Light a candle

[Tommi]

I light a A candle for my Ex of 21 years, and a cyber request to think about her and wish her well.

Peggie called me Friday night asked me to come over Sat.. Said she needed to talk to me. We have chatted over the years since we have been separated, but she never asked me to come over like that.

Spending yesterday with a woman I spent 21 years with, and finding out her news and health is not good was shocking and I am at a loss for words, but come here because I can pour it out. I had picked up my paints and walked away, from her, for both of our survivals. We both kept painting, me of places I traveled, and of of wild ferocious big cats and animals.

She kept painting too. I saw my Ex's beautiful paintings of the daughter we raised. Portraits of Leah when she entered Kindergarten and the most beautiful of her at high school graduation.. Since I had seen Peggie last she has lost so much weight, and looks very ill. Yet, there were many new family portraits. Paintings and the memories of good times, of the flowers I planted in the backyard, and pictures and memories of living in the house we bought together. The memories of the love we once had came flooding back. She had done a self portrait wearing the clothes she had on when we met, with her once long dark hair falling around a beautiful face. She asked if I wanted the sculpture she did of my Mother , which holds the place of honor on the electric organ. She asked if I wanted her portrait.

She asked what she should do with the house, and where she should move, as she is ill and doesn't think she has long to live. She is seeing a cardiologist and a pulmonary specialist. It sounds like she is getting the medical run-around and she knew that pisses me off, so didn;t call me. It was Saturday, they were gone. She said I called you , as you are the only one I trust at the end of my life. You can make these tough decisions. She asked if I could pick up her meds, and get her Coffee Ice Cream. I got her Oreo's and peanut butter and bagels, and nilla wafers, and canned peaches and chocolate milk too, because I know she loves that stuff and is skinny as a rail now.

I sit here, now wishing I had MADE her go to the hospital yesterday, even though she said no. Sit here now, knowing she is more important than the Steelers game that comes on in 3 hours. Knowing I want her to go in the hospital, but her fear of not getting out alive, and leaving her kitty kat at home prevents a rational woman from getting help. I suppose I would be the same way. Knowing that the kids are spread out around the country, her brother is in Tenn. and not having famiy near by must be scary as hell, and having to call the "Rock" as she called me, must have been hard for her. The Rock sits her and wonders what now.