Internalized Homophobia

[KatieStar]

Originally Posted by Gemme

I remember feeling very uneasy for a while when I was coming to terms with my sexuality. I suppose I took the loing, scenic way around though. Straight to straight to...oh, look a whooopsie...to straight to maybe I'm bi to I'm bi to what's this...to oh, look, this is who I am.

Peachy.

Except that wasn't the end of it. Every now and then a feeling pops up and I have to examine and acknowledge it and deal with it accordingly. I'm not sure if I will ever be 100% free from the i.h. thoughts, but I definitely deal with them in a more appropriate way now that I am older and, hopefully, wiser.

Gemme, I can tell you I did the exact same thing for years. I was in a straight relationship that was on again off again for seven years. During all those off again moments - never did I find myself interested in another straight man. I'd always find a gay fling or two to involve myself in until the fear would take over and I'd find myself falling back on my comfy, cozy (yet, completely miserable) straight relationship. After leaving that relationship for good I started coming to terms with who I am and what I want/need from my partner.
Two years after leaving said relationship... I am happier and more comfortable with who and what I am than I ever have been. I'm more out today than I ever imagined I was capable of being, including in the workplace. It's very empowering to finally feel like I'm in control of my fear