Possible Triggering: Violence against butches.

[Jett]

I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this, but it feels very linked in to this thread. I experienced sexual assault more than once before I began "appearing" butch in my late teens, after growing into that "butch look" more I'd experienced physical and a lot of verbal assault.

At this time I no longer outwardly appear even close to as butch as I once did, MUCH harder to peg and I have to say I am jaw dropping like staggered at how extremely consistently differently I am treated. Being outwardly butch for decades I was well aware of the stares and slurs and like I said getting in scraps... but I was never aware how many ppl were just remaining silent.

When I walk around now, ppl talk to me, "Hey hot enough for you?"... "Are you my new neighbor?" "Hey looks like that dog is walking you!" lots of joking all the people that smile at me... and just say hello... some ppl did this before, but the difference is like I said, absolutely freaking staggering. I had no idea, even being smack dab in the middle of it (I was "outwardly" butch for over twenty years). In my opinion butches experience a form of double jeopardy... being/females physically and or women and also gender variant and queer. Maybe like triple jeopardy I guess.

Now... today, walking down a lonely street I am more, feel more keenly aware of the risk to me of sexual assault (perhaps just my own perception or ghost of the past haunting me) but feel (hindsightedly) much more aware of the danger of being butch in this world. I can't even feel good about all the "kinder" attention now, I feel guilty when it happens... and I think about all my bro's and sisters out there.

Like I said... I don't know where I'm going with this... kind of rambling out things that have been on my mind, but I'll just say pls be AWARE and be SAFE...