Dating Personality Types

[DapperButch]

ISTJ

When I first started taking these 20 years ago, I always got ESTJ. Since then, it has been a toss up between I and E. The STJ never changes. The J is on the lower end than it used to be. I think that is because I have become more flexible over time. I am less rigid, less "wound up tight", since transition.

ETA: I think that I would have to be with a Thinker over Feeler. I have a hard time when people don't make decisions based on hard data, or don't think "logically" when it comes to problem solving. It puts me over the edge. I can be very pragmatic and struggle understanding someone who isn't. With that said, I wish I was less pragmatic and prefer a partner who is less pragmatic than me, in general.

[imperfect_cupcake]

when it comes to dating, I prefer to date what compliments me.

ENFP - gI get balanced by INFJ or INTJ very well. I have a HUUUUUUGE "P" like, off the scales "P" so those with a "J" tend to help me out.

I have shitloads of fun with the two above types - usually. There are people in any group that I don't get on with, of course. But I have always had the best fun/relationships with those and through my history a *large* percentage of them have been one or the other. And this has been my experience with them:


I love that I can really have stupid fun with those types because they get that "dark, intelligent, irreverent, piss taker" part of me when others see a "rainbow care bear that is grumpy pants. Poor grumpy oogums."

That doesn't mean they won't call me a care bear to piss me off at every opportunity -but someone who has the intelligence and interest to insult me with care and wit means they have to pay particular attention to me to get that far - and I like that. That's hot.

That's also why I will irritate them with little toe puppets on my feet acting out Swiss Family Robinson Loves My Little Pony when they are really, really fucking busy.

Because, it would really piss them off but also secretly tell them things.

I also know it would piss an INFJ off in a much different way than it would an INTJ (frankly it's more fun to piss an INTJ off. They are more fun with being pissed off)

INFJs are more fun with pissing *me* off.

But they are both fun at both. They are just weighed slightly better at one more than the other.

My INFJs tended to be a bit more Mudpuddly with being pissed off by a good solidly applied perry, whereas my INTJs got a bit of *~frisson~*.

when my INFJs have pissed me off it was more Fozzy Bear "oh I pissed off the Mrs! Waka waka!"
And the INTJ if they managed to sincerely piss me off is was met with more "WHAT? IT WAS ACADEMIC." *poke*? (you aren't seriously mad are you? I mean, I had a point...)

[tantalizingfemme]

I am an ISFJ - The Nurturer


So an ESTP or ESFP appears to be my ideal date. Not quite sure about that.

[Wrang1er]

I took this three times because I didn't think I fit the description. The result was the same every time. ISFP.

[charley]

I took this test many years prior to deep meditation, was INTP then.

[Mopsie]

I've taken Myers Briggs in the past many times - I always come out INFP/J (Equally split between P & J). Also when I was younger I learned more towards E than I but have become more introverted as I've gotten older.

[WheatToast]

Originally Posted by Mopsie

I've taken Myers Briggs in the past many times - I always come out INFP/J (Equally split between P & J). Also when I was younger I learned more towards E than I but have become more introverted as I've gotten older.

I've taken this damn test a dozen times, and I always forget what I was within 15 minutes. Last time I wrote it down so I could check later. I have no idea where I stored that Post It note.
But I live in Texas, so let's just say I am an E-I-E-I-O.

[CherryWine]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

ISTJ

When I first started taking these 20 years ago, I always got ESTJ. Since then, it has been a toss up between I and E. The STJ never changes. The J is on the lower end than it used to be. I think that is because I have become more flexible over time. I am less rigid, less "wound up tight", since transition.

ETA: I think that I would have to be with a Thinker over Feeler. I have a hard time when people don't make decisions based on hard data, or don't think "logically" when it comes to problem solving. It puts me over the edge. I can be very pragmatic and struggle understanding someone who isn't. With that said, I wish I was less pragmatic and prefer a partner who is less pragmatic than me, in general.

Everyone needs an ISTJ in their lives! My dad and my girlfriend are both ISTJs, and let me tell ya....you’ll never meet two more dependable people in your life. If they care about you, and you need them...they will be there. You can bet your bottom dollar.

They are also both very innovative/inventive and come off as rather serious while secretly having wicked senses of humor. (I don’t believe I’ve ever laughed so hard as when my gf started a conversation between my cat and my kitten using two separate voices that fit each of their little personalities perfectly. )

I have found that, relationship-wise, I get along much better with thinkers over feelers, as well. I am very blunt and logical and value those same traits in others. That being said, most of my dearest friends are feelers. Go figure.

[Femmadian]

Originally Posted by CherryWine

Everyone needs an ISTJ in their lives! My dad and my girlfriend are both ISTJs, and let me tell ya....you’ll never meet two more dependable people in your life. If they care about you, and you need them...they will be there. You can bet your bottom dollar.

They are also both very innovative/inventive and come off as rather serious while secretly having wicked senses of humor. (I don’t believe I’ve ever laughed so hard as when my gf started a conversation between my cat and my kitten using two separate voices that fit each of their little personalities perfectly. )
<snip>

Couldn't agree more. And the humour thing is spot on. My main ISTJ does this all the time with the pets in the family and carries on entire conversations with and between them in character. You will split your sides! They're incredibly imaginative and hugely playful!

-----

So, I quite like ISTJs. I was partly raised by one (someone I look up to very much and have a lot of respect for) so I have a bit of a soft spot for them. I think they're also very misunderstood overall so I feel a bit protective of them in general, especially when they get painted as some sort of strict, stiff-upper-lip military type. Yes, they can be, but there's also a lot more to them than that.

In any kind of relationship with an ISTJ, as an INFP I know I'm probably not going to get all my emotional needs met by them (need a fellow NF for that) but ISTJs have a kind of quiet integrity and groundedness which I find very admirable. I think they're the most likely to be the knights of the roundtable out of all the types of the MBTI.


Some things I've observed (YMMV):

• Extremely hard workers, with an incredible, near inexhaustible work ethic; tend to define themselves by their output and get their validation from having their work be appreciated by others (with particular attention paid to the sheer amount that they did). Will work themselves into the ground if not careful or if another type doesn't come in and tell them it's okay to rest or that what they did was not only "good enough" but exceeds their expectations.
• Self sacrificing. See above. Often personally identifies with their role as the provider or worker bee, depending on context, and judges their life by how well they were able to fulfill these roles.
• Very values driven. I know a lot of attention is paid to INFPs being the ultimate value-driven type, but I find that ISTJs are just as much, if not moreso. It's just that their values are different... less about political and social equity (though that's often a feature) but more about personal qualities, like integrity, honesty, and reliability. They're much more likely to judge you based on your actions they've observed than the conversations you've had (although they tend to, in my experience, have a memory like a steel trap when it comes to the latter and can often brood, so choose your words carefully!).
• When it comes to charity or giving back, they just do it, often quietly. Tends to be spontaneous and emotion-driven (rather than intellectualizing concepts of fairness). They don't tend to talk about it with others or make a big fuss, and it tends to be in direct response to something they saw that affected them (ie - going out and buying groceries and Christmas toys for the neighbour's kid after finding out their parents were just laid off, rather than opening their checkbook for a large children's charity "just because"). Seeing need rather than being told of need works better for them.
• Nothing is ever half-assed. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well, at a level that feels like the equivalent of someone else's 120%. ISTJs can also have a bit of a perfectionist streak to them.
• When they love someone (romantic or otherwise), it has an almost childlike purity to it. It's a love without qualifications. They don't love often but when they do, it is pure and really endearing to see. Likewise, when they're crushing on someone, there's a straightforward, guileless quality that's paired with a personal bashfulness, almost like they're made uncomfortable by their own emotions (and sometimes just by the very presence of their crush). So cheek-pinching-ly cute!
• A wicked, often oddball sense of humour. Usually swings between extremes of very dry or very goofy. To an F-type, it can sometimes come across as mean, overly teasing, or off-putting, especially online without the benefit of tone or body language or if you don't know their personality very well.
• They actually have quite the soft underbelly, despite their reputation for being a bit of a hard ass. Every now and then, if you're lucky, they'll show it to you, usually when no one else is looking, and usually unprovoked. Blink and you'll miss it. When they're feeling particularly open or tired or their guard is down, they may even allow you to stroke it (metaphorically speaking), but like most cats, they'll usually only allow one or two belly rubs before promptly jumping out of your arms and trotting away (like nothing ever happened) to go catch the bug near the window... or something.
• Very practical and pragmatic. Can be a bit of a freight train when they're on a mission and can sometimes run you over unintentionally, especially if you're an NF. Breaking down for them how their specific behaviours create certain feelings in you (and thereby trigger specific behaviours from you towards them) works wonders. They respond well to clear explanations of cause and effect, particularly with emotions. They nearly always mean to do well. They just need you to give them the knowledge they need in order to do well.
• An almost knight-like sense of personal integrity. ISTJs value loyalty and sincerity and have a low threshold for bullshit (can tie into their sense of humour). On the flip side, they will often beat themselves up over past examples in their head of when they fell short of their own expectations or values.
• Appreciate ritual and tradition, but it has to make sense and hold meaning for them. Otherwise, they can be pretty blunt expressing their disdain for it (and sometimes the people who engage in it).
• The older/more mature ISTJs tend to have a kind of bewilderment at how an NF type goes through the world, but also a kind of admiration for it even if they can't quite personally understand it... and they nurture the protectiveness of a lion for the NF's in their lives who they feel may be being threatened, which is incredibly endearing and kind of an awesome thing to behold when it's out in full force.
• They do have a high need to be right, or perhaps more accurately, a strong sense of their own rightness. Can be a bit of a pit bull about it. Quite sheepish when they know they were wrong. Apologies are also kind of sheepish and mostly hinted around without actually saying the words (you have to read between the lines with them on this one). Nervous chuckles while they admit that another path or person may have been "okay too" and no real eye contact... They appear very vulnerable when they make an apology. It seems to shake their self concept a bit when they've been proven to be wrong and so, whenever possible, a bit of kindness and gentleness goes a long way (in other words, don't rub their noses in it).
• ISTJs have a sometimes annoying habit of giving a LOT of unsolicited advice when you're just trying to bond with them over something or emote at them about something. Or they'll give a lot of unasked for advice when they just THINK your life isn't going according to how they think it should go (which can come off as judgmental and arrogant in the moment). This ties in to their own certainty about their own rightness. It's mostly well intentioned but it can really backfire and they often take it personally when you don't follow their advice. ISTJs can sometimes view the fact that you're not rushing right out to "fix" things according to them as a personal failing on your part! (I'm not illogical or stupid or self-sabotaging, thankyouverymuch. We're just different. Grrr... ) They sometimes need to be reminded that it "takes all kinds."
• Seem to express their love and affection (love language) via acts of service. Not sure if this just the ones I've been exposed to or if it's a type-specific thing. If, for example, you ask an ISTJ you're close to how to change your oil, they will gladly rise to the occasion, giving you a ten point instruction on how to do it, why you do it, what happens if you don't do it, all the different scenarios that you might need to know where you should do it, etc., and they will probably completely take over the whole process while they're explaining it, too (to make sure it's done right, of course!). After all is said and done and you think it's all over, you'll thank them and you'll both go back to doing whatever you were doing before, but the next time you go out to see your car, you will notice that it has also now been washed, your tires have been topped up, there is a new ice scraper and broom waiting for you in your trunk, and they secretly took your keys when you weren't watching to vacuum out the inside of your back seat. And also your gas tank is now on Full. True story! When they see that you're finally near your newly sparkling supercar, they'll come over and usually mention what they did in passing, almost shyly but trying to be all nonchalant about it, but also wanting to see that you received their love as they intended it. Quite vulnerable, actually. It's hard to not love someone like that!
• Devoted. If you are one of their chosen few, when the going gets tough they will put you above themselves at their own personal detriment without even thinking twice about it. Often it's to the extreme. They need someone equally as strong and protective of *them* in their life to remind them that they don't always have to do that (and that sometimes, in fact, they shouldn't).
• Fiercely loyal, especially if you've demonstrated values that they personally align with.
• Reliable to a fault. Expects others to be as well.
• ISTJs are usually quite proud people. And they want you to see them as someone to be proud of. Will usually be a bit shy if you compliment them on it, but will be secretly tickled pink that you think of them that way. They will hold onto your compliments for years.
• Usually voracious readers. Like, read the Encyclopedia in the bathroom readers (again, true story). Gifts of something to read on a topic they like, whether it be books, newspapers, topical magazine subscriptions, or even documentaries, etc., are usually very well received.
• They don't mention their past or their childhood very much, especially when they're just getting to know you, but seem to be extremely touched when you remember the things they did mention, especially if you can demonstrate it as a gift, like in a related act of service or something physical for them to have as a reminder that they're important to you. It might help to explain that one a bit... So, for example, years ago an ISTJ friend of mine related an offhand story about how he'd always had a special relationship with his Scottish grandfather with whom he shared a birthday and another friend chimed in that when ISTJ friend was a little kid, he would always try to be like said grandfather by wearing bowties and suspenders to school (awwww, the little nerd... ). So when his birthday rolled around a few months later, I made sure to gift him two matching bowties, one for him and one for his grandfather, in their Scottish family tartan, with a card explaining the link. My normally pretty stoic ISTJ friend actually got a little choked up (though he would never admit it!) and he then wore it whenever I saw him for like a solid month afterwards, always with a sheepish, shy smile (ISTJs are very sheepish people... heh). They don't like to admit that they have their soft and squishy bits but they're often the softest and squishiest of them all!

We don't always see eye to eye on many things (okay, most things) and I think that any STJ is bound to have a lot of friction with an NFP, but I have a lot of respect for them as people and how they move through the world. It takes a good long while to get to know them but when you do, it is absolutely, 100% worth it.