Passing - Is it a Privilege?

[Heart]

Every time I see the title of this thread -- it bothers me. Because I don't think passing is ever a privilege. Having white skin, for example, is a privilege, but passing as if you have white skin...? Passing may, or may not, be a choice, but whether it's a choice or not, there is danger inherent in passing. In the eyes of the dominant culture if you pass, you are stealing privilege, not being granted privilege. You are therefore a thief, an interloper, a fraud, you are messing with the power paradigm, and you can pay a heavy price for that.

What's interesting is that there is the reality of being granted privilege if you are NOT passing, but are somehow more closely aligned with the dominant culture anyway. For example, being a light-skinned person-of-color is not passing, but can result in benefits based upon the over-valuing of light skin (colorism). But it's not passing that creates privilege. Passing defies the very definition of privilege. Passing may be a form of resistance or survival, but its not, IMO, a privilege.
Heart

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Heart

Every time I see the title of this thread -- it bothers me. Because I don't think passing is ever a privilege. Having white skin, for example, is a privilege, but passing as if you have white skin...? Passing may, or may not, be a choice, but whether it's a choice or not, there is danger inherent in passing. In the eyes of the dominant culture if you pass, you are stealing privilege, not being granted privilege. You are therefore a thief, an interloper, a fraud, you are messing with the power paradigm, and you can pay a heavy price for that.
What's interesting is that there is the reality of being granted privilege if you are NOT passing, but are somehow more closely aligned with the dominant culture anyway. For example, being a light-skinned person-of-color is not passing, but can result in benefits based upon the over-valuing of light skin (colorism). But it's not passing that creates privilege. Passing defies the very definition of privilege. Passing may be a form of resistance or survival, but its not, IMO, a privilege.
Heart

It feels like privilege has become a catch-all term (even hackneyed)on this and other sites. Even a buzz term for [I]I'm politically correct[/I].. look at me.... Honest, self-examination of one's privilege to me, is just ending up as a mean's to be viewed as PC without the very painful work that really does need to be done.

What you bring to light (in red, above) here is so central to this entire analysis and the lack of understanding that privilege has many distinctions in various modalities and populations. It is also not the singular domain of US society. It is not stagnate concept that, it has fluidity in its myriad forms.

I think that what id important for me is to realize that I will always have to study privilege and never accept that it will disappear in any form in my lifetime. And that to view it from a singular stance will not serve me well.

When terms become nothing more than slogans, I know it is time to be more vigilant.

[iamkeri1]

[SIZE="3"]When I was femme in lesbian/gay society, I did not feel privileged for passing (as a straight woman). I felt both invisible and estranged, as the community I was involved with was very andro. I was femme with the additional negative (in their eyes) of being attracted to butch women (mmm-mmm-mmm.) This led to frequent taunting and dismissal of my reality as a lesbian acivist.

I was at all times aware, however, that I had the privlege of revealing or not revealing my orientation when in a work or straight social situation. I was aware that I could choose safety if I felt I needed to, or that I could choose to avoid confrontation if was having a weak moment.

This was a privilege my butch friends and partners did not have. On the other hand, they did not have to deal with invisibility because people ASSUMED they were gay.

When my darling revealed his trans status to me, (I had known him for nine years at that time, and been in a relationship with him for two years.), I felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world. We had just moved to Cali (Long Beach) and found ourselves welcomed into a gay community which included many b-f people. I felt like I belonged for the first time in my life. I sobbed like a crazy woman when he told me.

I knew right from the first, however, that I would not leave him. I was his, he was mine, there was no separating us. As he eventually transitioned, I was surprised and shocked to see the difference in the way we were treated by the general public. We had never been mistreated in our preceeding orientation, but when seen as husband and wife we were welcomed into "the club".... the "normie" club. We were astonished at the difference ... and dismayed that this treatment was not given to people that had been identified as queerfolk.

1. A short list of privileges
   • Joint tax returns (actually we always filed joint, but as husband and wife were less likely to face hassles)
   • Shared work benefits - health insurance, life insurance, funeral leave for your partners relatives.
   • Able to apply for and be issued a marriage license (whether or not the state would have recognised the marriage were our status revealed
   • Able to adopt kids with both names on the birth certificate
   • Collect social security widows benefit
   • Hospital visitation with no hassle
   • Endless "family" memberships[/SIZE]

ALL of these privileges should be "normal" for everyone.
Smooches,
Keri

[Dylan]

Whether I was given five dollars, or I 'stole' five dollars...I still have five dollars.

Whether the privilege is given or 'stolen', it's still granted. And if there weren't privilege in passing, people wouldn't stay in the closet nor would they 'pass'. It's because they don't want the discrimination (if we're talking 'staying in the closet').

And plenty of 'passing' people use the privilege they have been granted to oppress others in their same oppressed group. Some would even say that just staying in the closet oppresses others.

So, whether it's given freely or 'stolen', One still has the privilege. And it's 'given' in the first place, because One didn't bother to say anything about it/One didn't correct the assumption.


Dylan

[Heart]

Originally Posted by Dylan

So, whether it's given freely or 'stolen', One still has the privilege. And it's 'given' in the first place, because One didn't bother to say anything about it/One didn't correct the assumption.


Dylan

There are points well taken on both sides, however I disagree with the above part of your post. It is not the job of the person granted passing privilege to constantly correct assumptions based upon other people's biases.

And I still contend that while passing may be a tool, a strategy, a device, it does not meet the definition of privilege because at any moment it can be removed from you by others. In fact those that are passing face specific risks related to discovery. Think Brandon Teena.

Heart

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by Heart

There are points well taken on both sides, however I disagree with the above part of your post. It is not the job of the person granted passing privilege to constantly correct assumptions based upon other people's biases.

And I still contend that while passing may be a tool, a strategy, a device, it does not meet the definition of privilege because at any moment it can be removed from you by others. In fact those that are passing face specific risks related to discovery. Think Brandon Teena.

Heart

I think if One is unhappy with the assumptions, then it IS One's job to constantly correct. I don't think One can be too upset that people around One think One is X if One doesn't take the initiative to correct those assumptions. If I'm read as female, I can internally be upset that I am not being read as male, but it's my job to correct those assumptions in some way. Yeah, it's tiring, but expecting Others to just 'know' something is placing the burden/blame on Others. I mean, I can question, "What am I doing that's making me 'look female'?", but most people are going to assume that if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, etc. There are ways to out Oneself if One chooses to do it...but many people don't choose to do it, because of the fact that they don't want to face the discrimination.

No, I agree with you...I don't think passing in and of itself is a privilege (until it is used privilegedly). I mean, being white is not a privilege until One steps outside of their house and is granted that privilege. Privilege like gender is determined by Others. However, One is still being granted the privilege and is still using the privilege of the dominant group. When I'm granted male privilege, it's usually cis-male privilege (trans-male privilege looks a little bit different). I'm still given the privilege, and yeah, it's a tightrope walk, and it can be taken away...but I still have the privilege. I totally get what you're saying. But I've still been granted that privilege.

I think if One chooses to 'pass' (i.e. stay in the closet), then the burden IS on One. I'm specifically talking about people who (for instance), change up pronouns when in conversations with co-workers/friends/family/whomever to 'appear' straight. Or, people who have smoke screen marriages to keep the illusion of Straightdom. I think if One knowingly chooses to pass in order to maintain the privilege, One can't really bitch later when One isn't read as a member of the oppressed group. I DO totally think there's something in experiencing that discrimination and living that discrimination that sets up the social cues of the oppressed group. There are just different social cues for (using the example of) straight people and queers. If One has spent their time 'polishing' their social cues to be read as straight, those polished social cues are not going to 'cut the mustard' when One enters a queer space, and One is going to be read as 'straight', because all of the social cues they're giving off are going to be read as such. This happens with some trans people also...no matter what they do, they're just read as their assigned gender (or they're read as queer). I think this happens with ANY person who (intentionally) 'passes' regardless what oppressed group they belong to. I think the nuances are (sometimes) incredibly subtle, but they're definitely there. I also think these nuances and the privilege granted causes a lot of the biphobia we see so much of, because (it's assumed) bi people get a lot of straight privilege, and they haven't lived the 'queer experience'...they're not treated with the same discrimination as out gays/lesbians, because 'they have one foot in Straightdom' (again, assumptions).

I think a lot of (what is tagged) homophobia is also cisnormative privilege, because a very masculine/butch (speaking in societal definitions of what is masculine/feminine) gay man is going to be treated a lot differently than a big flaming queen. A very feminine lesbian is going to be treated a lot differently than a very butch lesbian...even if the butch man/feminine lesbian come out of the closet. And you can see how the difference in treatment runs down from very feminine lesbians through andro lesbians and down to butch lesbians...you can see the same gamut run through butch gay men through andro gay men and down to the treatment of effeminate gay men. The more one 'conforms' (not quite the word I want) to what society says is appropriate, the more privilege One is granted ('assimilation' is rewarded...even if One is not necessarily 'trying' to assimilate, it is read as assimilation, and it's still rewarded).

I rambled all over the place, but basically, I think if One chooses to stay in the closet, One can't bitch later, because they weren't read This Way. One can't have One's cake and eat it too. One can't live in the closet when it's convenient (i.e. adhere to social cues of Straightdom), and then complain when in the company of the Oppressed group that they're being read as straight. I mean, if One is utilizing the tools of the oppressor (i.e. the social cues of the dominant group), it's not the burden of the oppressed group to 'just know' One is actually part of the group.


Dylan

[Heart]

Actually, I think there are differences between passing privilege related to race and that related to gender and mixing it all up together could cause confusion.

My ex partner was African American and could pass for white. Had she corrected people's assumptions, that is pretty much all she would have done all day, every day. Passing for white resulted in being constantly subjected to the kind of casual racism that most people would not have enacted in front of her if they knew she was a person-of-color.

So, the issue really wasn't so much correcting someone's innocent assumption that she was white (which she did with regularity), as much as it was having to confront people's unexamined and often subtle forms of racism constantly. I don't think you, Dylan, would say that it is the job of a person of color to have to constantly, daily educate white folks about their racism -- but that's basically what you are suggesting my ex, who had "passing privilege," should do. Maybe the problem isn't the assumption so much as it is the "ism" that invariably follows the assumption. That's the thing that makes passing not a real privilege in my book.

Heart

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Dylan

So, whether it's given freely or 'stolen', One still has the privilege. And it's 'given' in the first place, because One didn't bother to say anything about it/One didn't correct the assumption.


Dylan

Just thinking about this in terms of being a FIB that at times is viewed as a man/male. In most cases, I state I object to being called sir, etc. to make the point that I am a woman... a masculine woman. I don't want to pass for male. It is important to me that female masculinity be recognized. There are times when this happens in situations in which another is treating me from a place (theirs) male privilege. Usually this is when I am with a femme, actually. If I allow this, I personally feel I am accepting traditional patriarchal male privilege which I detest.

Now, in situations in which there is possible violence, I don't do this. Although, I have to say that there is that part of me that continually scans for possible danger in most places. Here, it is all about homophobia (and/or transphobia as that can be another perception coming my way).

Yanno.... we just can't win for losing... A complex set of equations no matter how one looks at it. And a stressful equation all around.

[Enigma]

Thank you so much for starting this thread, Nat. The topics of passing and privilege are fascinating and fill my mind with questions about the phenomenon of discrimination, in whatever form it comes. It occurs to me that none of us are immune from prejudice, whether guilty of it ourselves or indicting others.

Jean Cocteau said that "all privilege leads directly to the guillotine". Like a mask, no matter how beautiful, the privilege of passing for something "other" obscures the true self. I think about that a lot. Passing may confer privileges but the beneficiary invariably pays, the amount dependent on the degree to which that passing aligns or is at odds with one's identity and the expectations of others. Whether the self is camouflaged by circumstance, perception or design, all the accolades, critiques and condemnation are based on a fiction. Attribution is given to the alter ego. If privilege is then "presumed" by either those in power or by those who are discriminated against, death of the self comes twice. Once because one is unknown and again when condemned for what one is not.

I recall a story about a man from the islands who was sold to a family for slave labor when he was an infant. He was never given a name, told his age nor spoken to. He recounted that the worst part of his struggle was not his servitude but his utter lack of an identity. His story of being unnamed and unknown reminds me of those who live invisible lives on the margins of acceptability. They are the blank slates upon which others' prejudices and projected self references are writ.

What of the complexities of passing and presumed extreme privilege bestowed upon one by nothing other than an accident of birth? How does one quiet the clamoring of the social climbers that surround those who remain hidden precisely because they want to be truly known? Those who want to be accepted for who they are outside the cliched conclusions about derivative power and protected from those who want it?

I know a girl whose appearance is at once both her truth and her disguise. She hides behind long flowing blonde hair, delicate features and a painfully shy demeanor from those, who if the truth of her birth were known, would be inauthentic themselves. Ironically, it is by passing for what she is not that she is able to truly be herself and discern the truth in others. Her blonde hair and fair skin hide the fact that her mother is a black celebrity. By hiding, she has a voyueristic view into the psyches and unadulterated prejudices of those around her. Her radiance and beauty is a disguise of sorts, too. It masks the loneliness she feels and she is glad for that.

Whether revered or reviled, the self is at least a foundation from which to interact with the world. But some are never seen or worse, denied legitimacy. Sometimes, members of the very communities that are trying to dismantle identity discrimination fall into defensive traps; policing perimeters based on a person's appearance and presumptions about their histories and character. This kind of 'profiling' risks belying not just the individual's truth but reinforces visible and stereotypical markers of all groups' conformities. The marginalized become perpetrators of that which they despise. How often the cruelest cuts come from those about whom one cares the most. So for some, passing can render them orphan of sorts, even when born to castes that are considered untouchable.

To actually exist to people other than oneself is the only way a person has even a hope of mutual regard. Without that, a connection may be intense but one-sided and like gravity, the influence profound but unseen. To what degree is one a slave to social mirrors? At what risk does one break them? What is the price of truth to oneself and others? Sometimes the truth has very grave consequences indeed and not just for the "passenger". I suspect the answer lies somewhere in the balance, on the scales upon which one measures cost and expresses or suppresses according to social perception, reflection and consequence. The answer lies in whether they and those around them can withstand the image shining back from the glass for the mirrors are held in not just their own but by so many other hands. If that mirror cracks and wounds are inflicted, whose hands bear the stains? What good is the chest-inflated pride of belonging if that membership is wielded in a way that causes collateral damage? Fire, whether friendly or not, can still destroy those with whom one shares the trenches.

One of my favorite stories of an insider's view of passing, privilege and the misdistribution of power is from the matriarch of a family who describes herself and her brood of thirteen children as "the league of nations of the hood". The parents have created a rainbow of colors and ethnic backgrounds for the children. Their mother says that separately they each pass for what they are not and are vulnerable in different ways. But together? She sighs with satisfaction and laughs. She says, "Together? When we walk down the street, everybody knows we are a FORCE".

I often think of her insight and words by which she truly lives. When we are together it is our differences that make us stronger.

[Kätzchen]

Dear Enigma,

I want to not let the opportunity pass to say that your words - the way your process complicated connections that intersect, intertwine and are deeply integrated in social settings as to identity, privilege, power, and a host of other processes - is beautifully stated and I feel enlightened and humbled and honored, as if all at once, to have partaken of the 'supper of manna' you have left for us to nourish our minds with.

*thank you so much*

~ALK

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

[SIZE="3"]When I was femme in lesbian/gay society, I did not feel privileged for passing (as a straight woman). I felt both invisible and estranged, as the community I was involved with was very andro. I was femme with the additional negative (in their eyes) of being attracted to butch women (mmm-mmm-mmm.) This led to frequent taunting and dismissal of my reality as a lesbian acivist.

I was at all times aware, however, that I had the privlege of revealing or not revealing my orientation when in a work or straight social situation. I was aware that I could choose safety if I felt I needed to, or that I could choose to avoid confrontation if was having a weak moment.

This was a privilege my butch friends and partners did not have. On the other hand, they did not have to deal with invisibility because people ASSUMED they were gay.

When my darling revealed his trans status to me, (I had known him for nine years at that time, and been in a relationship with him for two years.), I felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world. We had just moved to Cali (Long Beach) and found ourselves welcomed into a gay community which included many b-f people. I felt like I belonged for the first time in my life. I sobbed like a crazy woman when he told me.

I knew right from the first, however, that I would not leave him. I was his, he was mine, there was no separating us. As he eventually transitioned, I was surprised and shocked to see the difference in the way we were treated by the general public. We had never been mistreated in our preceeding orientation, but when seen as husband and wife we were welcomed into "the club".... the "normie" club. We were astonished at the difference ... and dismayed that this treatment was not given to people that had been identified as queerfolk.

1. A short list of privileges
   • Joint tax returns (actually we always filed joint, but as husband and wife were less likely to face hassles)
   • Shared work benefits - health insurance, life insurance, funeral leave for your partners relatives.
   • Able to apply for and be issued a marriage license (whether or not the state would have recognised the marriage were our status revealed
   • Able to adopt kids with both names on the birth certificate
   • Collect social security widows benefit
   • Hospital visitation with no hassle
   • Endless "family" memberships[/SIZE]

ALL of these privileges should be "normal" for everyone.
Smooches,
Keri

Absolutely and I smooch ya' back! One can experience some form of some kinds of privilege via passing. Yet, when it comes to legal status like what you list... forget it! Now if one lives in a country or state in which transpeople can legally transition as female or male, and do pass as that gender (transitioning is a long process with many options that one may or may not want to do- and not all transpeople are ever fully recognized as the gender of transition), they do gain access to privilege. IE., legal marriage, being treated as male in this society from society at large. However, what one internally does with privilege and behaves with it, is what is important to me.

I most certainly know het straight couples and cis men that do not use their privilege to oppress others. never have and never will. I have long-term close het couple friends and one FtM + straight woman that will not legally marry until same-sex marriage is the law of the land in the US. They have been together 35 years and 8 years, respectively. They have chosen as a matter of belief in civil liberties for all not to exercise their right to a legal privilege that I and others cannot. No, I am not knocking other people for their own personal choices about this, but, do appreciate the stand that these folks make and their personal sacrifice.

[Nat]

I found this an interesting read

Being able to pass is a privilege. Passing privilege means that others don’t grab my body or assistive devices, people I’ve never met don’t look at me with pity or disgust and I am less likely to face intrusive and upsetting questions. Those are amazing privileges that many of my fellows in the disability community don’t share with me. Passing privilege means that I am not watched suspiciously in stores, negative comments are not made about my features, white people feel comfortable to interact with me and strangers do not expect me to act as an example of what all people of my background are like. Those are incredible privileges that many of my background do not share.

First up, we must address the nature of passing. Sometimes it is active (one chooses to pass) and sometimes passive (one is passed). Sometimes it’s an interaction of expectation and experience, habit and circumstance. One cannot untangle one’s own efforts to pass or to not from the point of the idea of passing. That is, whether one passes or not is dependant on the outside observer. The whole idea of passing hinges not on what the (non)passer does, but on the observer’s response to that person. There’s an extent to which one can control it – and people have developed quite some techniques – but it’s not always a matter of choice as to whether to pass or not.

There’s a friction between passing and solidarity with one’s group. Those who can pass as being a member of a dominant group may miss out on many experiences and forms of discrimination that are held to be facets of that group’s commonalities. One of the main problems with passing is that in doing so an inequitable system is being held up (by those who pass others, by those choosing to pass). This is to say that passing supports the idea that equality, better treatment, is gained by melting into the dominant group. This is of course true, as is evident in, for instance, shifting definitions of whiteness; but one shouldn’t have to lose their own identity to the “good,” dominant identity in order to be dealt with well. We should work not until identities disappear but until they’re all okay to have.

That burden should be placed on those making the assumptions of – enforcing – default identities, not on the passers. Passers frequently report hostility from within their own groups, and accusations of not really being a member of their community from all sides. No one is less a member of the group for other people’s perceptions and it’s incredibly offensive to suggest otherwise. Passing is not always a choice; when it is, it’s presumptuous to resent someone for that and just outright wrong where safety is involved. How one deals with one’s own experiences of oppression is one’s own concern.

Being able to pass really messes with my head. I’ve frequent bouts of intense guilt about it, and I feel sick when people in my communities admire me for the features that make me more likely to pass (‘look at her beautiful skin.’ Increasingly I need to get the nearest bathroom and scrub and scrub where they grab my arm). Sometimes I don’t feel quite real or as though I’m cheating, an intruder in someone else’s identity. With regard to being disabled, this has some nasty consequences: in the past I’ve not gotten needs met, either because I can’t bear to out myself or because someone doesn’t quite think I’m truthful. Passing doesn’t mean I’m not struggling to remain standing while we’re talking. I struggle with passing and being passed. Sometimes I try and do it to feel safer (never safe) and lose my integrity. Sometimes I am passed, and it’s a mix of delight and loss and damage. Whatever I do, it’s never enough, I’m never enough.

Now I just mostly let people think what they will. The glowing effects largely disappear once I give off too many cues. Because so much of my identity, experience and expression is tied up with those of my identities that are invisible, the effects are frequently fleeting.

Being invisible doesn’t mean I face no discrimination but that I face less individualised discrimination in many contexts. Looking like I do has not prevented, upon the acknowledgement of my identity, looks of disgust, offensive remarks about my family, having to listen to racial hatred. It has not prevented the fear in me, the way I have not felt safe since I was a little girl. It has not prevented that I modify my dress, my speech, my movements, my stories in order to appear as “normal” as possible, just like anyone else trying to not face the wrath of whiteness. Attempting to invisibilise difference is hardly restricted to those of us who can pass.

The thing is, I’ve done everything. I’ve been loud and proud about my invisible identities. I’ve done my best to make them disappear. I’ve allowed myself to be passed, I’ve actively worked to pass. I’ve just been myself, I’ve made my identities explicit. At the end of all this anxiety and modification and thought and care, one thing remains constant: it’s the perceptions and actions of people in dominant bodies that count. When I pass, there’s still the weight of many manifestations of oppression on my shoulders. And irrespective of whether I pass or not, people outside of my groups still get to determine how I am treated and how I am perceived. There is no way to win.

[Mrs. Strutt]

I had the opportunity to think about this more over the past week after I commented on the other thread about having negative thoughts about privilege in light of my background.

My daughter and I drove to Gainesville, FL from the Tampa Bay area last Wednesday for my dad's surgery. When you live in a major metropolitan area in Florida, where life is associated with vacations, white sand beaches and the world's most famous mouse, it is easy to forget sometimes that Florida is in the South. The deep, deep South...a place where "different" is scarcely tolerated in certain areas.

As I entered more rural areas on my way to north Florida, the billboards and advertisements for Disney and waterfront living faded away to be replaced with common highway sights that can be found on any major interstate below the Mason-Dixon line: signs announcing ammunition for sale, Baptist/Pentacostal church advertisements exhorting passers-by to "Choose Life!", and "We Bare All!" billboards for truck stops featuring blondes that were more likely to be found in Beverly Hills, CA than in Beverly Hills, FL.

When I stopped for gas and some cold drinks, it occurred to me that Katie and I were attracting little notice: a woman and her child passing through, fellow travelers perhaps idly wondering as to the whereabouts of the husband that belonged to the rings on my left hand.

Had Mr. Strutt been with us, however, there would have been more than idle speculation. On our annual travels back to hys hometown in North Carolina, we have grown accustomed to looks and occasional raised eyebrows as those around us try to "figure it out." We have never felt threatened in any way, but the attitude is palpable and we have always taken precautions in the event that idle speculation ever becomes active threat.

So was the fact I "passed" as a straight woman a privilege in terms of "safety" for me and my child? Yes, it was. It also reminded me I can turn my "passing" on and off at will, for the reasons and situations I choose, while Mr. Strutt cannot.

Perhaps part of why I am uncomfortable with my "femme privilege" is because I do have that choice.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Mrs. Strutt,

Your post was fabulous.