Caregivers and Stress

[GeorgiaMa'am]

Originally Posted by Chad

A lot of folks have suggested that I put mom in a home but I just can't do that. Mom and Dad adopted me at birth. I come from Georgia blood. They gave me shelter, food, and safety for 18 years. I owe them a debt. My dad is gone but as long as my mom is alive I will repay that debt. She does not want for anything I provide her a good life.

Yes, it is hard sometimes and I struggle with it but if you think about it our parents struggled with us too.

I understand, especially considering what some of those places are like. My mom had to put her mother in Central State Hospital in the Alzheimer's care unit, and she was there for nearly 20 years. My grandmother had become violent and there was no other choice; no private home would take her, and my mom could not defend herself. But my mom never abandoned her; she joined the board of the facility, and was a strong advocate for patient rights. My mom went to see her mother every week, and took her clothes home to wash; she felt that if she washed my grandmother's clothes, it was a strong message to the staff that someone was keeping a close eye on my grandmother. My mom continued to see her at least weekly until my grandmother passed away, even after my grandmother had completely lost all of her faculties and did not recognize my mother at all; for the last few years, she lay in her bed all the time and did not even talk. But my mom was there to make sure she was being rotated regularly to prevent bedsores and to wash her clothes.

As I've said here before, my sister and I will do our very best to prevent anything like that happening to our mom. My sister has a suite built in her home for our mom; our mom stays there overnight sometimes now, like when she has a hair appointment early the next day (because my sister is 45 minutes closer to her hair dresser); or like on weekends or at holidays, or just wants to get out of her own house. But, she never really wants to leave her own house, and my sister and I do everything we can to make sure she can stay there on her own as long as she wants. My mom has had the first of her Covid vaccinations, and as soon as I have mine, I'm going to stay with her for awhile. I can work from there as easily as I can from home, and it will take some of the work off my sister.

All this is to say, just hang in there, and appreciate the times with your mom while you can. Just like when we were children, being cared for by our parents, we will never get these days back again.