Forgiveness

[Diva]

Originally Posted by Nat

1. What are your thoughts on forgiveness?
2. What does forgiveness mean to you?
3. What does it feel like to you?
4. Do you have methods or rituals of forgiveness?
5. Do you feel there are times when forgiveness is not an option?
6. Do you forgive frequently or rarely?
7. Do you forgive yourself?
8. Do you seek forgiveness for things you regret?
9. If you have kids or have young people in your life, what do/would you teach them about forgiveness?
10. Any other thoughts on forgiveness?

What a great, thought~provoking thread.....thank You, Nat.....

I'm just going to start by answering Your questions:

1. If I answer the other questions first, then You'll know what my thoughts are about forgiveness....

2. Forgiveness means (to me) a letting go of a wrong done to You (or someone You love. In my opinion, You can't say to someone (or in Your mind), "I forgive You, BUT...." That is not forgiveness if You must qualify it, anymore than someone saying, "I don't mean to be rude, BUT...." Well of COURSE they mean to be rude or they wouldn't have said it. Why can't we just say ~ outloud or to Yourself ~ "I forgive You." and let it stand?

3. Forgiveness feels like a big relief....a heavy weight lifted off of my heart. And the heaviness is caused (for me) by NOT forgiving. Sometimes, I cannot forgive right away. I know in my heart when I just cannot stand being tired from carryin' that weight around with me any longer.

4. Rituals? Not really....for me, it just happens when it happens.

5. Tough question!!!! For me, to NOT forgive~when I feel it is required of me by my Higher Power~is wrong. But that doesn't mean that I DO forgive always. It's very rare that I don't forgive, but I can think of 2 instances right now where I have not.....and it's not because I haven't tried. And having admitted that now is bringing tears to my eyes.

6. I forgive frequently. And I really do forget about it. I was blessed with that forgetful gene....which, in some cases, is VERY frustrating ~ to me and those who love/care for me. I will remember more things where *I* need to be forgiven more than the other way around.

7. Another good question......I'm better now at forgiving myself than I used to be. But then, I'm 57. I think aging has something to do with that. <smile> And for that, I am grateful to have finally learned that lesson!

8. I have...and I will continue to do so should I do something I regret. We are ~ after all ~ only human.

9. I do have a child......she has seen me forgive HER over and over and it has not marred my unconditional love for her ~ and she knows it....and I believe the best lesson I can teach her about forgiveness is for her to see it in action. I have also expressed to her how much energy it takes to NOT forgive....

10. The only thing I have to say is I feel it has become too cliche` for us to say "I forgive, but I don't forget," when , again to me personally, it seems that forgiveness is all about forgetting the offense. Let it go as quickly as You can. Too much energy, I'm tellin' Ya!

Again....in a perfect world, I would be able to practice what I 'preach'....and I do not always. But I do forgive most of the time. And most of the time, I do forget as well.....and I hope I am forgiven when I offend.

[Isadora]

Although, unlike Diva, I do not forget or forgive easily, I try hard not to feel guilty about it because in some ways it has fueled my activism in anti-violence, domestic violence and sexual assault survivor work.

Irish said:
"Also, I have this little hang up about forgiveness..you have to apologize and actually mean it. To me, that means not repeating the same behavior. And please, do not try to coddle me with an " I"m sorry you were hurt by ..." or.." I"m sorry you took it that way". That's not an apology. That is putting it on my doorstep."

I have sought and sincerely apologized for the behavior I was truly sorry for committing. I will not seek it for what I am not sorry for...like everyone said it would not be sincere and that is also hard to forgive. I remember one apology I got was a cell phone message that basically said "My Mistress said I should apologize to you." *laughs* Not even an apology.

I also would add to it "You really should not take it personally." Huh? Um, how ever should I take it? It is personal, everything is personal. I was hurt! I was lied to and about! I was beat! I was made to look crazy! It was very personal.

Again, this is one of my most vulnerable spots. One I constantly work on... *le sigh*

[Rockinonahigh]

Forgiveness,this is a hard one,on one hand a good thing to do but harder to do at times.I can forgive a lot of ppl for things cause u cant fix the stupid stuff ppl do that they dont thing will harm another..there brains arent wired to realise what they do.Do I foprgive the ex hubby that walked out on me with a 3yrold and me still 8 monts along with the second son to be with his partying trophy wife to be.That one took a loooonnnngg time,not so much for me as for the kids who should have had a dad in there lives and didnt..he didnt have the guts to be a dad so they were beter off.Do I forgive the parrents who abandond me as 18 months to split then move on with there lives married to other ppl raiseing other kids..no child suport from either ever.In my own way I have forgiven but forget, no.For a long time I grunged on all the wrongs I had to deal with and all they did was eat up my soul,give me stress,feeling of worthlessness beacuse of so much crap that I delt with with in my life from ppl who were hell bent to see me beat down.Over the last ten years I have done some soul serching and what ive done is, let it go.Its a heavy weight I dont need to cary,its over,done and in the past.Im a new me.I have learned the lessons well of serveing this life and this wil serve me well the rest of my life.