Al-anon, Nar-anon: when someone you love is practicing addiction.

[atomiczombie]

Well I do know a bit about addiction since I have been in recovery since age 15. My own addiction gives me a good idea of what she is going though, although I went through it at a younger age than Jess. Thanks for the info Toughy, I will check those other programs out.

I ended up taking Jess to her mother's place. It's not the best place, as her mom (my ex-wife) is a verbal abuser. However, Jessica is mad at me for telling her she has a drug and alcohol problem and says I betrayed her by telling her she needs to go to a meeting if she is going to stay with us. But if I didn't do that, and just let her stay with us, I would be an enabler and I would cushion her from the consequences of the choices she made that caused her grandmother to throw her out. Now Jess says I am not her family and she will never talk to me again.

[jelli]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Well I do know a bit about addiction since I have been in recovery since age 15. My own addiction gives me a good idea of what she is going though, although I went through it at a younger age than Jess. Thanks for the info Toughy, I will check those other programs out.

I ended up taking Jess to her mother's place. It's not the best place, as her mom (my ex-wife) is a verbal abuser. However, Jessica is mad at me for telling her she has a drug and alcohol problem and says I betrayed her by telling her she needs to go to a meeting if she is going to stay with us. But if I didn't do that, and just let her stay with us, I would be an enabler and I would cushion her from the consequences of the choices she made that caused her grandmother to throw her out. Now Jess says I am not her family and she will never talk to me again.

Knowing a bit about addiction you realize you or anyone else is trying to rationalize with someone that's using. You're talking to the drugs - not Jess being 100% herself.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by jelli

Knowing a bit about addiction you realize you or anyone else is trying to rationalize with someone that's using. You're talking to the drugs - not Jess being 100% herself.

Oh, I know. And I can't make her want to get help. She has to want it. She just hasn't hit bottom yet.

[undone]

atomiczombie, she's running out of options and they will get worse for her before she's willing to do the work and accept the help she'll need,

but good for her grandmother!!! i think if some one wants to pretend there is no issue that they cause then treat them as such make them just as accountable if not even more so, no leeway and you know if she was living in a place she liked then it would just take her that much longer in a place wherr she's not so comfy and happy she may be more willing to get out.

[atomiczombie]

My kid kicked me off her facebook list and won"t return my calls or text messages. She has shut me out completely. I don't know what is happening with her, or if she is even safe. I am SO stressed out and worried and scared for her. I am carrying it all in my neck, and it is so stiff and sore, it hurts to turn my head even slightly. OUCH.

[sweetfemme247]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

My kid kicked me off her facebook list and won"t return my calls or text messages. She has shut me out completely. I don't know what is happening with her, or if she is even safe. I am SO stressed out and worried and scared for her. I am carrying it all in my neck, and it is so stiff and sore, it hurts to turn my head even slightly. OUCH.

I wish you the best of luck

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

My kid kicked me off her facebook list and won"t return my calls or text messages. She has shut me out completely. I don't know what is happening with her, or if she is even safe. I am SO stressed out and worried and scared for her. I am carrying it all in my neck, and it is so stiff and sore, it hurts to turn my head even slightly. OUCH.

Drew, I'm sorry you and your family are going through all of this. Get yourself to at least a phone or online Al-Anon meeting. Go to the websites and start reading the material, most likely again. Your daughter's recovery is out of your hands. The best you can do for her is to take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Sometimes we know the drill but when it comes to applying it to our loved ones it is much harder to see the reality of things and the light at the end of the tunnel.

[Dominique]

the phone drew, the phone.....assuming its a cell phone. WHO pays for that phone? Is she 17 still..... police can find out alot of information from a cell phone.

Of course she is going to torture you, emotional blackmail is how the drug makes them behave. You are not doing what she wants you to do. This is bigger than you. As Greyson said, take care of you, and get help with her.

[girl_dee]

So sorry about all of this, fucking alcohol / drugs / addictions ruins too many lives and relationships.

[sylvie]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

My kid kicked me off her facebook list and won"t return my calls or text messages. She has shut me out completely. I don't know what is happening with her, or if she is even safe. I am SO stressed out and worried and scared for her. I am carrying it all in my neck, and it is so stiff and sore, it hurts to turn my head even slightly. OUCH.

my heart seriously breaks for you..
has there been any change? any contact with her?
my situation is a bit different, where it's my father, i've been able to separate myself from his alcoholism finally, and hoping one day he will seek proper help.. but in the case of a child, i just couldn't imagine Drew.
sending positive thoughts that she's safe and contacts you soon, if she hasn't already!

[Kätzchen]

This past year has been challenging for both my young son and I. I have spent months laying the ground work for what happens next (intervention).

I first had to admit to myself that my young son is an alcoholic of epic proportions. Then I admitted to myself that I could no longer participate in his recovery, that recovering my own sanity comes first. I love my son, but I don't like or love the disease that is swallowing up his precious life.

I am attending my first Al-anon meeting today.

[Gayandgray]

My spouse's daughter is an addict, and it has been extremely difficult for us to deal with over the years. I just do not have the patience for my stepdaughter's drama anymore, I feel I have more than enough to worry about with taking care of her Mother. We have helped her out countless times and she continues to lie to us and she would still be stealing from us if I didn't forbid her from coming to our house. I used to give in to her and I guess I was an enabler, along with my spouse, but now that my spouse's health has deteriorated to the point it is , I feel it is too unsafe for my stepdaughter to be around her Mother. I'm not preventing them from having a relationship, she can come over as long as it is a "supervised" visit. If not myself, than my stepson or step grandson has to be there to ensure my stepdaughter does not steal her Mother's medicine or our dogs seizure meds, and anything else she can get ahold of to sell for money for heroin. She also can be violent and I have to make sure my spouse is safe. It is heartbreaking some days and I have cried and prayed about it, and finally came to the decision that I'm going to practice tough love with her. No more money, no more bailing her out of jail, etc. I pray she will reach her rock bottom point and decide to get the help she needs one day soon. I had a stepsister that had the same problem and she died in her early fifties from it.

[betruetoyoursoul]

I really appreciate the topic being discussed. People all over the world have been impacted by someone they care about, love, are in that line of work that helps those that are/have been addicted. I have family and friends that fell down into a deep dark hole. I have deep compassion for those that do fall into addiction. Peace, love, hope, and strength to all of us that are on this journey.