If the stone "melts," is it stone?

[MsTinkerbelly]

Finally, something with some meat to it!

I think I disagree with the thought of having to always be stone to claim the title...people may not have the terms or understanding of why they don't want to be touched, and they try for years to get over what they and others might see as their "problem".

Also, someone who occasionally "allows" touch may do so for a special person, in a special situation, without feeling "melted" or forced. I have found ( in my limited experience), that "stone" has different meanings for different people, and is not necessarily a ridged " don't touch me below the waist or on the chest" rule.

Now imo,someone who tries to "melt" a stone person has no respect for that person or their personal boundaries. Run

I am not stone.

[Kätzchen]

I used to think that "Stone " was somehow a part of my sexual identity. But it's not. I'm not stone. I just have what I think turns out to be a case of really good boundaries.

[Kelt]

I have identified as Stone since the term was introduced to me by my “Butch Mentor” back in the late seventies. At that time and well into the eighties the lesbian community (which I was never comfortable in but there was no alternative then) was not at all embracing of the term, much less the boundaries. I had a series of three short relationships, all ending in violation for me during my twenties and walked away from the idea of having a partner for the next 15 years.

I then met someone who understood and had a much broader view which I attribute to her, and subsequently my, involvement in the BDSM community. We were together for five years and the relationship worked well for me. As it turned out over time, she did feel the need to be in a reciprocal relationship and fully respecting my wishes, she decided to move on. I knew then I was unlikely to ever find anything truly long term. After that I dated a little and had a brief encounter with a person who seemed to think that boundaries were some kind of test, so I moved on.

I have been single for quite a few years and respect the lifestyles of others and understand that though one might believe they can be with an absolute stone for the long haul, I have never witnessed it. I have heard of stones that have been “melted” and am sure there are many definitions of what that means and believe everyone has the right and ability to set their own boundaries. It is incumbent upon that person to make sure that they are understood. My personal Stone boundaries are deeply rooted in gender issues so I know that will not be the case for me.

“Trust” and “Relationship” are words that no longer have a place in my vocabulary.

I am at an age and place in life where I am very comfortable with myself other than addressing some of my gender issues in a more concrete way (This will happen in 2018). I have no desire to pursue anything more than friendships which I will always welcome. Concerns over physical boundaries are just a non-issue now and I am very happy with that.

I think at this point in life I would really enjoy a .

[Mel C.]

Great idea for a thread Nat!

I don't I.D. as stone specifically because I do not want to be placed under rigid rules about where/how I can be touched. Although have never gotten much pleasure out of being touched certain places, I don't want to rule it out as an option. I'm more of a "go with the flow" person anyway. Maybe next time it will be different and I would miss out on something incredible.

I probably confuse my sexual partners with a "maybe" and frustrate them with a "not now," but the communication is open.

Did I make any sense?

[BullDog]

I identify as a stone butch and it is something that does not change. It does include sexual boundaries and those don't change for me ever. It is also about energy exchange for me and ties into my dominance and is freeing for me to know that my partner understands I am stone and wants to be with me and compliments what I am and that boundaries are clear.

If other people have different definitions of stone or it changes over time for them I think that is their right but if they are dating or partnered with someone that person needs to know so that they know what they are dealing with or getting into. If someone thinks they are with someone stone, or someone stone in a certain way and it turns out not to be the case it can be hurtful and confusing. I have had several femme partners and friends go through that.
There are also times where someone honestly does change and they don't realize it, so that of course isn't being dishonest but still can be hard for a partner to go through.

[*Anya*]

As usual, I say a person is whatever they claim as their ID.

I don't get how anyone, anywhere, can say how someone else identifies; is right or wrong.

Good grief, for a population (LGBTQI) that has had to fight so many obstacles to get to a safe and comfortable place within ourselves, we sure spend time policing others.

I will do the usual caveat, "not on BFP, of course".

My long term ex was stone for the first 10 years of our relationship.

Her choice, who she was.

The last 9 years, she wasn't.

Her choice, who she was.

No matter who I am with or how they identify:

I am never stone.