How do you know someone is..

[Lynn]

I don't think I have any kind of radar for femmes. If someone is edgy or more self-assured, I do decide that she's probably not straight. I usually don't have a chance to verify, so I don't know how often I'm wrong. That's probably more about my desire to be seen as edgy and self-assured. I do know that I don't have a tendency to associate any particular brand of femininity with femmes. I haven't been influenced by the high-low strata that seems to be part of things for many others. I just don't really know that many self-described femmes. Or butches, for that matter.

I guess I must have an automatic reaction to outer characteristics that I associate with butch, but I've been really wrong in so many embarrassing ways. From labeling (in my head) someone as a butch, and finding out that she's straight, to seeing a cute butch in my peripheral vision, but discovering that "she" is actually an adolescent boy.

I do find, at the few local lesbian events that I attend, that the women I think are butches or femmes typically do not identify as either. The thing is, I'm attracted to women, in general, so gaydar trumps my ability to discern butch or femme.