What do you do to promote visibility/awareness?

[Kobi]

What do you do to promote visibility/awareness?

I've been out for over 40 years and never had the need to promote the visibility of or awareness of lesbians or myself as a lesbian.

I have never hidden who I was and never understood people who felt they needed to live dual lives. I found a peace, pride, and acceptance in just living my life without apologies or excuses.

I hope I have been and will continue to be a role model to other women to do female and woman as it fits them rather than adhere to arbitrary stereotypes expected from outsiders or insiders. THAT is more important to me.

What others might see as acts of kindness, I see as being human. I dont shovel out my elderly neighbors car because I am a lesbian. I dont bring them their newspaper or mail in bad whether because of my lesbianism either.

In my experience, people dont give a rats ass who I choose to sleep with. Such thoughts dont even enter peoples minds as much as we think they do LOL. They do care about who I am as a human being.

I find I encounter more and more issues of "visibility/awareness" and respect within the queer community than I do outside of it.

I find the sexism and misogyny to be quite obvious and offensive.

I find there are more stereotypical assumptions and presumptions made about who I SHOULD be as both a woman and a lesbian rather than accepting an actual display of diversity, something which we are fond of promoting but have noticeable troubling doing.

I have had to address respecting lesbian spaces in a mixed community in many different venues. I wondered if this thread was placed in the lesbian zone for the sake of lesbians or to encroach on lesbian space? Dunno. Only the OP can answer that.

I have often, of late, had to address what a lesbian is to people within the queer spectrum who need lesbian to be something other than what it is. And, I have to address the same issue with outsiders who mistake atypical femaleness for transgenderism.

Frankly, it is all getting rather tiresome.

[BullDog]

Originally Posted by Kobi

I find there are more stereotypical assumptions and presumptions made about who I SHOULD be as both a woman and a lesbian rather than accepting an actual display of diversity, something which we are fond of promoting but have noticeable troubling doing.

I have had to address respecting lesbian spaces in a mixed community in many different venues. I wondered if this thread was placed in the lesbian zone for the sake of lesbians or to encroach on lesbian space? Dunno. Only the OP can answer that.

I have often, of late, had to address what a lesbian is to people within the queer spectrum who need lesbian to be something other than what it is. And, I have to address the same issue with outsiders who mistake atypical femaleness for transgenderism.

Ascot was talking about life experience living as a butch dyke so how is that an encroachment on lesbian space?

Bolded portions: You complain about stereotypical assumptions about who you should be as a woman and lesbian, then a few paragraphs later talk about having to tell others what lesbians are or are not.

Do you not see the irony/double standards here?

[Esme nha Maire]

Interesting post, Kobi. I know what you mean about just being oneself, and I feel very much like you on that subject. Ditto being kind to others, ditto misogyny and sexism. I am curious about your comment regarding lesbian spaces, and in particular, the bit about people 'need lesbian to be something other than what it is' - could you elucidate, please? I thought the term lesbian was straightforward and generally understood - a woman that finds other women sexually attractive - and, perhaps it's due to a difference in culture between the USA and the UK, but I've never heard of anyone thinking it to mean anything else!

Originally Posted by Kobi

What do you do to promote visibility/awareness?

I've been out for over 40 years and never had the need to promote the visibility of or awareness of lesbians or myself as a lesbian.

I have never hidden who I was and never understood people who felt they needed to live dual lives. I found a peace, pride, and acceptance in just living my life without apologies or excuses.

I hope I have been and will continue to be a role model to other women to do female and woman as it fits them rather than adhere to arbitrary stereotypes expected from outsiders or insiders. THAT is more important to me.

What others might see as acts of kindness, I see as being human. I dont shovel out my elderly neighbors car because I am a lesbian. I dont bring them their newspaper or mail in bad whether because of my lesbianism either.

In my experience, people dont give a rats ass who I choose to sleep with. Such thoughts dont even enter peoples minds as much as we think they do LOL. They do care about who I am as a human being.

I find I encounter more and more issues of "visibility/awareness" and respect within the queer community than I do outside of it.

I find the sexism and misogyny to be quite obvious and offensive.

I find there are more stereotypical assumptions and presumptions made about who I SHOULD be as both a woman and a lesbian rather than accepting an actual display of diversity, something which we are fond of promoting but have noticeable troubling doing.

I have had to address respecting lesbian spaces in a mixed community in many different venues. I wondered if this thread was placed in the lesbian zone for the sake of lesbians or to encroach on lesbian space? Dunno. Only the OP can answer that.

I have often, of late, had to address what a lesbian is to people within the queer spectrum who need lesbian to be something other than what it is. And, I have to address the same issue with outsiders who mistake atypical femaleness for transgenderism.

Frankly, it is all getting rather tiresome.

[Clyde]

I think I promote visibility just by walking out my door I don't think anyone reads me as anything other than a big honkin' butch.

[Ascot]

Originally Posted by Clyde

I think I promote visibility just by walking out my door I don't think anyone reads me as anything other than a big honkin' butch.

This made me laugh aloud. I'm sure the same goes for me, and I think it's a good thing. We're just people making our way in the world, no harm, no foul.

[Ascot]

Originally Posted by Kobi

Frankly, it is all getting rather tiresome.

Funny. That's precisely what I feel about antagonistic curmudgeonliness!


Why wouldn't I post this in the lesbian zone? Among other things, I am a lesbian, so yeah...

[girl_dee]

i have a marriage equality sticker on my car.

Honestly i am afraid of retaliation in this neck of the woods, so i stay rather invisible among the population.

[EnchantedNightDweller]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

i have a marriage equality sticker on my car.

Honestly i am afraid of retaliation in this neck of the woods, so i stay rather invisible among the population.

That's how I feel too, Dee. I appreciate so much the people who do stand up for us. But this is still the south and I don't think things are quite as progressive yet. Trans people in particular are often afraid of being discovered. It's just the reality.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by EnchantedNightDweller

That's how I feel too, Dee. I appreciate so much the people who do stand up for us. But this is still the south and I don't think things are quite as progressive yet. Trans people in particular are often afraid of being discovered. It's just the reality.

it is, i never felt like this anywhere i’ve lived, even New Orleans. I don’t wave the flag but i’m not going to hide either.

i am out on my job completely, but i feel safe there. That's not always the case.

[JDeere]

Its obvious what i am as soon as i walk out the door. I dont wave flags, have stickers on my truck etc. Never felt the need to be more visible in the community.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by JDeere

Its obvious what i am as soon as i walk out the door. I dont wave flags, have stickers on my truck etc. Never felt the need to be more visible in the community.

that’s where i envy butches sometimes. i know the struggle can be big but you never have to go around outing yourself all the time.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

that’s where i envy butches sometimes. i know the struggle can be big but you never have to go around outing yourself all the time.

Thats true we dont have to go around outing ourselves. I know about the femme invisiblity issues as well, my ex's have had that happen to them all the time so i do understand the need for more visibility.

[cathexis]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

that’s where i envy butches sometimes. i know the struggle can be big but you never have to go around outing yourself all the time.

Yeah, but there's a flip side to not being obviously butch. Was brought to my attention during a conversation about 25 years ago between my ex-husband (obviously ethnically Jewish), my now lover (very butch and unable to hide), and myself (able to blend into straight and non-Jewish crowds, but am gender bent). How safe I feel on my Partner's arm, but is She safe having me there?


If you are a person who can blend in, be aware of the weight those who cannot must carry. In many places at present, it may result in a pleasant acknowledgement. But don't forget how quickly those tables can turn. Wasn't so long ago , 1940s Holocaust and 1960s Stonewall that our sisters (and brothers) were getting their heads smashed in and being gassed.

The political climate of the world could well lead to similar atrocities.
We just need to be aware and know that all is not safe. When will the next Charlottesville happen, and how far will the fascists push it this time?

[BullDog]

I feel very visible just walking around too. I think I pretty much fit the stereotype of butch dyke/lesbian, although I also don't think most people really get what butch is all that well.

If someone were to mistake me for being trans, it wouldn't bother me one bit since there's nothing wrong with being trans and someone could look exactly like me and be TG butch or trans and not have transitioned yet or not be on T. Butch lesbians/dykes can look all kinds of different ways just like anyone else.

I'm not worried about keeping some purified version of lesbian alive or being a gatekeeper. I do lesbian my way, you do it your way, and if you don't i.d. as lesbian that's cool too.

Sometimes kids ask me if I am a girl or boy. I tell them girl but don't make a big deal about it (lol it makes me laugh because I definitely don't relate to girl). I also don't correct them if they call me he. They figure it out in their own way, and I love that. I also love being around kids or other butches being around them to give them exposure to different types of people. Kids are fun to play with too.

I don't think I consciously go out of my way to increase visibility but when you are butch I think you kind of do anyway. Mostly, yeah I would like people to see us as regular human beings who work, go grocery shopping, pay our taxes, vote, etc. just like they do.