Making Peace with Exes

princessbelle · 09-23-2010, 03:35 PM

Interesting.....

I have found it both ways....being friends with an ex or not having contact at all and it depends on several things for me....given the situation and how the breakup was handled and why it happened to begin with.

Most of my exes i don't have to deal with, i don't have to see, i don't have to think about and some have not been forgiven by perhaps what they did to be my ex to begin with. Those people are just forgotten by me and no longer exist in my world by my choice or by theirs...don't matter, they are simply gone.

However, there are a couple that I want to remain friends with. Why? cause i simply adore them. Maybe it didn't work out on the romantic side either for lack of connection or timing or whatever. Different reasons each but, that doesn't mean that I want to block them from my world if they are receptive with it in return. I enjoy a couple of friendships with exes but I do believe, in my experience, that it takes time to get to that point and things have to come full circle and those hurt feelings have to heal. But when they do and you can talk with someone that you have feelings for whatever those feelings may be...it is a true gift to you both. Boundries have to be set and hearts have to be protected...but it's a blessing when it happens...imo.

Oiler41 · 09-23-2010, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princessbelle

Interesting.....

I have found it both ways....being friends with an ex or not having contact at all and it depends on several things for me....given the situation and how the breakup was handled and why it happened to begin with.

I agree with this completely. How a break up is handled is a HUGE indication of character and can often tell you whether or not you misplaced your trust to begin with; we are talking about an ex after all, and they are an ex for some reason.

I have a couple of exes that I'm still friends with, a couple that I don't keep in touch with but know there is no reason we couldn't be friends if we wanted to, and a couple that I wouldn't spit on if they were on fire (as much as I hate to say that, it is the truth and I value honesty).

Break-ups happen. We have all been there. In my opinion, the hope of one day developing and possibly maintaining a friendship with an ex all depends on just as you indicated,,what caused the break-up to begin with (although I will be the first to admit, each person plays some role in a break-up; its rarely one sided) and how the break-up was handled, meaning handle it with integrity, be fair in your dealings with each other, and basically, just do what is right. With a little soul searching, no matter the situation, it is usually not all that difficult to ascertain what is "right". Just my opinion mind you.

Glynn, who is happily married and glad I never have to worry about a break-up again!

Glenn · 09-23-2010, 05:33 PM

I've never thrown the hail mary pass, and i don't have any x's sitting around the bull-pen. Furthermore, I've learned not to return to the stable of losers.

katsarecool · 11-07-2010, 03:41 PM

Most of my relationships ended at my end and most of them are not at all interested in being friends. I would wish it to be otherwise as said here by some there was something special that brought us together in the first place. I have always made the offer of friendship after a decent interval and am satisfied that I did make that offer. I am still friends with one ex and I cannot imagine never loving her in the most special and private way.

WolfyOne · 11-07-2010, 04:13 PM

I happen to have a few ex's I've kept in contact with one way or another.

In fact, I just moved out of a house my ex and I shared. She ended the relationship, but not for any reasons anyone could imagine. She has chosen a spiritual path and wants to give her life to our creator. I didn't lose her to another person, I lost her to God. It's been quite hard for me, but I understand. We'll always maintain a friendship because she really is a good friend and cares about others like no one I ever met. I learned from her about wanting to be the best person I could possibly be. She has been my best friend for years now and going into a religious order won't change that. We fight, we make up, we've laughed and cried together. Isn't that part of what being friends is about? Rediscovering me and healing my heart doesn't mean we can't continue as friends.

I have a couple other ex's I keep in touch with via email as they both have children I happen to adore. With one, it took years to even get to a point where we could even be pleasant in emails, but time, distance and age has finally changed that. Another one I talk to twice a year, on her birthday I call her and she calls me on mine. It's something neither of us forget and have been doing it for 20 years.

Ex or not, they come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. I'm thankful for those that have entered my life because it helped me learn more about myself. Sometimes relationships work better and last longer when you live apart. Maybe that's the reason some people can keep ex's as friends.

Nat · 11-07-2010, 04:39 PM

I'm friends with the majority of my exes, but not all. I think I've been lucky that most of my relationships have been mutually respectful and supportive and the breakups have kept that tone.

There are a few where friendship wasn't possible.

I don't hang out regularly with any of my exes, but we keep tabs on each other. Occasional texts or emails or calls, a few facebook friends. Just check-ins to make sure each other are okay.

DomnNC · 11-07-2010, 08:28 PM

I have to agree with the concept that it just depends on why the relationship ended. If it was an issue where a trust was violated, then no, I don't keep people in my life that I cannot trust.

There are a couple I talk to on the phone to catch up on our lives, maybe, depending on if I feel like dealing with trying to hear on the phone, lol. (Those that have spoken to me on the phone know the reason for that).

Of those left, I think I would call them an aquaintance now, after all, years would have passed, people change, so you really don't "know" them anymore. If I see them out and about, I'm cordial, ask them how things are going, etcetcetc, maybe, lol. But have them over to my house to sit down and visit for a spell, no, I wouldn't put that awkwardness on my wife (at that time).

09-23-2010, 03:35 PM	#1
princessbelle Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme ones Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tennessee Posts: 6,100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,380 Thanked 30,497 Times in 5,198 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Interesting..... I have found it both ways....being friends with an ex or not having contact at all and it depends on several things for me....given the situation and how the breakup was handled and why it happened to begin with. Most of my exes i don't have to deal with, i don't have to see, i don't have to think about and some have not been forgiven by perhaps what they did to be my ex to begin with. Those people are just forgotten by me and no longer exist in my world by my choice or by theirs...don't matter, they are simply gone. However, there are a couple that I want to remain friends with. Why? cause i simply adore them. Maybe it didn't work out on the romantic side either for lack of connection or timing or whatever. Different reasons each but, that doesn't mean that I want to block them from my world if they are receptive with it in return. I enjoy a couple of friendships with exes but I do believe, in my experience, that it takes time to get to that point and things have to come full circle and those hurt feelings have to heal. But when they do and you can talk with someone that you have feelings for whatever those feelings may be...it is a true gift to you both. Boundries have to be set and hearts have to be protected...but it's a blessing when it happens...imo. __________________ ~ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou

11-07-2010, 03:41 PM	#4
katsarecool Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Woman Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Between Athens and Atlanta, Georgia Posts: 1,236 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,849 Thanked 1,765 Times in 734 Posts Rep Power: 323367	Most of my relationships ended at my end and most of them are not at all interested in being friends. I would wish it to be otherwise as said here by some there was something special that brought us together in the first place. I have always made the offer of friendship after a decent interval and am satisfied that I did make that offer. I am still friends with one ex and I cannot imagine never loving her in the most special and private way. __________________

11-07-2010, 04:13 PM	#5
WolfyOne Magically Delicious How Do You Identify?: Gentle Butch Relationship Status: Single and content Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 6,558 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22,052 Thanked 15,390 Times in 4,137 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I happen to have a few ex's I've kept in contact with one way or another. In fact, I just moved out of a house my ex and I shared. She ended the relationship, but not for any reasons anyone could imagine. She has chosen a spiritual path and wants to give her life to our creator. I didn't lose her to another person, I lost her to God. It's been quite hard for me, but I understand. We'll always maintain a friendship because she really is a good friend and cares about others like no one I ever met. I learned from her about wanting to be the best person I could possibly be. She has been my best friend for years now and going into a religious order won't change that. We fight, we make up, we've laughed and cried together. Isn't that part of what being friends is about? Rediscovering me and healing my heart doesn't mean we can't continue as friends. I have a couple other ex's I keep in touch with via email as they both have children I happen to adore. With one, it took years to even get to a point where we could even be pleasant in emails, but time, distance and age has finally changed that. Another one I talk to twice a year, on her birthday I call her and she calls me on mine. It's something neither of us forget and have been doing it for 20 years. Ex or not, they come into our lives for a reason, season or lifetime. I'm thankful for those that have entered my life because it helped me learn more about myself. Sometimes relationships work better and last longer when you live apart. Maybe that's the reason some people can keep ex's as friends. __________________ Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage --- Lao Tzo

11-07-2010, 04:39 PM	#6
Nat Senior Member How Do You Identify?: bigender (DID System) Preferred Pronoun?: he/him or alter-specific Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Central TX Posts: 3,537 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,047 Thanked 13,963 Times in 2,589 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I'm friends with the majority of my exes, but not all. I think I've been lucky that most of my relationships have been mutually respectful and supportive and the breakups have kept that tone. There are a few where friendship wasn't possible. I don't hang out regularly with any of my exes, but we keep tabs on each other. Occasional texts or emails or calls, a few facebook friends. Just check-ins to make sure each other are okay. __________________ I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl

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09-23-2010, 05:33 PM	#3
Glenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Ol butch bones. Preferred Pronoun?: Old thing Relationship Status: Too old to play. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: :rolleyes: Posts: 1,547 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,602 Thanked 3,729 Times in 1,095 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I've never thrown the hail mary pass, and i don't have any x's sitting around the bull-pen. Furthermore, I've learned not to return to the stable of losers.

11-07-2010, 08:28 PM	#7
DomnNC Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Male Preferred Pronoun?: He/Him Relationship Status: Widow Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Permanently Banned 11/15/2011 Posts: 1,223 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,618 Thanked 2,582 Times in 837 Posts Rep Power: 0	I have to agree with the concept that it just depends on why the relationship ended. If it was an issue where a trust was violated, then no, I don't keep people in my life that I cannot trust. There are a couple I talk to on the phone to catch up on our lives, maybe, depending on if I feel like dealing with trying to hear on the phone, lol. (Those that have spoken to me on the phone know the reason for that). Of those left, I think I would call them an aquaintance now, after all, years would have passed, people change, so you really don't "know" them anymore. If I see them out and about, I'm cordial, ask them how things are going, etcetcetc, maybe, lol. But have them over to my house to sit down and visit for a spell, no, I wouldn't put that awkwardness on my wife (at that time).