Scaring straight women.. rawwrrr... lol

Soon · 05-29-2011, 07:40 PM

I can't believe this just happened to me about three or so weeks ago. I have been trying to put it words.

I am out to only a select few (LIKE TWO) people at work for various reasons.

So, when I came out to my friend about four or five months ago...she seemed to handle it ok. She had been involved in LGBT initiatives in our workplace etc...

About a month ago, I am talking to her about her wedding. She has been WAITING (ahem) for over three years for this dude to propose to her. So, here I am, all getting into it for her--talking about locations, dresses, etc. She really appreciated it b/c many friends were lost during a certain time in her life...enough said on that.

Anyway, we are driving in her car and I just HAPPENED to ask about her fiancee's roommate--I asked nothing except, "Oh, how does she feel about the wedding; did you and your fiancee tell her that she will have to move out? " etc. etc.

OUT OF THE BLUE: She says to me, "Well, I would introduce you to her (I DID NOT ASK TO BE!), but she is ...ummm....pause...."

My mind was at a loss.

Then it hit me.

I said to my friend, "Oh, is she a lesbian?"

Friend: (verbatim practically!): "Yes, and I wouldn't want to be the one who destroyed your marriage."

So..............b/c she found out I was queer, ANY woman was suspect--that I would FALL into bed with them and she would be responsible!

I can't even tell you how I reacted at this point except to say...I DIED. AND TRIED to make her understand...it goes on from there...

yep. as soon as i come out to ONE person, that is what happened. nice.

--------------------------

starryeyes · 05-31-2011, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow

I can't believe this just happened to me about three or so weeks ago. I have been trying to put it words.

I am out to only a select few (LIKE TWO) people at work for various reasons.

So, when I came out to my friend about four or five months ago...she seemed to handle it ok. She had been involved in LGBT initiatives in our workplace etc...

About a month ago, I am talking to her about her wedding. She has been WAITING (ahem) for over three years for this dude to propose to her. So, here I am, all getting into it for her--talking about locations, dresses, etc. She really appreciated it b/c many friends were lost during a certain time in her life...enough said on that.

Anyway, we are driving in her car and I just HAPPENED to ask about her fiancee's roommate--I asked nothing except, "Oh, how does she feel about the wedding; did you and your fiancee tell her that she will have to move out? " etc. etc.

OUT OF THE BLUE: She says to me, "Well, I would introduce you to her (I DID NOT ASK TO BE!), but she is ...ummm....pause...."

My mind was at a loss.

Then it hit me.

I said to my friend, "Oh, is she a lesbian?"

Friend: (verbatim practically!): "Yes, and I wouldn't want to be the one who destroyed your marriage."

So..............b/c she found out I was queer, ANY woman was suspect--that I would FALL into bed with them and she would be responsible!

I can't even tell you how I reacted at this point except to say...I DIED. AND TRIED to make her understand...it goes on from there...

yep. as soon as i come out to ONE person, that is what happened. nice.

--------------------------

Sorry you had to experience this from a friend. They are supposed to be the people that you trust, and it obviously backfired! This is ridiculous. From what I have gathered, people get afraid and go into "protection" mode because they do not understand.

I have even done this in my community... specifically with a butch who was into the leather community (something I knew nothing about!). I did some of the same things as stated above, asked stupid questions, was guarded, etc. It wasn't until we talked about it more, understood that she wasn't going to whip me, or force me into some satanic play (lol) that I realized I was just judging her off assumptions. Now, I have met one of the most wonderful, caring, sweet and amazing butches ever!! I am glad she didn't write me off immediately and gave me a chance! Education and conversation are definitely important!!

Just my thought for the day!

smouldering · 05-31-2011, 06:47 PM

This has happened to me a few times... As soon as a straight woman or a guy finds out that I am queer.. suddenly I am either a "challenge" or the woman is offended im not attracted to them or in one rare occasion I suddenly felt like a stripper pole

..
the only people who seem to know that I am queer are Butches.. but that may have something to do with the "hungry like a wolf" look I give them? *laughs*

starryeyes · 05-31-2011, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smouldering

This has happened to me a few times... As soon as a straight woman or a guy finds out that I am queer.. suddenly I am either a "challenge" or the woman is offended im not attracted to them or in one rare occasion I suddenly felt like a stripper pole

..
the only people who seem to know that I am queer are Butches.. but that may have something to do with the "hungry like a wolf" look I give them? *laughs*

LOL!!! love it.. :-D I know the feelings... butches... rawwr... Maybe us femmes can start scaring some butches.... in a good way, of course!! LOL

smouldering · 06-01-2011, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starryeyes

LOL!!! love it.. :-D I know the feelings... butches... rawwr... Maybe us femmes can start scaring some butches.... in a good way, of course!! LOL

I am totally game!! lol

swan · 06-19-2011, 11:20 PM

One of the funniest/saddest straight moments for me was when I accidentally came out to a friend of mine. We weren't super close friends, but we're okay. You know, wouldn't invite her over for movie night, but we hang together sometimes when we see each other at work functions and friend's parties and such. I was out with a couple of my gay male friends and went to a drag queen show at a gay bar. When we left the bar and were walking down the street the car, I hear "Swan! Hey Swanee! Hey Swan!" and I look up and here she comes.

She hugs me, gets all gushy and then she says "I wasn't sure it was you because I saw you come come out of That Bar with the guys!" I introduced her around and she realized all the men in the group were queer.

The next day at work, she says "It was weird seeing you with all the gay dudes, how come they let you hang with them?" I said "well, I checked "other" in the Penis box on my application and they let me in. They don't care, as long as you're still queer."

She looks me up and down and says "But you look like a girl! I would've never guessed you're a lesbian."

Really? Girly girls can't be gay unless they're Femmy Gay Men? We have to all be KD Lang or Ellen types?

She's nice enough and not intentionallly offensive, just kind of ignorant and she has a faulty brain/mouth filter, so she asks the most outrageously funny/weird/sad questions about "What it's like to be one of you". I find myself avoiding her sometimes because I find it difficult to deal with her when I have to be the Tour Guide on the Gay Safari Tour of Planet Gay. I wish she'd just forget about my sexuality and go back to being her ditzy clueless self. When she realized I was avoiding her, her feelings were hurt. She couldn't decide if it was because I wanted to date her or not. When I explained to her that I generally don't go for the Girly Girls, and I NEVER go for straight ones, she wasn't offended or anything. She just said "yeah, it's easier to get a date when you stick with your own kind." Again, not intentionally offensive but I couldn't believe that came out of her mouth. She's one of those people who's going to be a teenager until she's 80.

Starrynightaw · 06-20-2011, 06:06 PM

I think the scariest moment to me was when I told my best friend at that time I was Queer. She seemed completely okay... til she realized what it meant. You would have thought I saw I slapped her mother how she acted. Now I realize it was fear, for her to not know anything and never be around anyone other than straight friends she had no idea how to handle what I said. Now when I tell someone, I am sure to explain anything so we both don't freak out.

TxBelle · 06-20-2011, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swan

She looks me up and down and says "But you look like a girl! I would've never guessed you're a lesbian."

Really? Girly girls can't be gay unless they're Femmy Gay Men? We have to all be KD Lang or Ellen types?

.

I get this all the time! But you look so 'normal'. I do my nails, have long hair, often wear make-up, and dresses... I am normal, I just happen to normally like butches!

ValKyrie · 06-08-2012, 11:00 PM

My best friends husband is terrified that I'm going to "steal" her away from him, now that they know I'm gay. I told him, "honey, I don't have the same taste in women as you do." Gah!

swan · 06-21-2011, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by swan

Really? Girly girls can't be gay unless they're Femmy Gay Men? We have to all be KD Lang or Ellen types?

Note: this was not intended as a slam towards KD Lang or Ellen, or their "types"... I happen to think they're all Hottie McHottersons...

imperfect_cupcake · 06-21-2011, 12:29 PM

ugh god. this has happened plenty of times. Though I'm pretty vocal about being a big ol queer, I still have people suddenly reacting like "WHAT? you... omg." and getting angry about because I snuck past their radar for five minutes. Like I invaded some inner sanctum as a destructive spy. The other part is when later, they come on to you after a few drinks. gosh, that's fun.

Tbh, I get more comming onto me that being horrified. But they get really insulted when you aren't interested. Though one friend when she grabbed me in an alleyway and snogged the hell out of me (????!!! eh. ok. I'll wait for it to stop) when she finished I couldn't help but burst out laughing. She got a little indignant and said "WHAT?"
"oh c'mon, s, this is completely ridiculous, don't be silly. lets go back in and get another beer."

I think by far the worst has been when I was in some cabins when I was doing field research. I was in a room with 7 other girls. One was a navy gal who was serving part time and doing part time studies. When she found out I was lesbian (not like I *hid it* I openly talked about my partner at the time) she refused to get changed around me. To their benefit most of the other girls just rolled their eyes at her but some took up the same vigilant stance.

I came in once, to hose off after being in the mangrove swamp and she was in her jungle stained cotton sweaty knickers and she covered herself and *screamed*. I recall yelling "oh for god's sake. you wouldn't be my type if you were the last one alive" and sat down. She got all upset I was still there and went into the bathroom.

I left and I went into the court yard and bitched about it to one of my colleagues I was getting along with who stayed in a small two floor cabin. four guys on the bottom, four girls on the top. She said "oh. well that sucks. why don't you come and stay in our cabin? We're the naked bisexual cabin. we don't give a shit." That was SO nice. So I went and stayed with them.

and I became very good mates with the guys downstairs. it was a very happy ending indeed.

05-29-2011, 07:40 PM	#1
Soon Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: attached Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: . Posts: 6,896 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,046 Thanked 13,092 Times in 3,386 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I can't believe this just happened to me about three or so weeks ago. I have been trying to put it words. I am out to only a select few (LIKE TWO) people at work for various reasons. So, when I came out to my friend about four or five months ago...she seemed to handle it ok. She had been involved in LGBT initiatives in our workplace etc... About a month ago, I am talking to her about her wedding. She has been WAITING (ahem) for over three years for this dude to propose to her. So, here I am, all getting into it for her--talking about locations, dresses, etc. She really appreciated it b/c many friends were lost during a certain time in her life...enough said on that. Anyway, we are driving in her car and I just HAPPENED to ask about her fiancee's roommate--I asked nothing except, "Oh, how does she feel about the wedding; did you and your fiancee tell her that she will have to move out? " etc. etc. OUT OF THE BLUE: She says to me, "Well, I would introduce you to her (I DID NOT ASK TO BE!), but she is ...ummm....pause...." My mind was at a loss. Then it hit me. I said to my friend, "Oh, is she a lesbian?" Friend: (verbatim practically!): "Yes, and I wouldn't want to be the one who destroyed your marriage." So..............b/c she found out I was queer, ANY woman was suspect--that I would FALL into bed with them and she would be responsible! I can't even tell you how I reacted at this point except to say...I DIED. AND TRIED to make her understand...it goes on from there... yep. as soon as i come out to ONE person, that is what happened. nice. -------------------------- Last edited by Soon; 05-29-2011 at 07:48 PM.

05-31-2011, 06:47 PM	#3
smouldering Member How Do You Identify?: Punky girly girl, glittery femme Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, etc. Relationship Status: Single, Recovering Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Ohio Posts: 1,288 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,306 Thanked 3,974 Times in 924 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	This has happened to me a few times... As soon as a straight woman or a guy finds out that I am queer.. suddenly I am either a "challenge" or the woman is offended im not attracted to them or in one rare occasion I suddenly felt like a stripper pole .. the only people who seem to know that I am queer are Butches.. but that may have something to do with the "hungry like a wolf" look I give them? laughs __________________ ~~Smouldering~~ Suit the action to the word, the word to the action. ~William Shakespeare

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06-19-2011, 11:20 PM	#6
swan Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: I see cactus... all around.... Posts: 225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 583 Thanked 727 Times in 198 Posts Rep Power: 10751733	One of the funniest/saddest straight moments for me was when I accidentally came out to a friend of mine. We weren't super close friends, but we're okay. You know, wouldn't invite her over for movie night, but we hang together sometimes when we see each other at work functions and friend's parties and such. I was out with a couple of my gay male friends and went to a drag queen show at a gay bar. When we left the bar and were walking down the street the car, I hear "Swan! Hey Swanee! Hey Swan!" and I look up and here she comes. She hugs me, gets all gushy and then she says "I wasn't sure it was you because I saw you come come out of That Bar with the guys!" I introduced her around and she realized all the men in the group were queer. The next day at work, she says "It was weird seeing you with all the gay dudes, how come they let you hang with them?" I said "well, I checked "other" in the Penis box on my application and they let me in. They don't care, as long as you're still queer." She looks me up and down and says "But you look like a girl! I would've never guessed you're a lesbian." Really? Girly girls can't be gay unless they're Femmy Gay Men? We have to all be KD Lang or Ellen types? She's nice enough and not intentionallly offensive, just kind of ignorant and she has a faulty brain/mouth filter, so she asks the most outrageously funny/weird/sad questions about "What it's like to be one of you". I find myself avoiding her sometimes because I find it difficult to deal with her when I have to be the Tour Guide on the Gay Safari Tour of Planet Gay. I wish she'd just forget about my sexuality and go back to being her ditzy clueless self. When she realized I was avoiding her, her feelings were hurt. She couldn't decide if it was because I wanted to date her or not. When I explained to her that I generally don't go for the Girly Girls, and I NEVER go for straight ones, she wasn't offended or anything. She just said "yeah, it's easier to get a date when you stick with your own kind." Again, not intentionally offensive but I couldn't believe that came out of her mouth. She's one of those people who's going to be a teenager until she's 80.

06-20-2011, 06:06 PM	#7
Starrynightaw Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme. Queer. Submissive. Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Girl, Honey :) Relationship Status: Single! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Southern Alabama, But I can also be found in surrounding areas. (Travel Alot) Posts: 89 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11 Thanked 168 Times in 55 Posts Rep Power: 745056	I think the scariest moment to me was when I told my best friend at that time I was Queer. She seemed completely okay... til she realized what it meant. You would have thought I saw I slapped her mother how she acted. Now I realize it was fear, for her to not know anything and never be around anyone other than straight friends she had no idea how to handle what I said. Now when I tell someone, I am sure to explain anything so we both don't freak out.

06-08-2012, 11:00 PM	#9
ValKyrie Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: Over the moon Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 12 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39 Thanked 75 Times in 11 Posts Rep Power: 1068896	My best friends husband is terrified that I'm going to "steal" her away from him, now that they know I'm gay. I told him, "honey, I don't have the same taste in women as you do." Gah!

06-21-2011, 12:29 PM	#11
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,708 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	ugh god. this has happened plenty of times. Though I'm pretty vocal about being a big ol queer, I still have people suddenly reacting like "WHAT? you... omg." and getting angry about because I snuck past their radar for five minutes. Like I invaded some inner sanctum as a destructive spy. The other part is when later, they come on to you after a few drinks. gosh, that's fun. Tbh, I get more comming onto me that being horrified. But they get really insulted when you aren't interested. Though one friend when she grabbed me in an alleyway and snogged the hell out of me (????!!! eh. ok. I'll wait for it to stop) when she finished I couldn't help but burst out laughing. She got a little indignant and said "WHAT?" "oh c'mon, s, this is completely ridiculous, don't be silly. lets go back in and get another beer." I think by far the worst has been when I was in some cabins when I was doing field research. I was in a room with 7 other girls. One was a navy gal who was serving part time and doing part time studies. When she found out I was lesbian (not like I hid it I openly talked about my partner at the time) she refused to get changed around me. To their benefit most of the other girls just rolled their eyes at her but some took up the same vigilant stance. I came in once, to hose off after being in the mangrove swamp and she was in her jungle stained cotton sweaty knickers and she covered herself and screamed. I recall yelling "oh for god's sake. you wouldn't be my type if you were the last one alive" and sat down. She got all upset I was still there and went into the bathroom. I left and I went into the court yard and bitched about it to one of my colleagues I was getting along with who stayed in a small two floor cabin. four guys on the bottom, four girls on the top. She said "oh. well that sucks. why don't you come and stay in our cabin? We're the naked bisexual cabin. we don't give a shit." That was SO nice. So I went and stayed with them. and I became very good mates with the guys downstairs. it was a very happy ending indeed.