Being perceived as ditzy, flaky or shallow for being femme

[Soft*Silver]

and so you have discovered why marilyn monroe indulged in numbing drugs...her beauty came at a cost...no one would take her seriously as an actress and everyone wanted her for her looks but found no value in her substance. She was forced to play out the part of the dumb but beautiful blonde until she became the archetype of said godzilla. She loathed it as well as herself for the very thing that made her an american icon...

my daughter is beautiful and blonde. I raised her strong and yet I find she plays the dumb blonde a few too many times...she believes it now. I hope this is a passing phase. She is 27. It only started recently....

femmes, are held under the wings of beauty and we are expected to play out the soft submissive role...also, a less intelligent role. I speak in vague generalities because I would say MOST if not ALL people of this site would argue strongly that is not the case for them. But none could argue that the stereotype is not out there...it is...and we femmes feel it at different times in our lives...

it isnt always the intent of the Interested Party (be they butch, FtM, etc) to make a femme feel less intelligent, but sometimes in the way they address us or court us or behave toward us, it translates that way....

and yet, sometimes, WE are the ones who interpret it that way when in fact, it was not meant that way at all...that falls to our issues of self worth and where we place ourselves in value...

the older I get (and I am 54 now) the more capable I see myself and the more value I place on my strength of character, personality and ethics, than i do on my beauty. I have also just recently broken free of stereotypes that I thought were me, but really were not. It was as if miles of heavy chains has been lifted off my shoulders and back. I could look back and be sullen about the way I was treated by others when I wore those chains, but those others only responded to me in the way I presented myself. It was not their fault I carried myself under a mask. Even if it was subconsciously worn. But once awareness hit, I could not step another foot until I laid those chains down....

I am not suggesting my experience has anything to do with yours. I am merely stating I had to look at myself before I could really See my Self. We are all modeled after our socialization, which by definition is an UNCONSCIOUS integration of beliefs and values. How can we even begin to identify the issues if its under our conscious noses? LOL....

You are at a point in your life where you are analyzing life in general, let alone yourself. Your answers will become known to you...

until then, hold your head high and know the value of yourself regardless of how others may act around you. If i call someone a chair, it does not make them a chair. If they expect you to be less intelligent, give them an education and prove them wrong...but remember....they are figuring it all out too...be kind unless that doesnt work, then be fierce!