PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Jet]

I haven't been in here for quite sometime. I'd like you all to know that the end is in sight. Due to the nature of my ordeal, I can't go into to details, but I can tell you that one the biggest obstacles to overcome was fear. Unbelievable how much fear existed and how much it dominated by life. I ran from my life—my very person and ended up living on auto-pilot. The denial and suppressed feelings was so great that I never saw my physical changes as I aged or how much had I lost which was just about everything. I lost friends, material things and my livelihood.

It has taken 22 months to face and overcome my fears. First, I had to admit that something terrible had to be faced in my life. If I didn't face the inevitable, I would be running in circles as I had done all along as a way to avert or sidestep the ordeal. So I got on the right medicine so I could operate normally day to day, and help with the anxiety of facing what happened.

Secondly, I had to break it down into baby steps so I could move through the event. As I did this, it felt as though pieces were surfing which helped to alleviate the pressure in my chest. I felt that something was going to blow from the inside. The reason is because I had suppressed so much to the point were feelings and fears felt "impacted." The body can only take so much psychologically, physiologically and neurologically and I had suffered all three for...18 years. I felt absolutely powerless in facing the event, so baby steps were key in processing what happened.

Third, I had to feel the feelings and allow them to surface and get out of my system. I call it being unchained. I've had to move through fear and anger and so much negativity.


Now, as I type this, I've regained long term memory and let go of so much anger. This is a daily occurance. How beautiful to feel again and experience the person I am. Nothing is hidden anymore. It's a fall, my favorite season, and I am present within myself as my trauma continues to leave me.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Dragonfly

I'm sure I'm not the only one who comes here to read and find a little comfort in knowing you're not alone... So don't feel alone when the posting slows. I'm at the worst stage of getting to know someone, dating, when it comes to ptsd. Not just because of thinking about having to tell someone new ... Which is huge enough... But also because for me relationships themselves are a big part of what I struggle with. Abuse, physical and mental, is always there in the back of your mind ya know...? Being rushed or pushed or even yes, too liked, scares the holy crap right out of me... I don't have much else to add on it but I think many of you know exactly what its like. The worst feeling of all is knowing that what is supposed to be wonderful and joyful for so many people is just filled with unfair feelings like paranoia and panic. Its like the more I care the more afraid I get... And I have to fight the urge to run in the opposite direction... Caus I know that once I fall in love I can't stop myself from sticking it out waaay too long in so many cases. I'm getting back into counceling cause I really need outside perspective...

I totally get what you are saying. being around someone new intimately makes me feel vulnerable and there is not way for them to know my triggers, so I have ended up freaked out a lot in the past.

To be vulnerable at all makes me want to scream.

I have found that if someone ios not willing to work with you on your PTSD issues, they are not good enough for you!

Best of luck, I hope things calm down for you!

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Jet

I haven't been in here for quite sometime. I'd like you all to know that the end is in sight. Due to the nature of my ordeal, I can't go into to details, but I can tell you that one the biggest obstacles to overcome was fear. Unbelievable how much fear existed and how much it dominated by life. I ran from my life—my very person and ended up living on auto-pilot. The denial and suppressed feelings was so great that I never saw my physical changes as I aged or how much had I lost which was just about everything. I lost friends, material things and my livelihood.

It has taken 22 months to face and overcome my fears. First, I had to admit that something terrible had to be faced in my life. If I didn't face the inevitable, I would be running in circles as I had done all along as a way to avert or sidestep the ordeal. So I got on the right medicine so I could operate normally day to day, and help with the anxiety of facing what happened.

Secondly, I had to break it down into baby steps so I could move through the event. As I did this, it felt as though pieces were surfing which helped to alleviate the pressure in my chest. I felt that something was going to blow from the inside. The reason is because I had suppressed so much to the point were feelings and fears felt "impacted." The body can only take so much psychologically, physiologically and neurologically and I had suffered all three for...18 years. I felt absolutely powerless in facing the event, so baby steps were key in processing what happened.

Third, I had to feel the feelings and allow them to surface and get out of my system. I call it being unchained. I've had to move through fear and anger and so much negativity.


Now, as I type this, I've regained long term memory and let go of so much anger. This is a daily occurance. How beautiful to feel again and experience the person I am. Nothing is hidden anymore. It's a fall, my favorite season, and I am present within myself as my trauma continues to leave me.

So glad things are better! I know it's been a looong journey.

Letting go of the anger is proving very healing for me too! It is so difficult though.

Again, you sound so much better! yeay!

[Dragonfly]

So it really helped me and I wanted to share this maybe help someone else too.
The thought or realization that the other person is coming to the table with their own things, that even possibly similar experiences and yes sometimes even ptsd too.
No matter what you end up discovering along the way, realizing its a cooperative effort therefore you sarent all alone in the fear department... Thinking of the other person and allowing them the chance to be supportive and understanding can also break the ice for that person to share thiers with you...

Looking forward to the next time we can take chances together... Lol