Misogyny and Sexism in the News

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by Kobi

I agree with you. We seem to share a common paradigm. Your words are my words. Your thoughts are my thoughts. Except when they arent. Sometimes, I see things differently when my values, morals, paradigm and life conflict in ways I dont expect. I have to adjust, adapt, make choices, change perspectives etc.

There is a distinct difference, it seems, between theory and real life. Lots of things work in theory. They dont always work in real life or maybe they dont work in quite the way we expect or maybe they work in various ways for ways people at various times. Is confusing stuff.

The "choice" I was referring to involves individual perspective which may be unknown or just plain foreign to me. Take any act as an example. I might see it as sexist and misogynistic. Someone else might see the partiarchy lurking in it but feel the act was an adaptation to conditions. Someone else might not even acknowledge the patriarchy paradigm, thus they see an act as what is expected or their role in life period and they are very comfortable with that. Someone else might see the patriarchy but their behavior is more geared to exploiting the exploitation for their own benefit. Someone else might see something totally different. Thats diversity.

Wish it was simplier but it isnt. The mere fact something is observed will change its properties. That is scientific fact. Funny thing this life can be.

You also said - "Where they might have more options to make choices that aren't framed around the ingrained need to focus those choices on the desires of cissexed hetero men."

We are of the same thinking and paradigm yet I dont limit my perspective to "the desires of cissexed hetero men". To me, it is much broader. It is the appearance or even just the suggestion of masculinity. Social programming runs deep, and there are perks and privileges all along the spectum of real and perceived masculinity.

Being a woman, this never occured to me until I began playing around with how best to word my id so I didnt have to keep explaining it. When I used butch or lesbutchian, I was treated differently. People related to me differently. They flirted with me differently. They "honored" my butchness in ways that were unfamiliar and uncomfortable to me because I am not male id. If I addressed something female i.e. pms, what I said could be miscontrued as a sexist comment rather than a shared female experience - because I wasnt seen as a female. It was a very weird yet enlightening kind of experience.

Of course, now, I just use lesbian and woman. Again, I am treated differently albeit in more familiar and comfortable ways. I am also mistaken for a femme more and this is ok cuz at least I am being seen as a female. And, I dont get as many perks and privileges as I used to. On the other hand, I dont get the feeling people are checking out my crotch anymore either.

Social programming works both ways tho. A femme can say something to me and I dont think twice about it. A male id person can say the exact same thing using the exact words and I want to smack him/hym upside the head. Tricky stuff this programming.

The older I get, the more I appreciate how life teaches us some interesting lessons. It is a journey of creativity not a destination. We are works in progress not a final product. In a lot of ways, it seems to me like we are making it up as we go. Sometimes we do good. Sometimes we dont. Sometimes we do good by accident not intent. Sometimes good intent turns into a unforseen fiasco.

I used to have a lot of answers. Now I have a lot more questions cuz nothing and no one is ever as simple as I would like it or them to be. The older I get, the clearer this becomes.

As far as the bolded text, I'm not sure I entirely agree. While spectrums of masculinity or "suggestions" of masculinity might mean something in the queer world, I don't think it means much in the cis, hetero world. When women are told to run around the media in short skirts and wet clothes as a marketing tool, it's not with the "masculine spectrum" in mind. It's not with butches in mind, masculine women or masculine lesbians in mind, not with masculine transmen who are attracted to woman identities in mind, not with masculine gay men in mind, not with bisexuals or pansexuals in mind. It's for the benefit of cissexed heterosexual men. They are 100% the target audience. It's to catch their attention on something capitalism wants them to consume. The world outside queer communities is still heavily reliant on the binary, and in that world there is really only one official masculinity (hence why we discuss it so damned much in queer communities ), and that is the masculinity of hetero cismen.

That's not me saying that varying perspectives on and responses to masculinity and masculine identities in the queer/trans or lgbtq communities is not valid. It totally is, and I think everyone needs to be aware of the way others might react to them, the way an environment can be made to feel safe or not, inclusive or not. And not only with regards to masculine identities. I think awareness and sensitivity is, more and more, becoming a huge part of those communities. In the rest of the world...not so much.

As far as choice. Yes, again, everyone has the choice and that can be turned into "nothing is right or wrong." But to me, if you have one specific group of people consistently dominating other groups of people throughout human history and dictating acceptable behaviours, practices and ideas and punishing those who don't fall in line...then at some point it's time to think "well gee, I wonder why that is."

The same thing today, there's a reason why the world is still cis, hetero male dominated and why women are consistently put on display and told that's their only real purpose in life.

I agree with you, though, that obviously everyone reacts differently. I was trying to get at that in my first post in response to Jo, but it didn't quite come out well. That's why I'm not a fan of the blame game. Do I think women need to open their eyes and become more aware that this isn't "just the way things are"? Yes! But do I think that not being able to break through a person's upbringing and what's been hammered into them since birth is a reason to blame them? No. Ultimately, society is the problem, and this incessant media and social broken record that claims that feminism has "succeeded enough" and that women can go "back" to being "empowered" through being objectified at every turn.

Obviously it's complicated, and I don't really aim for "theories," so much as trying to work with others to make what ever small changes can be made. But this whole problem is so soaked in to every portion of society. From criminalization, to education, to the workplace, to media geared towards young people, to health care, to personal relationships. I think all you can do is really narrow down the areas of society that have the biggest chance of affecting the way youth grow up in society. So education, health care, the prison system (which should be largely abolished, imo). And hopefully with a change in respect in younger generations, the media will eventually follow. But I don't think its every going to be those with the most power to bring about change that challenge norms..which means we have a long way to go before the media or entertainment industry ever changes with their "Real House Wives of whatever" and reality tv shows telling 8 year olds that they need to dress like Kim Kardashian and be just like her. Fuck, I was looking at this site on infant and toddler "beauty pageants" and nearly vomited. But that's what this shit amounts to, plus a kid that has to grow up thinking that's their only value in the world.