Forgiveness

princessbelle · 09-22-2010, 11:14 PM

I'm really tired tonight and not quite sure this will make a whole lot of sense...but, i've been thinking about this thread a lot and what i think and it's made me really look deep inside and try to articulate a response.

I have come to the conclusion that i can do one of two things when faced with someone who has wronged me.

I can forgive and forget. It depends on the person, the action and whether or not this person is someone I want to keep in my life or at least keeping that door open. It depends on their remorse or at least an acknowledgment of doing wrong. In doing that I can forgive their action whether it be one of haste, not thinking, anger, self centeredness, caty or just plain stupid. These actions i am willing to forgive and forget.

Or...

I can forget and not forgive. These are the situations in my life that people have passed through the portals on my journey only to bring harm, hurt, dishonesty, thinking they are better than, mental anguish and or physical abuse. I decided long ago that these people do not deserve my forgiveness and forgetting they exist is the best way for me to simply rise above their cause of suffering and gift myself with putting them out of my mind. I have learned i am totally capable of doing this. Closing a door on someone is forgetting them. Not dwelling on their behaviour or trying to figure it out is my way of coping. I will not take the energy to forgive them and I will not allow these types of people into my life....into my journey...into my head and heart. I close the door tight....they are forgotten but never forgiven.

rlin · 09-22-2010, 11:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

Or...

I can forget and not forgive. These are the situations in my life that people have passed through the portals on my journey only to bring harm, hurt, dishonesty, thinking they are better than, mental anguish and or physical abuse. I decided long ago that these people do not deserve my forgiveness and forgetting they exist is the best way for me to simply rise above their cause of suffering and gift myself with putting them out of my mind. I have learned i am totally capable of doing this. Closing a door on someone is forgetting them. Not dwelling on their behaviour or trying to figure it out is my way of coping. I will not take the energy to forgive them and I will not allow these types of people into my life....into my journey...into my head and heart. I close the door tight....they are forgotten but never forgiven.

belle...

this is pure genius... all my life i have of course heard the converse... to forgive but not forget... its obvious when you say this that you have it the correct way...
if i can forgive them...i may as well forget it... but if i cant forgive them... i damned sure owe it to myself to forget... why should i punish myself for something someone put on me? excellent premise...
i am a little tired myself... but... i had to tell you that i really admire this statement...
you are obviously a really smart lady...

b

DamonK · 09-23-2010, 12:08 AM

Forgiveness is a bitter thing for me.

I've done things I don't expect forgiveness for. Things have been done that I am unable to forgive.

I do believe in forgiveness. However I don't believe in forgetting. Inability to forget doesn't mean I hold a grudge. I don't think of the transgression every time the offender is seen. But the betrayal is remembered and things may change slightly to ensure that doesn't happen again. For example, I am lied to. From then on, I make take what that person says with a grain of salt.

A more extreme example... my abuser. He's forgiven. It's not forgotten. I will socialize with him, but I will avoid being alone with him for any extended period of time.

For me.. sometimes the overall person outweighs the betrayal.

However, I never forgive for them. I do it so it doesn't eat me alive.

Sachita · 09-23-2010, 03:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

I'm really tired tonight and not quite sure this will make a whole lot of sense...but, i've been thinking about this thread a lot and what i think and it's made me really look deep inside and try to articulate a response.

I have come to the conclusion that i can do one of two things when faced with someone who has wronged me.

I can forgive and forget. It depends on the person, the action and whether or not this person is someone I want to keep in my life or at least keeping that door open. It depends on their remorse or at least an acknowledgment of doing wrong. In doing that I can forgive their action whether it be one of haste, not thinking, anger, self centeredness, caty or just plain stupid. These actions i am willing to forgive and forget.

Or...

I can forget and not forgive. These are the situations in my life that people have passed through the portals on my journey only to bring harm, hurt, dishonesty, thinking they are better than, mental anguish and or physical abuse. I decided long ago that these people do not deserve my forgiveness and forgetting they exist is the best way for me to simply rise above their cause of suffering and gift myself with putting them out of my mind. I have learned i am totally capable of doing this. Closing a door on someone is forgetting them. Not dwelling on their behaviour or trying to figure it out is my way of coping. I will not take the energy to forgive them and I will not allow these types of people into my life....into my journey...into my head and heart. I close the door tight....they are forgotten but never forgiven.

We are a like on this. It really depends on the person and situation. There is a certain level of deception I find insane and if I encounter it I forget. Forgiving isnt anywhere in the equation. I simple shut the door and try to put it out of my mind. Ok, maybe I dwell on it a few days wondering WTF and try to figure out why I attracted such nonsense into my life in the first place. I try and grasp the lesson, if there is one and forget.

Then you have forgive, let go but never forget.

I have people in my life today I forgive over and over. Someone might thing its crazy but I know the essence of that human isnt bad and they just cant help themselves. I put it in a whole different perspective but at the same time I never let them get too close to me because then its an issue of trust.

It took me a long time to forgive myself on some things but I did.

09-22-2010, 11:14 PM	#1
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,496 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I'm really tired tonight and not quite sure this will make a whole lot of sense...but, i've been thinking about this thread a lot and what i think and it's made me really look deep inside and try to articulate a response. I have come to the conclusion that i can do one of two things when faced with someone who has wronged me. I can forgive and forget. It depends on the person, the action and whether or not this person is someone I want to keep in my life or at least keeping that door open. It depends on their remorse or at least an acknowledgment of doing wrong. In doing that I can forgive their action whether it be one of haste, not thinking, anger, self centeredness, caty or just plain stupid. These actions i am willing to forgive and forget. Or... I can forget and not forgive. These are the situations in my life that people have passed through the portals on my journey only to bring harm, hurt, dishonesty, thinking they are better than, mental anguish and or physical abuse. I decided long ago that these people do not deserve my forgiveness and forgetting they exist is the best way for me to simply rise above their cause of suffering and gift myself with putting them out of my mind. I have learned i am totally capable of doing this. Closing a door on someone is forgetting them. Not dwelling on their behaviour or trying to figure it out is my way of coping. I will not take the energy to forgive them and I will not allow these types of people into my life....into my journey...into my head and heart. I close the door tight....they are forgotten but never forgiven. __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

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09-23-2010, 12:08 AM	#3
DamonK Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: May 2010 Location: . Posts: 2,199 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,527 Thanked 7,762 Times in 1,881 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Forgiveness is a bitter thing for me. I've done things I don't expect forgiveness for. Things have been done that I am unable to forgive. I do believe in forgiveness. However I don't believe in forgetting. Inability to forget doesn't mean I hold a grudge. I don't think of the transgression every time the offender is seen. But the betrayal is remembered and things may change slightly to ensure that doesn't happen again. For example, I am lied to. From then on, I make take what that person says with a grain of salt. A more extreme example... my abuser. He's forgiven. It's not forgotten. I will socialize with him, but I will avoid being alone with him for any extended period of time. For me.. sometimes the overall person outweighs the betrayal. However, I never forgive for them. I do it so it doesn't eat me alive.