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Sistermarypeaceandjustice · 02-01-2014, 11:29 AM

I'm a woman in midlife (wow I never wrote that before) tried and failed to be lesbian in the 80s. I think the problem was the lack of butches around me. In those days the message was that butch femme was patriarchal. I thought I couldn't be lesbian because I couldn't make myself be attracted to feminine women.it never occurred to me that I was only attracted to androgynous people and that that is ok. Then I got in a relationship with a man who was on the feminine side. Being bi in those days was also terribly uncool. Traitorous almost. So I felt I couldn't be part of the Gay Lesbian community (bi and trans and queer hadn't been added yet )although I looked on wistfully.
Fast forward 25 years I'm divorced (the guy I was married to had become a bully) and I find I only want to be with butch women ( and MTFs are so freaking attractive).
So I think the prejudice against b-f lesbians and trans people from 1980s feminism certainly didn't help me.
I had to wait until I was a middle age woman to understand who I am.

02-01-2014, 11:29 AM	#10
Sistermarypeaceandjustice Junior Member How Do You Identify?: On the femme side Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: In love Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: I'm bi-coastal Posts: 1 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2 Thanked 5 Times in 1 Post Rep Power: 0	Hi from sister Mary I'm a woman in midlife (wow I never wrote that before) tried and failed to be lesbian in the 80s. I think the problem was the lack of butches around me. In those days the message was that butch femme was patriarchal. I thought I couldn't be lesbian because I couldn't make myself be attracted to feminine women.it never occurred to me that I was only attracted to androgynous people and that that is ok. Then I got in a relationship with a man who was on the feminine side. Being bi in those days was also terribly uncool. Traitorous almost. So I felt I couldn't be part of the Gay Lesbian community (bi and trans and queer hadn't been added yet )although I looked on wistfully. Fast forward 25 years I'm divorced (the guy I was married to had become a bully) and I find I only want to be with butch women ( and MTFs are so freaking attractive). So I think the prejudice against b-f lesbians and trans people from 1980s feminism certainly didn't help me. I had to wait until I was a middle age woman to understand who I am.