What TO DO in a relationship.....

[MsTinkerbelly]

Show them by your deeds how much they are loved...talk is easy, actions speak louder.

[Clyde]

Be true to your word, only make promises you intend to keep. Resolve issues in the now, rather than deferring them.

[homoe]

Originally Posted by Clyde

Be true to your word, only make promises you intend to keep. Resolve issues in the now, rather than deferring them.

Very good advice Clyde

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

Show them by your deeds how much they are loved...talk is easy, actions speak louder.

This is why I think people should read Gary Chapman's book...
The 5 Love Languages! My top three love languages: Receiving of Gifts, Quality Time spent together, and Physical Touch.....

Nice post, Ms Tinkerbelly!

[homoe]

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

This is why I think people should read Gary Chapman's book...
The 5 Love Languages! My top three love languages: Receiving of Gifts, Quality Time spent together, and Physical Touch.....

Nice post, Ms Tinkerbelly!

I so agree Miss Katz... Knowing someone's love sign just makes good common sense IMHO

[PlatinumPearl]

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

This is why I think people should read Gary Chapman's book...
The 5 Love Languages! My top three love languages: Receiving of Gifts, Quality Time spent together, and Physical Touch.....

I absolutely agree that this is a must read for all entering and currently in relationships. I have had such struggles with partners not knowing my love language and not respecting or understanding why mine was different than there's. I think knowing would help to have a successful relationship.

[There is also "The 5 Love Languages for Men" as well]

[Ascot]

It is, I believe, inevitable that relationships leave us with baggage. Life gives us baggage. It's part of what makes who and how we are. I think it's so important, albeit often incredibly difficult, to do our best not to let that baggage negatively impact new and burgeoning relationships. It's not fair that a new person has to bear the brunt of crap another has burdened us with. No doubt some of that is unavoidable, but do what needs to be done to lessen the load. See a therapist, exercise self care, talk with good friends...find an emotional baggage porter.

We owe it to ourselves and whoever comes next.

[homoe]

Originally Posted by Ascot

It is, I believe, inevitable that relationships leave us with baggage. Life gives us baggage. It's part of what makes who and how we are. I think it's so important, albeit often incredibly difficult, to do our best not to let that baggage negatively impact new and burgeoning relationships. It's not fair that a new person has to bear the brunt of crap another has burdened us with. No doubt some of that is unavoidable, but do what needs to be done to lessen the load. See a therapist, exercise self care, talk with good friends...find an emotional baggage porter.

We owe it to ourselves and whoever comes next.

[girl_dee]

be sure the other knows every single day, that they are loved

[ardentfemme]

I hope this isn’t derailing the thread, but regarding the topic of baggage, I’ve done a lot of reflecting lately about how we learn from relationships. Essentially, how to contextualize difficult (and sometimes painful) lessons we’ve learned from exes or even friends and family. So, instead of viewing one’s “baggage” as “I have trust issues because someone hurt me,” one could view it in a positive light by spinning it as “Oh, I learned that not everyone deserves my immediate trust. I should wait to get to know someone and then make an informed decision about whether or not to trust them, to what degree, and with which specific things.”

I really do believe the relationships we have and the people we meet all serve to teach us something. Even if it’s what we don’t want.

Anyway, this mentality has been really helpful for me. I hope it proves equally beneficial for y’all.

xoxo

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by ardentfemme

I hope this isn’t derailing the thread, but regarding the topic of baggage, I’ve done a lot of reflecting lately about how we learn from relationships. Essentially, how to contextualize difficult (and sometimes painful) lessons we’ve learned from exes or even friends and family. So, instead of viewing one’s “baggage” as “I have trust issues because someone hurt me,” one could view it in a positive light by spinning it as “Oh, I learned that not everyone deserves my immediate trust. I should wait to get to know someone and then make an informed decision about whether or not to trust them, to what degree, and with which specific things.”

I really do believe the relationships we have and the people we meet all serve to teach us something. Even if it’s what we don’t want.

Anyway, this mentality has been really helpful for me. I hope it proves equally beneficial for y’all.

xoxo

Hi AF.

I totally love the reframe. i used to say i needed to put my *must have* list out to the universe to attract the right partner for me when it was time. Well i did that, and they showed up! They had all the things on my list.

They also had addictions, anger issues, major debt, insecurities etc... i learned the hard way that that sort of *baggage* can outweigh all the good stuff...

So now i have a *must have* and *must not have* list..... and it worked!

[homoe]

Originally Posted by ardentfemme

I hope this isn’t derailing the thread, but regarding the topic of baggage, I’ve done a lot of reflecting lately about how we learn from relationships. Essentially, how to contextualize difficult (and sometimes painful) lessons we’ve learned from exes or even friends and family. So, instead of viewing one’s “baggage” as “I have trust issues because someone hurt me,” one could view it in a positive light by spinning it as “Oh, I learned that not everyone deserves my immediate trust. I should wait to get to know someone and then make an informed decision about whether or not to trust them, to what degree, and with which specific things.”

I really do believe the relationships we have and the people we meet all serve to teach us something. Even if it’s what we don’t want.

Anyway, this mentality has been really helpful for me. I hope it proves equally beneficial for y’all.

xoxo