Musicians,Composers,etc...

WILDCAT · 01-30-2010, 09:09 AM

Good thread start. I could really use some support and encouragement! I had mentioned this as part of my [many] topics on a music thread.

I have had a music block for about three/four years now. I used to love playing my guitar and writing music and lyrics - and creating medodies. This all was a very special way of me expressing myself... even if just for myself.

I try to explain to folks, it's like painting. If you created that way, and then it all just shut DOWN - you would feel that loss!

I always have drumming, but this is a very different part of me - even though that is creative too, yes. But, that is more like a familiar therapeutic jog down memory lane for me. And I'm not doing that as much as I would like to either.

I feel lost emotionally and losing this creative side to me has been like a partial death to my spirit. I can readily see and feel this.

Actually, a sweet woman artist once told me online to sage... and that did help. I think I am due for that today! I just don't understand how to get past this block. Or WHY I haven't been able to! It's a very strange place for me to be. When my mother stopped playing the piano years back, I always said to her, "HOW could you stop playing"?! I loved it so much. I was so baffled with her. And now I'm going through it myself. She is not missing it though, the same as I - as she found replacements. I don't want to replace this part of me. Sure, I can keep adding new parts to my way of "being", but I don't want this to stay away from me. It hurts too much. And it's a way that I've always felt very centered and grounded.

I could still sit at the drums and bang it out, but again... it is not the same thing, creativity-wise. Chord progressions and melody lines, and the rhythms one can create on the guitar. (I enjoy acoustic.) And lyrics are about growth for me, sharing and working through personal things and celebrating. I just canNOT pick up a guitar. I walk past them every day here in my cabin, a hundred times.

It did start back a few years when I was going through a very emotionally distraught time relationship-wise, which means absolutely nothing to me now. But, also then when I lost my older kid cats, M.L. at 23 and Mertie at 24. It's like that part of me died along with the grief of loss at that time.

Any suggestions, I am open... Plus, I haven't sang as much, so I know I am "rusty". I don't like to sound "off" - at all. (Perfectionist Virgo crap.) That has something to do with it all too. But, I know I must play to get back to a certain level to be able to enjoy it again. I do sing along with music, and still very much enjoy listening to songs, but my own stuff... whole 'nother story.

Thanks,
Wildcat

01-30-2010, 09:09 AM	#10
WILDCAT Member How Do You Identify?: Very PROUD BUTCH LESBIAN! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: PA Posts: 679 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 796 Thanked 551 Times in 238 Posts Rep Power: 761791	Good thread start. I could really use some support and encouragement! I had mentioned this as part of my [many] topics on a music thread. I have had a music block for about three/four years now. I used to love playing my guitar and writing music and lyrics - and creating medodies. This all was a very special way of me expressing myself... even if just for myself. I try to explain to folks, it's like painting. If you created that way, and then it all just shut DOWN - you would feel that loss! I always have drumming, but this is a very different part of me - even though that is creative too, yes. But, that is more like a familiar therapeutic jog down memory lane for me. And I'm not doing that as much as I would like to either. I feel lost emotionally and losing this creative side to me has been like a partial death to my spirit. I can readily see and feel this. Actually, a sweet woman artist once told me online to sage... and that did help. I think I am due for that today! I just don't understand how to get past this block. Or WHY I haven't been able to! It's a very strange place for me to be. When my mother stopped playing the piano years back, I always said to her, "HOW could you stop playing"?! I loved it so much. I was so baffled with her. And now I'm going through it myself. She is not missing it though, the same as I - as she found replacements. I don't want to replace this part of me. Sure, I can keep adding new parts to my way of "being", but I don't want this to stay away from me. It hurts too much. And it's a way that I've always felt very centered and grounded. I could still sit at the drums and bang it out, but again... it is not the same thing, creativity-wise. Chord progressions and melody lines, and the rhythms one can create on the guitar. (I enjoy acoustic.) And lyrics are about growth for me, sharing and working through personal things and celebrating. I just canNOT pick up a guitar. I walk past them every day here in my cabin, a hundred times. It did start back a few years when I was going through a very emotionally distraught time relationship-wise, which means absolutely nothing to me now. But, also then when I lost my older kid cats, M.L. at 23 and Mertie at 24. It's like that part of me died along with the grief of loss at that time. Any suggestions, I am open... Plus, I haven't sang as much, so I know I am "rusty". I don't like to sound "off" - at all. (Perfectionist Virgo crap.) That has something to do with it all too. But, I know I must play to get back to a certain level to be able to enjoy it again. I do sing along with music, and still very much enjoy listening to songs, but my own stuff... whole 'nother story. Thanks, Wildcat