I don't think she's out there

[sara-bera]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.

I really think it does tend to happen when you stop looking and just start living. I haven't been searching for someone for the last two years now and I've had more dates than all the years I've been single before this! I don't go to places made for 'singles' either really (aside from popping into this thread because your post moved me) - you'll meet people in the oddest places.

Granted, I've not met a person that's perfect for me yet (I've gotten closer, however). But I have faith they're out there somewhere... and they looking for someone exactly like me. I think there is more than one 'soulmate' out there for everyone, too.

Love yourself, make yourself happy, and believe you will meet your significant other one day... but definitely live for yourself right now - go out, have fun. Take yourself out on dates. Learn a new hobby or take up yoga... whatever might make you happy. Happiness is incredibly attractive, in general (not just for getting dates). You'll make lots of friends along the way, if you're open to it.

I'm really very sorry about all of the false starts, but they're lessons and it's not always going to be that way. There are people out there who want exactly who and what you are. Eventually, you'll be drawn to one another. I wish you all the best.

[Virago]

Photos!
The rest of us will want photos of this get-together!!

Letter put a desire out to the universe and got this response. We don't always get what we want, but we usually get what we need.
Have a great time!

Originally Posted by fever

Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


the social secretary,
Candice

[tazz]

oh yeah... false starts... i know about that one really well...

thank you RitaSink for your insight. very much appreciated.

***lettertodaddy... like i've said before in this thread to you... i'm right there with you and know exactly what you are going through.
i'm focusing on my career, my physique, my soul, ME. it may come across as selfish... so be it!

be good to YOU and your kitty...

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by tapu

Hmm... I took your screen name as a sign also that you have "the perfect person" in mind. Like, writing a letter to someone in your head who you've already defined. Are you sure that who you are looking for might not be more flexibly envisioned?

My screen name comes from the movie "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane".

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by ruby_woo

Same situation. I'm very specifically a West End girl, but can cross a bridge to other neighborhoods if needed.

Yaletown seems equidistant between us. I wonder if there are any nice tea shops in the area?

Oh, look! http://dinehere.ca/vancouver/o-cha-tea-bar

[ruby_woo]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Yaletown seems equidistant between us. I wonder if there are any nice tea shops in the area?

Oh, look! http://dinehere.ca/vancouver/o-cha-tea-bar

Ooh, I didn't know this place existed. Where's Fever? We need to get this party started.

[rustedrims]

Think we all have gone through a "dry spell" with the dating thing..Bad dates and good dates that we think this is the one but in the end usually falls short of being perfect..

I have also given up on finding the lady of my dreams and now i have 4 cats..
I think you might be skipping a step..Gotta be friends before relationship..Try the friend thing first..In here is a good place to start.There are alot of people here to chat with..

My story is similar to *Anya's*..
I got out of my last relationship and a few bad dates and a "Hacker" trying to get into my stuff scared me single for longer than i will admit to..Poored myself into tearing every room apart in my house..Started working 12 hour days saturday and sometimes sundays..Found myself drinking again because i didnt want to go home to an empty house..I was even taking a "Happy Pill" for a long time to..One day i figured out what was wrong with me..I wasnt happy because i wasnt making myself happy..Started to walk a little taller and look people in the eye and sometimes a little smile or a quick hi..Then to my surprise people were saying hi to me first..Thought hummm this is feels nice..Even cought a lady starring at my back pockets at the gas station and when we made eye contact she started a short conversation..I closed myself off from the dating world completely..I was told about this site and got in here and i like it and am getting to know people..Get some people around you first then the rest will fall into place..Gotta get yourself out there and wait it out it will happen..

s..

[fever]

Here I am. I can come to the West End. We can start organizing this in the Canada forum??? p.m. me and I will give you my phone number, etc.

Do we want to do a tea, or go to a tea as a group? Scuba, if you are really coming up here, what kind of notice do you need? I have extra room if you want to stay overnight. Vancouver is about 45 min away from my place.

Boots, you are welcome too. Get scuba to scoop you up on the way north. lol

Party time!

Candice

[Scuba]

Sounds good by me

[Scuba]

The boys and I will organize while the girls have their day out..

[istolurboxers38]

You shouldn't get so down on yourself. My ex who is a dad dumped me on my ass. let me know I would never find anyone that would want me and if it weren't for them i wouldn't be where i was now. They finally moved away and I am now in a town that I really don't know. I am trying to accept that I will be alone and singe from now on. I though was looking at the good side of things. Noone to tel you u are doing wrong, no criticizing, no fights, and no more put downs. Yes it is lonely but I think that maybe when we heal and when God sees fit that we are ready that he might just bring someone along in our lives that fit.

[nicetgurl_30]

Don't feel that way, it will get better

[Bootsandheels]

Originally Posted by fever

Here I am. I can come to the West End. We can start organizing this in the Canada forum??? p.m. me and I will give you my phone number, etc.

Do we want to do a tea, or go to a tea as a group? Scuba, if you are really coming up here, what kind of notice do you need? I have extra room if you want to stay overnight. Vancouver is about 45 min away from my place.

Boots, you are welcome too. Get scuba to scoop you up on the way north. lol

Party time!

Candice

Thank you Fever! Ohhh...I just read this entire thread....I cannot wait to meet you all and hope I get the chance!!! Newly single and taking a break here...I seriously doubt Hy/She is out there too, but I'm not focusing on that. It's my time to shine as a single femme, and I'm choosing not to date right now and just really enjoying life.

Just FYI...I was at the NYE dance/party in Seattle last night dear sister femmes, and there was a plethora of handsome butches all decked out last night...I was shocked! And yes...many were single *GASP*...C'mon down ladies!!! Love and hugs to you LTD...you are simply stunning and obviously have much to offer the right person...please don't give up on love...!

Hope burns eternal,

Boots

[Finn]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

My screen name comes from the movie "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane".

Thats one of my favorite movies !! And I loveee Bette Davis too *S*.. My Mom named me after her,,cept I got a "y" where she has an "e" *G*heh...anyways..Enjoy your cat,,time will tell and you will find the right Butch/Daddy for you *S*
Be well and safe lettertodaddy*S*

Finn

[SweetJane]

Boots, just read about your single status. Condolences....

Yes, having a breathing space between relationships is a wise decision---but, lady, you've always been wise.

I'm trying to mingle and jump into the dating pool. But as I've said in earlier posts, the lesbian pool is a decent size---the pool I'm looking for would fit into a thimble.

Good luck in your hiatus from dating.

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

So I got a cat for companionship, decided I'd leave my profile up on dating sites (but not check my inbox or anything), and thought it would be best to get off the merry-go-round for awhile.

A person gets tired after a while, you know?

My advice, close the accounts on the dating sites. Old profiles do not get much traffic and if someone is messaging you and you are not replying, then you look rude/unavailble. Close them for a month or two then go back if you want but leaving them unattended is not helping.

Good luck!

[mariamma]

Hi Lettertodaddy,
I've recently given up as well. It hurts too much to want something that the Universe keeps telling me I can't have. And that's the biggest part of why I've given up. I've been searching for almost 2 years and no one wants a relationship (I'm poor, have 3 kids and I'm missing teeth seem to be the deal-breakers). At least no women that I want want me. Lots of men do. No butch women want me.
The hard part (for me) is admitting this and accepting it. The easy part is moving on. Our culture tells us that we must be forfilled through partnerships and marriages but honestly, marriages tend to add years to men's lives. Do lesbians and male-ID people often or always benefit from being with another? Can we grow and enjoy life with only emotional contacts and no exchange of bodily fluids? I hope I can. Having animals helps. An emotional connection with another at home brings joy to the home. And that's what I really want (well, daily sex too but a quality emotion connection is a beautiful thing and nothing to sneeze at).
I've been a Goddess-loving pagan since 14 and a lesbian since 16. I have 6 sisters (7 really but I never met my black sister) and sisterhood has always been important to me. Loving women comes natural. I think loving women and having affairs can and will sustain me. And I have not given up on casual sex.
I'm 42 and the Universe throws curve-balls all the time. But another big part of what's changed in my heart is ... I can never trust a person who cannot love me with all my flaws. Can't say as I blame them. Loving another person is hard, takes intent and focus and can leave one wrecked if you choose wrong. Flaws are red flags.
I wish you luck in your life. Enjoy the love of the cat on your lap.

[T-lee]

I totally understand how you feel. There are times I feel just that way. Yet there ae times when I can look back on what has not worked for me and see just whatI have learned along the way. If its something I learned that I dont want are something I believe I want more, but no matter what I have learned and grown from it all. Still believe deep down that there is someone for each of us out there. When ever the time is right it happens for us, just know there is a reason it has not happened yet. Till then enjoy what life is to bring us along the way.

[4everlonelyfemme]

I know for a fact I'll be single for the rest of my life. I've met pretty much every butch here in Estonia, and lots of men as well.

Nobody wants me.

Everyone wants to chat to the pretty girls. I'm either one of the guys or invisible.

And that's with as much effort and money put into my appearance as I possibly can

So... Just taking it one day at a time, coping, trying to find comfort in alcohol and bars over the weekend, and sometimes into the week...At 21 the thought of a lifetime of this....I was born to suffer.

Pure hell.

Whenever I see couples I feel so much pain I want to strangle someone, seriously. And I'm about as cuddly and nonviolent as you can find. But we all have a breaking point.

[NorCalStud]

You are 21. You are a baby. Just say no to all that thinkin. Stop. Okay? It is difficult sometimes to be on this site and see all the sexual energy flyin around. Your time will come. Here or there or somewhere. I wanna see that name change like 4everfemme..leave the lonely out. Dont call in the lonliness. Island Scout, in the other thread, is right. Attitude. Im glad you said you are lonely...you are honest and lettin people know. Now we know. Your whole life is ahead of you. Dance, sister.