Your First Girl/ Woman Crush

[Soft*Silver]

I had a clear crush on Samantha from Bewitched. I so wanted to get her away from that oppressive Darren! I wanted her to use her magic and be herself! I clearly felt tingles everytime I watched the show. I asked for her Barbie doll type doll for Christmas and when I got it, I did things to it no one had ever told me about and I had no name for...

I had a "relationship" with my drivers ed teacher. She was in her 20s and clearly butch. CLEARLY. Damn I loved her. However, looking back I see she was a predator and I was just a kid. She had a "relationship" with one of my good friends too at the same time...and pit us against each other. Very strange time in my life.

I knew tho, I was attracted to women as well as men, after that. However, this was at a time when lesbian was a word people didnt even know, let alone say on occassion in the general household. Not like today! I walked around not knowing myself for years and just when i would figure something out about myself, more would get confusing and need unraveling.

I use to feel like i was a creature caught in a trap and needed to chew my leg off to get away from the expectations placed on me culturally. I drank and ended up with a problem. Now I am sober, have figured out that life is a process of unearthing and mining about one's Self. I am 54 and find joy in discovering things about me!