What do you do??

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Hack

Sometimes one is permanently scarred. It really is a matter of how you tend to the wound. Not everyone heals the same. And some never completely heal. I agree with the others here...determining if/when you are ready is a very personal journey for the individual.

As I have posted previously, it has taken me 5 years to clear out my head and heart to be able to look forward, instead of backwards. I was not able to date at all due to profound sadness and loss of trust due to the tremendous sense of
betrayal & wounding that I felt. I did not date because I knew I just could not be present in any sense of the word. If I meet someone now that is still dealing with baggage, I personally would run, not walk for the nearest exit. Not everyone is able to be honest with themselves. I am so glad I did not even try to get involved before now. It would have been so unfair to someone new.

[Tangle]

I agree, for the most part, with the posts above. And Miss Priss, honestly it seems like that advice was correct for your situation - the person you were dating was certainly not 'into' you the way you undoubtedly deserve.

A bit of devil's advocacy though - I think that there is a tendency to believe that Any talk of past relationships or comparing people you've been with to the present partner is wrong, uncool, wading in the past. I disagree. I think that when dating, having fun and feeling someone out is really important and half of the point. The other half of the point is, for many people, to find someone who you may be compatible with in a more intense relationship.

I am a painfully honest person - and if I'm considering being 'with' someone, all of who i am and what I think is essentially out there on the table to be read/listened to/mulled over by my potential lover- I would never want someone to make an important decision about me based off of my charm and grace *laugh* (jk). If someone does something or says something that is either a trigger for me, or refreshingly different from what I endured in my past 9-year relationship, I'm going to say so.

It's not a daily thing, but if there's a moment of beauty that surprises me b/c it's not what I was used to from before, I feel like I should be able to share that and say "thank you!" - and not hide why it's so lovely to me. I am in no way hung up on that past relationship - I took over a year to figure myself out before I really decided i was ready for whatever might come my way - but I reserve the right to discuss my past occasionally, as that person was my primary life relationship for approximately a third of my life.

*curtsy* thanks

[Soft*Silver]

I am permanently damaged by past relationships. Some were my fault. I walked into a few that I should have not given life to. One, was her fault. She stole so much from me its not even funny. After much therapy, I concluded I am not able to trust again. I have a Ds relationship with a sub who I adore. I have a dear dear friendship also. But thats it. I couldnt give more if I tried. The first time someone would make a mistake, or worse, a PERCEIVED mistake, I wouldnt trust my reactions. I was gutted and have PTSD (official diagnosis with meds and everything!) from these few past loves. I have "moved on" but I KNOW in that "moving on" that this is the way it has to be now. I have had some locals try to woo me in. One, I had to break all ties to because she would not take no for an answer. By god, she trulytried to force herself on me believing her love was gonna save me. Instead, it made me insane. I snarled so much I hated her for putting this pressure on me because i was CLEAR in my communications that I wanted none of that! Friendship, yes, but nothing more.

Dont fuck with her. Its a tough spot teetering on that tightrope. She has her balance....you will simply make her lose it...