It Hurts Me.

[Viola]

Sensing tone from your message firedance, so responding in tone

Dance... Will my soul spirit dance also?

I'm sorry to hear you firedance go through this...

I have different challenges then you, where I don't know how to connect in a social way, I'm autistic an autistic femme,

So as me who's drawn toward butches, I don't go to social anything...

So I'm not known in social.

I fear social, I couldn't go where you went -

those butches were, who demanded from you - this wasn't a dance - this was greed so empty shallow, asking a body of empty pleasures.

I wish I had the abilities to verbally socialize.

But as hard as I tried to over come, I'm realizing I'll have this challenge for the rest of my life, so I'm learning a pain of sadness of acceptance a loss that I'll never be socially and so I morn a loss that I thought maybe I could over come,

but in my morn of loss and my deep challenges I still go through, I can't be only body.

And I think the reason why is cause my body is unkind toward me, the challenges has made me turn to my soul spirit for my purpose in a deeper understanding a dance where share a simple word share, sounds simple, but share is a relationship and not an exchange.

I sense those butches thought in exchange and expected you to approach the exchange, I sense this tone from your message.

I read your message as these butches wants you to approach and actually if I were in your shoes and these butches said this to me, how would I feel?

First I probably feel empty, cause it sounds more like these butches wants to be entertain and wants you to just entertain them and expects you to, .

I'm very shy and hidden where I won't show off body parts cause I feel shallow... So if butches wants me to show, I will question their motives. Who do they really want? I'm not only body.

Maybe thats it, this that is in the air when they demand you, they're shallow and wants you to be shallow.

and this is why you feel this, I'm guessing, what bugs you.

I'm analyzing this ok...

I'm not just a body, I have a soul and spirit, plus what if I have a body that is what a butch wants, what would happen if months later, I get in a car accident and I end up burnt and injured and or what if I get cancer or what if, I can't walk, then what...

Can we still dance?

If its not shallow I say yes...

will these butches who demand from you be there, or is it shallow...

and visa versa, femmes can be shallow and only be there when body is...

but that is only a body, plus if only body and of course there's not such thing as only body cause if there was only body it will be a dead body,

so what then is going on if only body, what's going on to the spirit and soul then if only body, is it only what?

An exchange but what's being exchange of what, if only body but what's moving the body, and only exchange of, with in shallow, if dance in this, is spirit soul then being sold, but sold to what?

I went through so much the challenges my body has given me, I can't be only my body, I can't...

if butches acted like this to me: I will question who am I really, I would say to these butches, who are you - the body is a house, are you a house only how shallow.

even if you speak of dance, what is dance, isn't dance energy...

what is femme and butch actually?

I read at here BFP about friendship before lover...

I'm really thinking of this more and more and more...

Who am I?

I'm soul spirit so in dance will my soul and spirit also dance too?

To whom approach at what time isn't the question or even the dance, for there's no rules when in relationship, for what rules can there be when dance is of soul and spirit?

If rules were only, its an exchange performance that's sold to an ability that's fragile and will die

Laws dance high in pride condemns empty and dies.