How do you know someone is..

Lynn · 05-20-2010, 08:12 PM

I don't think I have any kind of radar for femmes. If someone is edgy or more self-assured, I do decide that she's probably not straight. I usually don't have a chance to verify, so I don't know how often I'm wrong. That's probably more about my desire to be seen as edgy and self-assured. I do know that I don't have a tendency to associate any particular brand of femininity with femmes. I haven't been influenced by the high-low strata that seems to be part of things for many others. I just don't really know that many self-described femmes. Or butches, for that matter.

I guess I must have an automatic reaction to outer characteristics that I associate with butch, but I've been really wrong in so many embarrassing ways. From labeling (in my head) someone as a butch, and finding out that she's straight, to seeing a cute butch in my peripheral vision, but discovering that "she" is actually an adolescent boy.

I do find, at the few local lesbian events that I attend, that the women I think are butches or femmes typically do not identify as either. The thing is, I'm attracted to women, in general, so gaydar trumps my ability to discern butch or femme.

View Poll Results: Do you determine ID (Butch or Femme) based on looks?
Yes, all the time for femmes	0	0%
Yes, all the time for butches	9	8.57%
Yes, for both	14	13.33%
Yes but only sometimes	23	21.90%
Yes, but only when I see a person on the street. Not online	18	17.14%
Yes but try not to	31	29.52%
Never!	7	6.67%
Other (please elaborate below)	3	2.86%
Voters: 105. You may not vote on this poll

05-20-2010, 08:12 PM	#17
Lynn Member How Do You Identify?: Unabashed Feminine Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: Her, She Relationship Status: Married! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 689 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,499 Thanked 2,413 Times in 505 Posts Rep Power: 9668976	I don't think I have any kind of radar for femmes. If someone is edgy or more self-assured, I do decide that she's probably not straight. I usually don't have a chance to verify, so I don't know how often I'm wrong. That's probably more about my desire to be seen as edgy and self-assured. I do know that I don't have a tendency to associate any particular brand of femininity with femmes. I haven't been influenced by the high-low strata that seems to be part of things for many others. I just don't really know that many self-described femmes. Or butches, for that matter. I guess I must have an automatic reaction to outer characteristics that I associate with butch, but I've been *really wrong* in so many embarrassing ways. From labeling (in my head) someone as a butch, and finding out that she's straight, to seeing a cute butch in my peripheral vision, but discovering that "she" is actually an adolescent boy. I do find, at the few local lesbian events that I attend, that the women I think are butches or femmes typically do not identify as either. The thing is, I'm attracted to women, in general, so gaydar trumps my ability to discern butch or femme. __________________ In the flush of love's light we dare be brave And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free. Maya Angelou Wedding Photos: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?...1&l=22b092b98c