her company but if she wants to take her own path then I am good with that too. My path does not change with or without a femme.

I am blindsided when a femme breaks up with me and throws me under the bus. The yuckiness occurs when they choose to yell at me and call me names.

I can count on one hand the number of times that I said something ugly to an ex. I try not to go there not for them but for me.

My point, if someone is not happy in a relationship just say that and move on.

I met with a femme recently that went through a nasty breakup. I was so impressed with her respect and honesty about their breakup. She showed real respect for that relationship.