Forgiveness

[IrishGrrl]

I used to have a much harder time forgiving. I would like to think I am much better at it now than ever before, but I"m not entirely sure that's true. I tend to easily forgive the small things, and the sometimes not so small stuff.
For me forgiveness is given in levels. How much preknowledge someone had about the hurt they were going to cause plays a big part in that. Even if they were well aware, I can forgive depending on how bad it was, and who the pain was inflicted on. I have a very low tolerance for pain inflicted on my children. I can forgive the small stuff usually, but if you cause them undue pain and heartache, that's where I draw the line. I can also forgive alot of things done to me personally, if the person really wasnt aware of the outcome. If you intentionally hurt me however then I"m done. I know myself much better now then I did say 10 yrs ago, and will not say I can forgive someone, when I know that in the long run I cannot. Also, for me there is a big difference in forgiveness, and second chances. I may not completely forgive you , but give you a second chance. Also, I have this little hang up about forgivness..you have to appologize and actually mean it. To me, that means not repeating the same behavior. And please, do not try to coddle me with an " I"m sorry you were hurt by ..." or.." I"m sorry you took it that way".
That's not an appology. That is putting it on my doorstep. That's not an "I'm sorry I did this thing, I was wrong". Big difference for me. Also, just because I forgive you , does not mean that I will forget it. It will stay in my mind forever most likely. It will also take me some time to get over it, and not feel gun shy with you, and please do not try to put a time limit on how long it should take . You arent me.

[julieisafemme]

Originally Posted by IrishGrrl

I used to have a much harder time forgiving. I would like to think I am much better at it now than ever before, but I"m not entirely sure that's true. I tend to easily forgive the small things, and the sometimes not so small stuff.
For me forgiveness is given in levels. How much preknowledge someone had about the hurt they were going to cause plays a big part in that. Even if they were well aware, I can forgive depending on how bad it was, and who the pain was inflicted on. I have a very low tolerance for pain inflicted on my children. I can forgive the small stuff usually, but if you cause them undue pain and heartache, that's where I draw the line. I can also forgive alot of things done to me personally, if the person really wasnt aware of the outcome. If you intentionally hurt me however then I"m done. I know myself much better now then I did say 10 yrs ago, and will not say I can forgive someone, when I know that in the long run I cannot. Also, for me there is a big difference in forgiveness, and second chances. I may not completely forgive you , but give you a second chance. Also, I have this little hang up about forgivness..you have to appologize and actually mean it. To me, that means not repeating the same behavior. And please, do not try to coddle me with an " I"m sorry you were hurt by ..." or.." I"m sorry you took it that way".
That's not an appology. That is putting it on my doorstep. That's not an "I'm sorry I did this thing, I was wrong". Big difference for me. Also, just because I forgive you , does not mean that I will forget it. It will stay in my mind forever most likely. It will also take me some time to get over it, and not feel gun shy with you, and please do not try to put a time limit on how long it should take . You arent me.

Excellent point in the bolded above.