Bravehearts: FTMs who cannot or choose not to medically transition

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by LoyalWolfsBlade

Dapper,
It wasn't an adverse reaction to anistea per say but the fact that a surgery to remove a thoracic disease from my spine at the T7 T8 level lead to three additional surgeries to have infections removed and cleaned. I had those surgeries in GA and when I retuned to the PNW I was advised that even though Top surgery was/is deemed medically necessary for me not to have it done. I now have to many health factors that make it dangerous. One obviously is the high risk of abcess (infection ) and I now have bilateral tumors on my adrenal glands as well as modular on both thyroids. So is just the spine surge preventing me from moving forward sadly no. However if I had had my current primary care doctor she would never had allowed that surgery to take place. Especially in the area of the spine they operated on, not a common area. I guess the bottom line is I am no longer medically strong enough to have Top Surgery.
I still take my T. I still don't think any surgery will make me more of a man than I already am. Yet, I do still grieve the body I deserve and am beyound tired of my gender/body dysphoria that bites me in the ass from time to time.
I also know that it is my perception that allows me to believe that I just don't fit into any part of society.
Believe it or not I do have good days this just isn't one of them. Thanks for asking Dapper.

Damn, you have been through some shit. I'm sorry you can't get it done. I am glad you can hold onto the T. I hated my chest and hoped that top surgery alone was enough to fix my dysphoria. I got top surgery 3 years ago and planned to just continue to live as a very masculine female (I was read as male 85% of the time, anyway). I found that the top surgery just "wasn't enough" to dispel the dysphoria, and to continue to push myself into this "female" box just couldn't continue. I just had to see....and started on low dose T, to make sure it was "right for me". I quickly found out it was. I am now on T for two years. Name and all documents changed within 6 months of starting on T.

I have to tell you, that if I had to chose one or the other, I would choose T. Although I wake up EVERY morning and smile about my chest, it is the T that I needed for my emotional balance. I am saying that as a person who wore a tight binder, all day, every day, for about 20 years.