Age... an issue?

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Daywalker

Age was not an issue in my last relationship...until she made it one.

Almost 13 years older than I, she began to convince herself that she was too
old to hang out with our friends anymore, etc, etc. I rode out the Menopause
issues (hers) for a year n a half. She never crawled out of the icky parts of it.

She took anti-depressants, and a few other medications for various things.
After dealing with lack of intimacy for almost a year and a half ~ we became
estranged and I could no longer handle the 'reasoning' behind her not taking
action to improve the lack of intimacy. There was a pill she could take to
improve what the other pills were killing, her sex drive.

She said 'I already take so many other pills...'.

That one hurt me inside. I slept on the couch for over a year.

All in all, it began with her making our age difference...an issue.

I wish her well n stuff, but she made it an
issue and allowed it to dwindle us from there.

This brings up something I have been thinking about- I wonder if the "older" person has more "issues" around age difference?

This could just be part of all that goes with aging. For example, I have heard from older friends that started dating someone quite a bit younger 9talking 15-20 + years right now) that they don't trust in the relationship because "she will eventually find someone younger and leave anyway." Or, they feel (LOL, as we do realize our bodies are changing) that there will be serious differences in physical activity levels as time goes on, including sexual desire, etc. Then, there are the life stage issues I brought up- getting to a different place in terms of work/careers and how we want to spend time as we age. And, as you bring up, Daywalker- menopause! It ain't fun 9for either partner) most of the time.

I think that are also "social norms" that can be involved, too. How many times have you heard a person make a negative remark about a couple with many years between them- like "look at that old fart with that young thing." On the other side, the younger person can be put down because she is a "gold digger." Then there are the women that have been dumped by men in het marriages after many years when the husband takes off with the young secretary. just people making remarks about how they don' get why the younger person could possibly touch the older one- people are pretty cruel and judgemental.

How these kinds of things cut across our B-F dynamic could differ, but there is a "age" thing in our culture that isn't very accepting of relationships with huge age differences.

With all of the points we are bringing up, it seems to me that yes, it is really a personal choice and we all have things we would accept or not. But, I bet in general, the older person has many more issues with the age difference- and insecurities about how it will work out. I could be very wrong- so I'd like to hear from others about this.