Lack of understanding of genderqueer

imperfect_cupcake · 12-29-2014, 02:23 PM

Hey all.
I decided to take a stroll round the net and just what is out there in terms of dyke message boards. A lot of them do include trans* so that was encouraging. But what shocked me was that there seemed to be a female or male understanding of "gender" (which is *sex*, not gender) and so there were many who were posting that they were thinking of transitioning to make because they don't feel "like a girl" (gender) and didn't want girl-girl (again, gender) relationships but they were having difficulty seeing themselves as completely male (sex, not gender).

Well, fuck me, of course not. There are oodles of genders out there and being
Genderqueer, butch, a boy minded a-gender or a transmasculine genders(rather than man or male)... I was deeply shocked that so many people think the only option is girl/woman or man. That's it. And if not one, then you are the other.

I was pleased to see just how welcome trans* were and people talking about trans* but the entire middle ground was missing. It seems like people in the dyke world don't know there is an option. Which deeply shocks me. I am so used to seeing people grasping the concept in the communities I'm in that I am actually disturbed and distressed people sincerely don't know a) the difference between gender and sex - although I see happen even on this board and b) aren't aware there are more than two choices.

Though having said that, a large proportion of my partners have been "tomboy lesbians" who just didn't understand that there was a place of acceptance of their internal sense of self until they met me. Most of my partners did not ID as butch or understand the concept of genderqueer (where your gender is not a societal expectation of your sex, being female bodied) until I hung out with them, talked, had sex with them etc. When they finally fully connected with the words and ability to connect with it and not stuff it. Where they could figure out just where they were - I got asked a lot what gender I thought they might be. I shrug and say "Jacki gender." Or whatever their name is.

I show them different comics written by genderqueer types and blogs etc. For them to read if they connect with it or not, usually they do.

And those folks have all been 35 years old and older.

But the ones on the boards were very much younger. It shocked me. The youth where I have lived, in the various cities, have all been ahead of the older crowd in accepting gender fluidity, genderqueer and transgender/transmasculine. It has made me wish, at times, I was 10 years younger so dating would be soooooo much easier.

But I was shocked when I read these various boards.

I'm guessing there are a lot of places in the states where the binary is still the only thing understood in the dyke communities? And no one even knows there is actually another way to see ones self? Is this true? I have only lived in Seattle and New York and there was oodles of understanding even 15 years ago in those two cities.at least in the communities I knew.

But is this the case where you live? Lack of understanding of genderqueers or gender fluid? Of boy minded a-gender or transmasculine genders? Not just woman or man?

12-29-2014, 02:23 PM	#1
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,711 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Lack of understanding of genderqueer Hey all. I decided to take a stroll round the net and just what is out there in terms of dyke message boards. A lot of them do include trans* so that was encouraging. But what shocked me was that there seemed to be a female or male understanding of "gender" (which is sex, not gender) and so there were many who were posting that they were thinking of transitioning to make because they don't feel "like a girl" (gender) and didn't want girl-girl (again, gender) relationships but they were having difficulty seeing themselves as completely male (sex, not gender). Well, fuck me, of course not. There are oodles of genders out there and being Genderqueer, butch, a boy minded a-gender or a transmasculine genders(rather than man or male)... I was deeply shocked that so many people think the only option is girl/woman or man. That's it. And if not one, then you are the other. I was pleased to see just how welcome trans* were and people talking about trans* but the entire middle ground was missing. It seems like people in the dyke world don't know there is an option. Which deeply shocks me. I am so used to seeing people grasping the concept in the communities I'm in that I am actually disturbed and distressed people sincerely don't know a) the difference between gender and sex - although I see happen even on this board and b) aren't aware there are more than two choices. Though having said that, a large proportion of my partners have been "tomboy lesbians" who just didn't understand that there was a place of acceptance of their internal sense of self until they met me. Most of my partners did not ID as butch or understand the concept of genderqueer (where your gender is not a societal expectation of your sex, being female bodied) until I hung out with them, talked, had sex with them etc. When they finally fully connected with the words and ability to connect with it and not stuff it. Where they could figure out just where they were - I got asked a lot what gender I thought they might be. I shrug and say "Jacki gender." Or whatever their name is. I show them different comics written by genderqueer types and blogs etc. For them to read if they connect with it or not, usually they do. And those folks have all been 35 years old and older. But the ones on the boards were very much younger. It shocked me. The youth where I have lived, in the various cities, have all been ahead of the older crowd in accepting gender fluidity, genderqueer and transgender/transmasculine. It has made me wish, at times, I was 10 years younger so dating would be soooooo much easier. But I was shocked when I read these various boards. I'm guessing there are a lot of places in the states where the binary is still the only thing understood in the dyke communities? And no one even knows there is actually another way to see ones self? Is this true? I have only lived in Seattle and New York and there was oodles of understanding even 15 years ago in those two cities.at least in the communities I knew. But is this the case where you live? Lack of understanding of genderqueers or gender fluid? Of boy minded a-gender or transmasculine genders? Not just woman or man?