Baby Butch Journey

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by Kobi

This makes sense to me. Anyone still connected to an ex either by living arrangement, finances, emotions etc is not someone free to explore a relationship with another.

In my experience it takes time to heal and get back on ones feet. To try and circumvent this by jumping into another relationship does a disservice to all parties.

My general rule is a year of alone time before even considering getting involved. The head is clearer, the emotions are free, and involvement is a choice not a reactionary move to loss, lonliness etc.

Having been in this exact situation myself, I would have to agree with Kobi. I lived with my ex for almost a year after splitting up and it was one of the worst situations I have ever been in. It made sense at the time since neither of us could afford to break the lease and move, but in the end that exact situation happened so it was inevitable! I did tell the person I started dating about our situation but it still turned out to be messy and painful for everyone involved and I wouldn't recommend making the choices I did to anyone.

Even though I was VERY new to the gay dating world, and I made some pretty poor choices, I would now recommend the following:

1. slow down.

2. and then slow down even more.

3. do not, i repeat...DO NOT!!...move in with anyone until you are both single, have gotten to know each other in different situations over time, and are each living on your own, unattached to anyone else...both emotionally and physically.

...and most of all, don't pressure or feel pressured into anything. It's more than OK for anyone to ask for some personal time and space to figure out what is in your/their best interest. i know how it feels to be swept off your feet and want everything to happen FAST. it feels exciting and hopeful and wonderful...but if it is meant to be there shouldn't be any reason at all to rush things. be patient and know everything will work out the way it was meant to.