Trans people talking to other trans people

[Dean Thoreau]

What a wild ride June was.
Ok I was at 100 T weekly... after a few weeks at that my body went wild. I’ve heard of sex drive but it got insane, finally one weekend and not sleeping for three days and a sex drive that could not be satisfied or calmed down and a rage that was beyond anything I have ever experienced; I sent my endocrinologist an email saying Help! I explained every outrageous thing I had done; many things that I was shocked I had participated in.
The doc said take a break from T, and bluntly monitored me daily, checking in, and even discussed hospital admission because everything was so insane. So for 10 days no T, from the last orewacko dose. I had blood work done on the 29th and on Friday got to see the results: total t was 426.6 ... normal range is 7-40. A bit high
Free t was 9.9. When norm is 0 to 4.
Well at least it was the T not just insanity.
Not sure what caused the T to go so high but
I am now back on with a low 25 dose, and will take things even slower this time on the way up. Truth be told I don’t ever want to go through that again. Doc said the behavior and etc were due to the T. The doc even volunteered to speak with the gf so she would understand that the T in my system had taken over. Suffice to say after the weeks of this and normal stresses the gf and I are no longer seeing each other.
Personally I was wanting to break up with myself. That person I did not recognize, and bluntly would prefer to never see again.
Post script here, in 8 days my t went from 244 to 426 and the dose never changed...so what caused the jump is under debate, and I swear I did not increase a dose on my own.
So that’s been my world and my mistress T, hopefully with the restart things will go more smoothly; one thing I have seen loud and clear is how every part of this transition affects a lot more people than me.
Now I just need to cancel a bunch of memberships to numerous web sites and a few clubs in a city nearby. I doubt I will be looking for that a second time.

[Esme nha Maire]

Blimey Dean! I thought the moods I went through whilst they were finding the right dosage of oestrogen for me were bad, but they were nothing compared to what you've described! I'm so sorry to hear of what happened to you, and your not seeing your gf anymore :-(

I had a short patch of a week or so during the months in which my HRT dosage was being slowly raised where I got irritable at the clank of a falling molecule, and, weirdly, I experienced a greatly enhanced locational sense, my 3D spatial awareness was MUCH better than usual. My girlfriend was clearly getting niggled at me over my irritability, but as she had epic moodies with her periods, she understood, too. Then when the dosage was raised further, things calmed down, I went back to being my usual amiable self and my spatial awareness returned to normal.

And here was me thinking you guys have it generally easier.. I'll never think that again!

[Dean Thoreau]

Esme, your irritability description is wonderful.
It ended up my daughter who gives me my shots was giving me twice the amount I was supposed to be getting. Am now on a lower dose and restarted; least now I am in more control of what I desire.
As much as the “ wanting to fug anything that moves, and knot holes in trees were starting to look good “ I do confess much good has come out of it.
I finally accepted my straight man status (sort of) and realized the benefits of being a 65 yr old straight male. I’m outnumbered, so many ladies!!!! Nice sweet ladies, who are so well mannered and polite, until the door closes.
And yes, after the initial meet and greet, or care for a cup of coffee time, I have told each woman I am TG. Not a problem,
Definitely going for phalloplasty.... buying stock in condoms, and coconut oil...
I know I know, I am objectifying; but I am very nice and very very honest about the no strings attached.... friends with benefits...regular roll in the hay caveats. My heart will not be given to another; until I am declared dead , then the dr can give it away.

[Esme nha Maire]

(laughing) I hadn't thought about that - yes, older FTMs that are hetero will indeed be outnumbered by potential partners, y'lucky wossnames!

I'm glad to hear that you're not having partner problems re being transgendered. The thing that has me scratching my head is why us MTFs that are lesbian don't seem to be accepted quite so well when it comes to matters sexual by cis-lesbians. I mean, I get the impression that generally us women are a little more open-minded than guys when it comes to matters to do with gender and sex, but MTFs and lesbianism? Hmm..

Still, things seem to be moving rather rapidly these days. Perhaps it's something that will sort itself out in a generation or two.

Twice the proper dosage? Sheesh! I'm so glad you weren't damaged as a result!

The thing with objectifying the target of ones sexual desire is that pretty much everyone does it some of the time. So long as you you treat them as thinking feeling human beings most of the time, all is relatively well.

It's when objectification is so pervasive that the humanity of those one desires is ignored that problems arise. Indeed, I'd argue that it's precisely that which is at the root of patriarchy and the problems it has created, with the creation of social systems that have treated women as no better than cattle, as mere posessions of men.

You're being honest, and your lady friends are clearly appreciating that, from what you say - no need to feel guilty!

[Dean Thoreau]

FYI I finally got a pic to post ... 4mos on T, after an accident or two I am on 50 for at least another month.
October I see dr Rumer for bottom surgery decided on phallo... with the implant, and since I turn 65 in December my current ins which pays 100% goes away and I end up with Medicare that pays 90% so I will be begging for doc to do before dec 1;
So I got to say thanks to u all, I love being able to share on here, it helps a lot. Past few months really took me by surprise; and I am coming out of my chrysalis and into public more.
Until my bilateral mastectomy there was no passing except when I walked in a ladies rest room; now that the FF’s are gone and the facial hair is coming in more each day; it’s ok.
One question, all my bank info and credit cards or in my assigned at birth name , and my id is in birth name...but I don’t look like those pics, and oh I was praying yesterday when the guy at the theater asked for I’d when I handed him my credit card. Luckily my mil id he just glanced at...ok so how do I do this till my name is changed??? Which may take till January... ????

I have hotel bills and restaurant tabs coming up...son gets married in 2 weeks and the father of the groom gets to pay for the rehearsal dinner 😮, and a whole bunch of stuff I just found out about....
then in November a daughter is getting married so those credit cards and debit cards need to be working.

Oh yah I finally called my mother and told her; she’s not the most lucid individual but she seemed to be ok, till I told her my name change... when I told her I named myself after my son she wasn’t to nice but I told her and I did the full name change on Facebook as well as gender, that got the trump voter side of the family in a major tizzy,,,, seems I am no longer the female heiress to a bunch of junk... my response was thank god!!!
My soon to be married kids are wonderful. And have openly asked questions regarding how I preferr to be introduced etc. god my kids are great. Ok I wrote a book sorry. DT

[nhplowboi]

Hey Dean...…..I have not changed any account IDs either and I have found (especially in phone calls) if I just say right up front that I am in transition, I have had no problems in what ever transaction I am trying to complete. I am glad they have your T straightened out because it is hard to believe how much hormones can alter your being. Been there (but not that quite that high) and done that so I totally get it. Good luck my brother in the rest of the adventure!

[Esme nha Maire]

As it's been quiet here for a few weeks, I thought I'd just share this teeny snippet; this is just me, the way that I personally feel about things. Others probably feel different. But I realised somewhere earlier this year that I'd actually stopped thinking of myself as trans as an ID. That is to say, I simply think of myself as lesbian (which implies being female, of course!), I do not think of myself as a transwoman, although that term is, of course, perfectly accurate to describe me.

I think the switch in my feeling has been due to no longer feeling an outsider due to the events of the last year and a half in my life, where I 'came in from the cold' after a couple of decades - the lesbian scene nowadays is simply SO much more welcoming than it used to be that even my subconcious has relaxed and feels sure that I am genuinely accepted as just one of the girls, now.

Another wee snippet is an annoyance; why is it that whenever any kind of mental health problem crops up, almost inevitably someone asks me if I know of or am involved with a trans support group? As if my being trans is at the root of all my problems, or that socialising with others that have or have had the same medical problem is somehow magically going to solve whatever problems I have at the time. WTF?! Heaven forbid a trans person should have problems not associated with their being trans! Does anyone else that's trans get this?

(In case anyone's concerned, yes, I am now receiving practical help with the problem (which has nothing whatsoever to do with my gender or gender identity) causing my current state of ill health )